althou it's oredi 2 plus am..i still decided to blog first before i sleep..cos everytime i blog aft a few days..the feeling won be there anymore..

2dy..again shout until no voice..tmr wil be another 830 to 620 day..workshop at teacher's network...den chiong to sch probably by taxi..den 9 periods straight..siao liao..still got pe somemore..and it'll be like that for all the coming 8 tuesdays..

went to meet up with temple ppl..sat down and chit chat..and realise over these years..i've not changed at all..that's wad they say..actually can see from the looks de..jiayi says from sec sch..to jc..to now..i haven change abit..still de same old me..can see from the looks whether the person has change or not..wu kor kor say i'm those bo chap type..if there's anything jus don care..there's pros and cons..true..i jus choose to bo chap lo..den jiayi ask me to change..ha..wad shd i do leh..

i choose to bo chap prob due to family background..they always say i'm the youngest and say no say in anything..since i can't say anything den jus bo chap lo..i mind kana scolded..so y mind so much and kana scolded..and if i really change any bit of me..they'll scold and scold and scold..i dono y..but i jus feel that my family jus gives me a scold and scold feeling..nag until i do wad they wan den they happy..wad can i change..i wanted..but my environment doesn't want me to change..i'm still being seen as a small gal who's help is not needed at home..if i wanted to help mum..i always kana scolded..it's been yrs..i wanted to do housework..i wanted to clean up my own room..i wanted to put m own ornaments on my own table...deco my own room and stuff..but the thing is i don have freedom to do that..i can say that the 4 walls are white at home..except some is sis argue until very jialat den can put de..everytime i put any photo frame or any ornament..or even jigsaw..mum will always dismantle it or keep it w/o me knowing..all my hardowrk...jus gone into a plastic bag..since after so many yrs my effort on doing wad i wanted has gone to waste..i oredi make up my mind not to waste my effort anymore..which jus leads to my bo chap character on things..and it jus goes along with me..

i don need to voice out my idea..the best thing i can do is to keep quiet..this is wad i find out..and wad i try out..jus keep quiet..the safest way not to get scolded..thou sometimes din say anything oso kana scolded for no reason..jus scold and scold until i diam oredi..n opoint fighting back after so many yrs..with a "phobia" person at home since young..i'm oredi being surpressed for too long to change..

from feeling empty bcos i don have a close r/l with family..to joining lotsa stuff to occupy my emptiness in the heart..hoping to gain confidence aft learning some skills or knowledge..at least here and there abit more than others..other than that wad can i do..some frenz say that there's nth wrong with me..jus need to be more assured of urself tt'll do..but how can i assure myself when i'm feeling that i'm living in such a negative environment..when ppl says i'm good..i forever don believe in myself that i'm good..i'm jus a nobody..the youngest and the smallest in the family with no say in anything at all for all these years..wad good do i have..i really don have the ability and courage to make changes to family life...not now..cos i can't even settle down by myself..i can't even handle my own stuff..how to think bout other stuff for other ppl..when they themselves don wan me..don wan my help..don wan my opinion at all..

sometimes it's not easy to say change den change cos of many factors..yes..it's me myself who wanted to change or not..but the thing is..can others take my changes..when aft changing it jus brings more negative to the environment and the ppl ard me..maybe it's jus not the time for me to change..

i jus wana say that i don wana have any secrets..i don want to hide anything from anyone..i don wana be a secretive scorpio..i want to be this kind of...me.

dono y feels like my hair changes colour from time to time..sometimes obvious..and sometimes not..ha..this week..another busy week..wed..did pe sharing with the other pe teachers..i din do a good job..cos i really noe nothing bout pe..cos i'm not pe trained..den still need to show them some things on how to do this and that..but i really dono..end up i quickly share finish den ok le..jaja says they knew the sharing is jus for show la..so don really need to worry whether do well or not..which means do for the sake of doing..today too..he did some chinese sharing too with the other teachers..n we tried to drag time..and cooperate in dragging time..lol..i coop some red papers to write couplets..chun lian..hee..so happy..don need go buy le..

althou it's quite tiring..and dono y i seem to lose my voice at the end of each day..but the more i call the kids..the more i remember their name..i seem to rmb almost 80 to 90% of my p1 class le..think i put in more effort on them..and usually they make me lose my voice..but i dono y..i jus find them very cute..even when i was sleeping at nite..i'll like think of their cute little faces and their innocent look they gave me..and i notice that they tend to cry when i scold them..compare to last week..i dono y..and i could oso stop them from crying..today..a girl in my class cried cos she not well and wants mama..den i try to stop her le..ask her not to cry too much wait cry until got fever..her mum couldn't take care of her tt's y she can't go on mc..thou she has a maid at home..i comfort her and she stop crying..thou she had a glum face..but still ok..and the other is my p1 attitude boy..1st week then he giv me attitude..his paper is always crushed..aft recess i was having lesson with p1..and his form teacher told me he was crying for her dad..and he followed her all the way to outside staffroom..i saw him..i ask y he cry..den i told him no point standing alone and cry..might as well follow me up and do some colouring work and wait for the day to finish..i mange to coax him up...he stopped crying for awhile..gave them some colouring work to do..he wasn't doing..den i told him in another 3 hours time he'll be able to see his dad..he manage to write his name of the paper..and in order not to be the odd one out..i ask the others to hand in the colouring by the following school day..

if i din hear wrongly..i think i heard sth when they're lining up to go home..the last boy at the back which always talks in eng says..薛老师，我爱你..i dono how to reply..cos it's not good to be too close to the students..and it's only the 1st few weeks..or shd i jus say i love you too back from the bottom of my heart..i don dare to say anything..i act as if i nvr listen and i jus lead them down...

actually i'm quite fierce to my p1 class..until they're so scared of me..no speaking of english..shirt remember to tuck in at all times..feets on the ground..once they move i jus scold..every lesson i walk in i jus scold scold scold..scold until they scared..until they dare to own up wad they did wrong..i still remember i ask a naughty kid playing to stand..and i ask him whether he noes y i ask him stand..den he nod with an innocent nod..so cute..den dono y sometimes they din do anything wrong they'll say sorry to me..and i oso dono y..maybe their standard of themselves is higher den wad i wanted..and some they say thank you jus because i pass them the newspaper that they bought and go thru the questions with them..

today..i jus found out got someone din bring my worksheet..i jus look at her and ask y she din bring..den her eyes start to get red le..oh no..so easily tear..i dono y..last week wasn't like that..maybe bcos they noe me..or maybe they like me..dey don wan the teacher that they like to scold them...

and when i haven come into the class.they saw me and keep calling 薛老师..den i ask..u all like me so much ah..haven come in then call le..den still got ppl put up their hand and say..i got call..i din call..den i ask the one who din call..u din call me cos u don like me is it..den they say no..hee..

and it's easy to crack joke and make them laugh..and sometimes they make me laugh..and they oso laugh..i don believe teachers cannot laugh with them..jus noe when u scold..u really scold them for their own good..they'll noe when u're serious and when u're not..if everytime serious teaching..i think i'll bore them to death..i jus feel that i din do a good job in preparing for the lesson well and jus walk in..u noe..when the lesson is over..means it's over..u teach wrongly..it'll be over..it'll jus remain wrong..when i agar agar jus let time pass..den time will jus be wasted like tat..it's so precious u noe..if u grab hold of time tightly and make full use of it..u'll feel very satisfied cos the kids learn alot..the sense of achievement is there..den u won feel the tired anymore..physically tired is bo bian de la..but at least mentally u can still keep on going..tt's y i always try to write down wad a i going to do with the class everyday..jus plan well..den all the things i need i jus take at one go..don need go back staffroom again take so many times..cos i'm prepare...mentally prepared and the lesson will be well...

u noe..last week i still scare scare of them..actually i noe they oso scare scare of me..jus tt we don show to each other..but wad to do..things must be done for both of us..

who shd i appoint for monitor in my p1 class..all the boys quite cui..shd i appoint the cute cute one so that i can see him more..or shd i jus apoint a naughty 1...or shd i appoint a blur blur 1 like me..hmm..feeling sweet

yesterday after a tired day..it feels so good to be able to meet up ur old fren to chat for a while..thou i've waited her for an hour..but it's worth waiting la..die die must wait..cos she's my bob fren..hee..had a nice chat with her at sakae..until it closes..we talked about our life now..and she's coming into teaching..and we talked about our plans..talk bout mine..and hers too..and she gave me the very belated present..together with a wallet and clip..she did some handmade stuff..which i really really like it alot..
nice rite nice rite? i really like it alot leh..hee..it's so nice..everything is so nice..

3rd day of school...6 periods together again..and rushing from 1 place to another..things start to come in..and the p1s..all the chinese teachers are complaining about them..not attentive..do wadeva they wan..don listen..call their names oso no reply..keeep on doing their own stuff..

went for jap lesson..jaja din go..too busy..kana shoot too many arrows..ok la..take the time to rest more and do more stuff lo..actually today's attendance..nt tt good..only 7 ppl..tink starting of year la..all quite busy le..teacher say if go japan shd go hokkaido first..cos even the japanese..not all have been dere before....

i was walking back on my own..and i saw the moon..thou it's nt full moon..it's very bright..and i have that kind os soothing feeling again..dono y it jus seems that i'm absorbing that moonlight..and with the wind blowing..it's so nice..last time i could stand by the kitchen window to look at the moon for hours..but now..after renovation the window became too small for me to stand by there..long time din look at the moon closely le..dono how's the moon like now..i bet there's sure some changes..

i was helping jaja translate sth to chinese..den he ask me agar agar key words can le..don need word by word..den i told him..it's nt so simple translating word for for can le...it's about beautifying it in another language accurately..hmm..chim rite..i oso dono y i said tt..but i tink tt means i really like translation frm the bottom of the heart ba..was struggling whether to take up translation or chinese degree..but i feel i'm more interested in translation cos it's really very useful..n i've been quite alot of translating here and there..n for me who always 词穷 n not really good in my language..i might meet with lotsa obstacles in translating..but i guess i'm willing to take a try..n actually for the whole nite..i've been thinking whether i did a good job in translating or nt..cos i dono y feel it's impt..thou i'm nt a language person..but my interest is dere..

i suddenly feel ppl around me are quite happy and blessed..nothing happen to them..they're safe..healthy..and happy..and maybe that's y i'm quite happy too..

today..as busy as usual..9 periods straight down..from 12 to 5 50...i haven been resting at all! today more jialat than yesterday..assembly at 12..den aft tt no free period..even free period need to be with the p1s..den aft tt hoo haa abiit..straight for pe..den i din realise p2 are having recess need to collect them back from canteen..and then need to take their ht and wt..den ppl falling down during pe..bullying each other..actually i saw the other classes taking ht and wt oso very messy..hee..

but it's really very tiring lo..i don even have time to refill my water bottle..and my lunch..don need say le..thou mama bought a kway for me to eat...i don even have the time to bite it..and the books are piling up..2nd day..2 piles coming in..and everyday there'll be a stack or more to mark..how come other ppl like can see them sitting down..den i like whole day not on my seat de..lotsa invisible period around..

plus form teacher den did lotsa blah blah blah things for the kids..but when i see the smiles on their faces when i jus printed out the class rules nicely on a piece of paper..they're so happy sia..heard lotsa "yes" among them..den during pe ran with them..thou i'm like dying of tiredness..but i jus lead them to run around the sch..den they're like complaining very difficult..i say in wad way..den they say run too long liao..canot take it..haha..even the stretching they oso find it hard...opps..am i a little harsh or sth..den the principal is walking passed and saw me running with the kids..i dono how she thinks..at that point of time i was jus hoping that my class won be naughty or make too much noise when running..hee..

tired day..tired..but i can stil feel the sweetness in the air..

Today mummy says my dyed hair become better in colour compared to when i dyed in the beginning..cos the colour will start to stable after washing abit..after hearing this..I felt great..cos i thot the colour was a bit obvious and lighter den I thot..but since mama said that..it gave me a boost that it wasn't that bad after all..u noe..sometimes it's quite true tt if u dye it in a proper way..i mean colour wise..u'll look more mature..and as for the baby face me..it might help to make me look more mature den being a "geena"..


counted as the first day of week 1 in school..it's been as hectic as ever..once i step into the school..i've been like doing lotsa stuff here and dere..and i dono y time pass so fast..den it's time to go for assembly..and i dono y the kids are like so happy to see me whenever I step to any class..i jus dono y..even if i jus go for relief..some p1 class tt i've nvr seen before..den got kids smile to me liao..so sweet u noe..but the thing is i jus look natural..not fierce or wadeva..i jus wana be myself..it's so tired to wear a stern..firece..angry mask for the whole day..i rather jus be myself..so that i don get so pressurise..


and i dono y..bringing the p1s to and fro canteen becomes my job..form teacher not free..and before and after that is my period..den is my job liao..i tot i'll have some time to sit down and settle my own stuff...or have time to buy sth from the canteen to eat..when i brought them to the canteen..and saw all the packed food prepared for them on the table..i was so hungry lo..luckily mumy smart..noe i have no time to eat..and bought a very small small bread for me to bite..that bread is so small but i don even have time to bite finish den i gotta run again..den i still gotta do relief..and one of the kid was crying for home..


my books are like piling oredi..and i don have any place to put anymore..there's no more spare table for me..got ppl beside me le..=(


and the thing is..jaja took the wrong water bottle and drank mine..i was so anxious bout my water bottle cos it was so ex..and i don even have the time to top up and drink water lo..and it's gone..u noe y...cos me and jaja's form classroom is jus opposite each other..and during CL banding..i dono y our class switch..he uses mine and I uses his..dono y they plan like tat..den after CL class..I went back to my form class for a while to give out sth..den jaja came in to take his belongings from his CL class..which is my form class..den he took my bottle instead of his..den I went straight away for my relief and din realise my bottle was gone..cos I don have time to find back my bottle..so aft relief..I went back to my table and realise it's not dere..so I thot I left it in my own form class..but when I went in..I saw a blue bottle..but it's definitely not mine as it is so old..den I look at it again..there's the logo..the bottle which I gave him..den I noe he took my bottle for mistake..den I remember when I walk passed the pantry..I saw him holding a blue bottle sitting there happily drinking..wa liew..oredi so stress and no time liao..still let me go up and down to find my bottle..shdn't have bought blue..thou before that I knew our bottles look alike..but I prefer blue den any other colour ma..den I thot he go and refill my bottle..since he said that before..but I nvr thot before tt he'll took my bottle by mistake and go and drink somemore..eeeee...


and by the time I reach back my table..another colleague came and consult me sth..I don even have time to do my things den gotta pack and rush for dyb outing liao..very busy leh..


first time taking bus to shaw tower..felt so lost n din really noe where to alight..so I was like being very alert during the whole bus journey..tot I can steal some time to do some sch admin stuff..but den...


but I was relief that I'm able to get out from the stress after meeting them..today eating dinner with our didi as he's going ns soon..was so hungry on the way from bugis to shaw tower..and was already drooling for my "happiness soup"..


while eating.we chatted alot of stuff..and found out that one of us..the biscuit factory worker..has nose cancer..we thot mayb cos due to absorbing too much chemicals in the biscuit and bread factory..den some of us said that their fren fren fren oso had cancer..and all very young..only like 20..we tried to lik talk about other stuff..den talk about time passed very fast..and it's so scary tt after 21 jus keep on adding one year one year..


we were writing notes in the capsules for somebody.....



aft tt we still went to eat dessert..was very full sia..and we bought a cake for didi's sister..who hasn't been coming for quite some time due to work..but anyway..we agreed to go for bai nian as a group on 2nd day of new year..



really hope we can go to zoo by this year..and go taiwan at the end of the year..hee..it'll be real nice sia..hee..maybe we could really go..it's so fun to go out with a big grp tgt..


..and hope everything goes well for all of us..bless!

being a P2 form teacher..and pe rap for p2..teaching chinese and pe..need to take note of lots of stuff..i'll be teaching the best class for p2..stress sia..there's lotsa things that i still wana do...shows that i wana watch..games that i wana play..

tmr is the first day of school..guess i'll be too gan chiong to sleep tonite..now preparing for tmr's stuff..hope this year will be a happy and wonderful year..jiayou!