Recently, mum has been acting up, scared by dad scolding. She called sis saying that she's scared. Sis took leave immediately, accompany mum by her side. Mum cried for many hours, sis recorded down how she cried. Same thing happened years after years. She ate med, ate food, calmed down. I reached with dinner food. She seemed calm down already. Sis was speechless, cried and told dad not to do it again. A lot of things sis knew, they didn't tell me. I was mostly out of the picture many times. Sis felt that I don't care, no feelings.
I knew all along, I got married to escape from the poisonous family. I chose to leave, so I should not regret if they did not treat me as a family and confide to me instead.
During Chinese New Year, we played mahjong. Sis kept saying Papa was a bad guy, why I never scold hi. I was thinking, maybe all married guys are the same. Bcos that happens to me too. Who am I to say that dad is specially bad when the one I chose is also like that. That's what happened to me too. Countless nights of silent crying without anyone know when problem arises and when he's trying to win. he is always 讲理, but 家不是讲理的地方，是讲爱的地方 isn't it.
When Mama called, I wanted my husband to go over. The only words I knew from him was " no bike," "weird taking care". I was thinking: He shifted his whole mother to our house to stay and interfere with my life, being physically and mentally stress. Yet I did not say anything. I really don't think it's a gender thing taking care of each other's parents, but that's the answer he gave me.
Mama had a tragic life. No friends, no one to confide to. Don't dare to divorce or shift out. This is already emotion mentally abuse. But for someone mentally unsound, no words filtrate into her head to change any of her mindset.
After sis cried and talked to dad, he cried and repented again, sweared to god, kneeled in front of her, that he would not do it again. After so many times, who knows when is the next time the same thing happen again.
Mum doesn't believe in god now, because after repenting so many times, no use. God doesn't protect her, dad doesn't change. tragedy will still go on, ,just when is the next time.
Seeing Mum like that, sis don't even want to get married. As for me, I already realised that I am just escaping from one negative family to a newly formed one. It continues down the line.
When I went back home, I try to shun from my husband. I am totally disappointed in him. I don't want to let him get close to me. I don't love him anymore. Everything seem to go well now. Life still goes on. He continues with his normal life without affecting him at all. But deep down inside, I am very sad, stressed, and deeply affected, which shows out as all the illness and pains from every part and every moment of inflammation in my body.
Will the next one be me? I am more and more like the reflection of my mum. I just hope I can axe all my daughter's bad romance luck so that she doesn't follow the same pathway.
