today's a special day..today's a special day..for you and me....we like to say..we like to say..happy children's day! this is my first children's day celebrated in school after such a long long time...finally..it's here!....for me to give pressie to kids..wad did i give..hmm..for my 2 chinese classes..i went back home on a sat morning to pack goodie bags for them..there's colour pencil..pencil..sweets..jelly..yup..and for my 2 cme classes..i gave jelly..and my pe class i gave sweets..in return..wad did they give me? let's see..

i can be like other teenagers last time go pub..disco..sing..dance..blah blah..jus tt i din..sigh..and luckily i din..at least now i don live with so much regret..cos i noe tt once in step into that when i'm very young..i noe i can't pull myself out..cos will be addicted to those pub life..this and tt..den end up miz with dono who..den studies everything oso gone case liao..young ma..those things are very addictive de..at least when u're older..u noe wad u're doing..wad u really wan..and u'll think clearly for urself le..some things no need try but u oredi noe if it's good or not good for u..if wana try..wait older still can go de ma..at least when u go those places u noe wad u're doing..u go dere jus to relax and have fun but not like the youngsters addicted to it cos it's like a trend for them to go and stuff like tat..tt's y they have age limit this and tat ma..hoping that when ppl grow older they noe wad they're doing..and they are responsible of the life they wana live..but teenagers are different..they follow trend blindly..


all my frenz say my first r/l is definitely not a good one..cos i'm the 7th gf.. and sure will have some shadow of it here and dere aft tt..but wad can i do..even animals will try to wrap themselves up when they get hurt so tt they won get hurt anymore..if in the past..i'd have question alot of things btw my bf and their ex cos i feel very insecure..there's so many question marks here and ther..but becos of trust..so i cancel off all my questions..


i oso starting to tink i'm not very gd liao cos i oso got a few before..i always think 1 is enuff for me..i don wana try..cos i jus wan to jus love tat person whole heartedly..truthfully..with no defence or wadeva.. but bo bian..i'm being forced to break for the first one..there's nth i could do to save it..i regret cos din even have a chance to save it..break w/o any good reason..he can fault me..but wad he gave was jus many excuses..and the reasons keep changing..sometimes..when got more and more r/l before..u'll tend to lose faith in it..like it's very easy to be tgt...den easy to break..first one usually will treasure alot alot de..

seems to have lotsa ups and downs very me in life..esp lotsa screw ups here and dere..and making decisions which i still cannot decide on firmly..but now i really noe wad i wan le..jus whether i'm up to it or not..have to be mentally prepared to face failure..and embrace success if there is for me..

the busiest week of all has finally ended..but that's not all..will busy until the end of the month..den children's day i'll be free! yes! this month ending soon..i stil got 3 more days den i'll be able to relax! yes!

wasn't in a really good mood this whole week cos really too busy le..thou the week has passed..lotsa things i still haven complete..owe dyb lesson plan so long..really very paiseh..but this week really cannot do anything to it..need to prepare wad to give for my fren for teaching resources for her tuition..hope can give her quickly as exams are coming soon so that she got the things in hand to teach..

beig a teacher is really not busy..if u don have 三头六背den really can forget about it..gotta know how to sing..dance..act..speak..creative..jus gave a short 20min lecture on san zi jing in front of hundreds of kids..and sang a children's day song in front of them..aesthetic group teachers ask for help cos the song is in chinese..my 2nd time to be on "stage"..the feelings great..cos the "stage" is really jus like urs..to be able to do sth u like in front of ppl that u like..so many somemore..i still remember first time on "stage" is to sing national day song "we will get there"..the sound systen is abit koyak..but one day the front ppl can hear me..one day the back ppl can hear me..this time round the whole school can hear very clearly..i jus dono y after singing..some of the students clap..some dono y gave me a stunning look..while the teachers are smiling..i'm really not praising myself..but was my singing really that good? den ppl keep asking me to join aesthetic committee in be in charge of singing and stuff..i really tried to keep a low profile so that i'll not be too busy for my own kids..can spend more effort on them..but it's oso good to be able to sing well for kids to enjoy..lower pri kids ma..sure enjoy singing very much..

was oso thinking of taking up the translation and interpretation course in sim..but den the thing is if i take up this course den i'm really very scared nex time any translation job they'll ask me to do..and i'm nt sure whether or not i'm up to it..the course i mean..wait buang how..need to translate eng n chi vice versa..but i noe if i take it up it'll be very useful for me..i'm jus afraid for eng part i'll have some prob..eng is not a forte for me..half half la..if cannot make it den the course fees how..this is another hting that bothers me actually..and i'm very blur in stuffs like dono wad study grant..subsidies..dono wad la..i might not get in cos everytime 35 intake only..part time leh..which is quite xiong for me if i teach afternoon..den gotta rush there for lessons..sure late de..which i don like..n i got a feeling nex yr they'l let me teach lower pri in afternoon again..these are the things tt i need to tink bout..worry bout actually..cos nobody can tell me wad to do..yes..i noe wad i wan..but whether or not i'm up to it..or if i am able to do it..that's another thing..

sometimes jus gotta hug myself..咬紧牙根..jus 撑过去...like this week..things still need to be done..no matter how busy or how tired or how sick..i don like to owe ppl anything..sigh..keep going ba..

i din manage to go for the old folks home biggest event cos it a friday..and many other seniors can't go back too..sigh..y like tat..such a good time for gathering leh..

anyway..think i'm changing dates for the chalet on my bdae..cos suddenly sch got sth on..cannot le..tt's a sad news..but go there nua only ma..after sch term..holiday oso can nua..hee..so i'm not feeling sad at all la..

jiayou jiayou jiayou!

i jus realise the things that i type inside the dyb forum all gone..and i dono y..i don have anymore softcopy...jus some very short point form on paper..i got so many thing to do..and the deadline is so near..sch need to be emcee for children's day concert..den they ask me to help out to teach them a children's day song den gotta learn..den gotta prepare to be the last speaker of san xi jing..den dyb got lotsa lesson plan need to write..chinese de..den still gotta set worksheet for students..prepare them..den this week everyday gotta reach sch by 750am for oral..i was oredi dozing off until the last few..den sat gotta go temple at nite got duty..den sun got dyb meeting liao..which means lesson plan need to be ready by sun..den i dono who can help me do wad..i really cannot take it anymore..den nes week gotta wake up early to go for some beginning teacher course..den wed need to go for fren's bdae chalet..den i haven pack my children's day pressie sat morning gotta go back pack..den 30th sep before children's day gotta prepare eveything liao..i really cannot breathe..really in a mess..eveyrthing..i can't find my red pen..my pencil..and i'm getting sick soon..no time until gotta gobble up maggi mee..now stomach not feeling very good..i dono wad i shd do..how come everything squeeze tgt de..this time sleep 4 hrs oso no use..how..i really cannot take it anymore..i can't even go for old folks home mid autumn celebration oredi..i really need help..but i dono who can help me..cos i'm the only one who noes how to do the things..and have to do it personally..i..really scared after this week i'll go crazy..i've been very very unhappy these days when i noe this week is so busy..den more and more comes in..blog in a mess.everything in a mess..i don even have the time to be alone and cry by myself to release stress..everything is jus inside me and i dono how to share it with other ppl..wad shd i do..was shd i do..wad shd i do..

really very tired leh..really dono wad to do leh..really dono how to write my blog leh..really no time blog le leh..previous one was in a mess..couldn't upload all the pics..dono y so slow..now..i jus wish dere's someone to help me blow my hair den i can sit while sleeping..too busy to explain wad i'm busy at..sch..temple..elders..it's oredi 130am le..tmr gotta wake up at 630 to go sch for oral exam..for 4 consecutive days..later still need to do ppt..sigh..while uni frenz this week recess week..and it's my busiest week...arh!!!

jus heard from mum the toilet light is ok le..dad finally go and buy a bulb for it..sigh..i can't give up!!! i need to carry on wad i need to do..physically tired but mentally cannot be tired...mind over body mind over body mind over body....

today had a tired workout..went to give out flyers at Boon Lay in the morning..wah liew..i'm the only senior de senior around lo..most senior liao..others all din come lo..maybe bcos only give out flyer today that's y..



our grp doing the most block..9 blocks! which means the actual day we'll be collecting til siao..opps..




we were giving out flyers door by door..but this time we din knock all the doors..see nobody or close door de don need knock..so did quite fast..




yeah! we finally finish..meet downstairs

eugene the head was giving a debrief after that...and we can finally go off for our lunch lunch!



they're still discussing on wad to do for the actual day of mid autumn..i feel so sad leh..it's a weekend..den i cannot go... immediately after that..i met yvonne and her bf coincidentally at jp..den went to ate with them..hee..both of us sick sick..poor us..


and we're down to sim to attend a talk on translation and interpretation..degree programme..after hearing..we feel more blur of wad to choose..


but den..we had an early celebration of mid autumn..yvonne gave mooncake to me..vegetarian somemore leh..last year oso like tat..so sweet..hee..





i really enjoyed our times together..we're talking bout going for holiday to batam during dec..den talk bout marriage..when we wana get marry..den talk bout being a tai tai..den jessica say if really filthy rich..can have a private helicopter..morning go spa..den go venice to drink their traditional coffee..den stop by at hong kong for sum tim sum..stil can dabao back for husband..lol..


yvonne more jialat..she say can go to the moon for holiday..den can eat mooncake on the moon and 赏地球instead of 赏月亮...and enjoy ppl on the earth 赏他们on the moon..lol..feel so relax to be with them..


it's really a different kind of feeling lo..can have some frenz who can joke joke laugh laugh..not like going out with boyfriend..gotta rush here and there..oh ya..jus remember..yvonne's bf hand made a "wall e" for yvonne..i saw the pic..so sweet..ha..looks really like the character..


after that..took 61 home from clementi..jus shake all the way back..one and half hour..50 bus stops..don feel like going home..but bo bian..mummy oredi complaining..don let her worry so much..so go back lo..

was sleeping in the bus..had a nice sleep actually..w/o any coughing..felt so relief..i try to let myself sleep more..


while i was reaching home..sis called to ask me buy bread..not in a happy tone..den i noe sth happening in the family..after tt got another call from mum ask me if i eating dinner..den she complain dad no money buy bread..no money buy dinner back to eat..eat maggi mee..


it's not that i don like to eat maggi mee..i like it very much..but from the way she say it out..i find myself like very ke lian no money gotta eat maggi mee..sigh..


end up when i got back home..i got scolded for buying bread by mum..den they're quarreling over money prob again..dad no money this and that..quarrel til very jialat..sis and dad oso had a tiff jus now..sigh..i really don feel like staying at home..but bo bian..i scared i really kana locked up by mum..don let me go out..do i really look that pale to make her worry?

after that..led by the lion dance and big head doll..the kids went to play lantern at the quadrangle..

overall..the whole thing was quite nice..i even had the chance to play with one of my student's baby sister..one yr plus..and she keep on giving me her lantern..and oso..definitely gotta speak to some parents..who haven saw me before..hee..

however..when i look in the mirror..i saw my face getting more and more yellow..i really dono wad to do to stop my cough..ya..maybe i din take care of myself..din rest well..but the drowsy medicine could no longer make me sleep anymore..i stil can continue to work normally..like now..stil blogging..

jiayou ba..

today is the first day of term 4..i'm suppose to be very happy as i can see my kids..and colleagues..but den..i suddenly thot of sth..

on the way home..i thot of my gambling dad..and start to tear..i've nt been in a happy family..the deadly poison jus spreads..dad lose money..give black face to mum..make her depressed more..don lend him money..cont to scold ppl..

i've made a very deadly curse in the past..tt he'll nvr ever win..woth me around..i really hate it..and i curse everybody whom i noe..that they'll nvr win..either they he die..or i die..

and somehow it did came true..he din win..and i think he went to do sth to change his luck..ya..dere's a few times he did win..but end up i was terribly sick..to an extent i went to hospital..and he gotta foot the bills for me..end up jus like he nvr won any..and gotta pay more..jus like wad i say..either he die..or i die..den whenever he starts to win money..i'll fall sick..it's like eventually i put a curse on myself..i shdn't have suffer so much rite..but..it's jus so...queer..

but i love him as a dad..to an extent that i don bear to call him a jerk..i treated him very nice..hoping he'll change..i bought things for him..massage for him..ask him gamble lesser in a very nice way..end up he jus ask for more..and try to borrow money from me more than any others in the family as i'm closer to him..

thinking of him..the thought of marriage jus smeared..i don wan the routine to continue..i don wan to end up finding the same old guy like him..and end up an unhappy marriage..nuhappy family..i rather stay single...this poison has been in the family for years..everytime i think of it...i'll be very pessimistic bout marriage..and stuff like that..maybe it's oso 1 of the reason y sis doesn't find someone for herself...she did say before..rather stay single den marrying a jerk gambler like dad..

heaven is fair..when u gain sth..u'll lose sth..dad steal..end up his itchiness nvr dies no matter how many doctor he went to see..starting from his itchy hands...all over to his body...yet he continues all sorts of methods to get money to gamble..this poison will jus follow him..until u die..think he promise god sth i think..bout gambling de..maybe sth like gamble lesser..i dono..sis din tell me..yet he still cont to owe ppl money...borrow money..and treat others good jus for the sake tt he can borrow money easier or can owe money longer..it's so fake..win money happy..but see me sick stil make him unhappy la..wad for..

if it's urs..it will be urs..if it's not urs..u won get it..even if u get it by force..u'll lose some other things somehow..

i always tell myself i'll nvr leave any assets for my children or grandchildren..if i have..jus donate it away..i don wana let them be 败家子...they won value how difficult it is to earn money before they really earn it by sweat themselves..those who have a smooth career..good luck den..

sometimes heaven jus wan u to experience some things to make u realise some things..tt's y let u meet with the problem..ya..i really do experience alot alot..sometimes feel whether i really 看破红尘..lots things i oredi accept it..and learn to let go..have then have..don have den don have..it's so tired to get sick..to get troubled with problem..jus wana live peacefully in this life..and hope there's no recarnation or some sort of that..which i think is oso impossible..so many ups and downs..really getting tired over it..jus wana use my own little small small strength to help others tt's all..away from troubles oso can..cheer up ppl oso can...don wana get involve in too many things..jus wana live a simple life..tt's all..if really wana a complex life..it'll really be very complex..i don wan..i noe i won be happy..i jus wana..be a happy me tat's all..i'm easily satisfied..as wad most of the ppl said..

and to stay happy without any morries is my goal...as long as i can feel happiness..it's worth living for in this worth..if not..i really dono wad others are living for..all the fame and wealth..but nvr ever happy..

leading a happy..fruitful..and meaningful life..hee..tt's wad i wan..

actually wanted to stay out for awhile..don really wana go home too early..but i'm really too tired to do that..even until the door..my tears still not dry up..but nobody in the house wil notice i'm crying..hee..need skill de leh..as long as ppl are more focus on themselves..they won notice tiny little bits of things of other ppl..it's like tat..ppl tend to focus on themselves..that's normal..nobody noes wad i really need unless the person really cares and think in my shoes..贴心??but i find myself over le ba..cos not many ppl will appreciate..i noe type of 贴心 everyone can do that..but the thing is..will they have the heart to do it..the the choice is up to u....

sigh..feel so sad..it's been more than a month since i can eat any chocolates..titbits..or ice cream..sigh..who wana suffer? it's not a laughing matter..to get sick for so long..and not being able to sleep well..cos too weak until body don let u sleep well too..plus cough..jus hope it's over quickly..

woah..just finish shower..finally can upload the pics today..

today..dyb kids outing went to sembawang park for a very relax day..

youth group are carrying all the logistic things..woah..great help!