been going out early and coming back late these days..busy with lotsa stuff..school stuff..temple camp stuff..planning a camp isn't easy..and if the response is negative..it jus disheartens u..we dybers youth grp feel it le..thou dere's only 20 to 30 ppl coming..wad they say is true..as long as there's even jus 1..(there is before at some other places)..as long as u make a difference in their lives.tt's the most impt thing..less ppl doesn't mean tt quality shd be different..

some believed that the youngest have problems...nowadays the youngsters has lotsa prob..it's been said to be the 因果..cos moral education is not being stressed over the years..tt's y they're like that..stealing smoking drugging everything..not like in the past..if they bring any "bad stuff" to school they'll be dead..and now..even the p2 is talking bout sex stuff..the teacher was so gross bout it..

as long as we do things 实实在在..u'll be confident..cos u've nothing to hide..nothing to fear..ya..actually that's true..ppl ard me keep on questioning me..y u do so much for ur kids..don need put so much effort in it..if u put in 10hrs to prepare a lesson..compare to putting 1 hr preparing a lesson..the 10hrs lesson is definitely better..cos u really use ur heart and effort to do and to prepare and to teach..the 磁场will be different..the kids can feel it..i shdn't keep doubting myself for doing wad i wana do..cos their results show me that wad i'm doing is correct..thou first time out of nie teaching..only half a yr..their results really show lo..my p1 improve more than my p2 cos i put in more effort on my p1 and p2..i use more effort..try to set worksheet that suits them..i'm not saying i din do for p2 la..jus tat i put in more effort in p1..how much effort u put in..u'll get back wad u put in..maybe some things cannot be controlled..maybe i'm fated to take a longer path to succeed..maybe i'm jus destined to be a teacher tt's y they don even let me choose..tt's y my results are forever like tat..i noe..if i can do much better the route i take will be different le..

i keep feeling that i don shine so much as last time..not so confident as last time..becoming dull..i noe y..cos some things i keep feeling 心虚..guilty..tt's y don feel well either..mood will be different..things will be different..been trying hard to pull myself up..so that i can improve to be a better person..better teacher..live for the students..but i din go all the way out..cos dere's lotsa commitment..lotsa other stuff..which makes me can't concentrate and put in all the effort..

these days..youngsters only interested in computers..anything less fun than that they won be interested..cos there are so many choices..not like last time..easily contented..was do they want..computer is not a living thing...yet..we couldn't live without it anymore..will there be one day where ppl are more sad over computer crash den over the death of someone who is close to them..wad exactly is more impt to u..thou maybe ppl will say..won la..computer crash only wad..can fix de ma..wait until ur computer really crash..u'll be so irritated that u couldn't have a correct mindset anymore..

nowadays..even young couples like to take psp out..one each..and play tgt..no communication..yes..they have common interest..but how do their relationship grow by jus looking at the screen and no communication at all?

i still remember a very 讽刺poem clearly in my literature textbook..that there's a married couple..who sit in front of the tv for the whole day..and for many years..end up there's one day where their tv crashed..den end up it's like they first time realise they are sitting beside each other...there is "someone" beside..they seem not to noe each other at all..and jus when they are about to chat..the tv is back again..and they continue to watch again..it's so sad..

wad does the children really need now..i noe i shdn't doubt myself to reach out to them..but if i'm the only one doing it..u'll be the minority 边缘人doing it..and 别人又会用一种奇异的眼光看着你..which is sth i really really don like..i really feel it's not sth big..there's nth big about it..i thot these are wad teacher shd be doing..rather than all the misc stuff..shdn't we focus on how to really practically improve the kids and school? tt's our aim right..but how come..compare last time till now..the kids seem much much more naughtier than last timeis it bcos we focus too much on external stuff than on the students? i think i guess so..dono y cme period seem so short..i say a few words den times up..

today..lotsa ppl ask me..how come sis din wait for me and go home together..it's quite a norm for me for us to go home seperately le..but they are like quite surprised sis din wait for me..esp it's quite late..but for me..i'm oredi used to it le..cos sis oredi instill the idea that..she is she..me is me..i always have a feeling that she don wan ppl to noe tt she has a sister in temple..thou she din "disacknowledge" me or sth la..it's jus the kid of feeling she giv me..very individualistic ba..i ask her a few more question den she don like liao..jus ask her if she's coming home for dinner ma..help mama ask de ma..den she don like and don giv me an answer..den how can i 交差?den ok lo..she go hers i go mine lo..it's the way we've been like..not like normal sisters..who doesn't want a sister relationship jus like fren fren de..i don think i'll ever have la..cos she'll forever like wants her 威严..

sis jus said jiayi became prettier..she long time din see her de..hee..aiya..grow up le will take more notice on looks de ma..who will wana be uglier..aiyo..for me ah..aiya..sui bian la..jus look presentable can le la..they say i look like small like girl still studying in high school..haha..hmm..wad makes me have that kind of face..ppls says 像由心生..tt's y i still look so kiddish ba..

falling asleep le..gotta sleep le..tmr den so temple stuff ba..zzzzzzzz

This year's birthday went to chalet..i din invite lotsa ppls as I jus want it to be a small gathering..plus need to discuss and trial games for the camp..althou the kids finished their exams..i'm still as busy as ever...once i leave school..calls keep coming in..on the upcoming activities in school..cca...blah blah..jaja wana call in oso cannot..it's jus like last time when the house phone keep on ringing..until really wana wana plug off the phone..jaja too..feel like offing phone..so many ppl finding us..if not thinking that parents might call..we'll definitely off phone..


This is what jaja did..gave me a surprise actually..when my mind was still in school..thou i don look very surprised la..but really..sth which couldn't be bought by money..hee..blue flowers again..mama ask how come always blue and not red..maybe they dono i like blue flowers..i oso can't be bothered to explain..hee..my bdae cake..oso jaja buy one..actually this whole thingy all he pay leh..feel so xin tong for him..

hmm..i suddenly feel that when u oredi have a perception..it's very difficult to accept another perception..as i step into this big city life..i realise..there are lotsa things that is not so simple..for some things there's not really right or wrong..jus gotta see whether u can accept it..or not..

actually i really really mind how ppl see me..alot alot..always trying not to make ppl have the "dislike me" feeling..den it'll be my fault to "agitate" their feelings towards me..jus wanted to live in peace ba..jus don wana trouble any1..i don really like to talk behind ppl's back..tt's y when others say i jus listen more..in this world..it's really difficult not to make any wrong decisions..even thou i have thot of the consequence..i really did..but..life is really bout choices..how ppl think..really can't control..but wad i can do is try not to think of anything..everytime i get upset more bout how ppl look at me..

sometimes it's tiring..to be under this kind of "ugly light"..to really strive out wad i really wanted..plus lots and lots of obstacles..i chose a hard way to go..and everytime i find myself..only myself supporting myself..wad other things can i do but gotta move on..i really did try to make an effort to understand everyone ard me..i really treasure everyone..but i dono y..the more i'm doing that..the more disappointing i find myself to be..bcos in this world..it's not a reciprocal thing to treat each other good..

wad's the feeling of being misunderstood or doesn't get understanding frm others..everytime i write blog..i seem to be pessimistic..not like the real life me..cos the real life me doesn't noe how to express myself..actually i feel that most of the ppl has an inner and outer self..jus that they don potray to ppl and have different faces towards different ppl..there sure is..

under this kind of family..this kind of envt..end up the result will oso be the same kind..these days parent keep quarreling..eyelid keep twitching..i jus feel very irritated..in some way..money is impt to me..i mean..my family..for myself..i don need anything..$300 bucks per month is enuff for me..really..i can jus live a simple life like a nun..and even considered doing so..to give up everything..i really did..but the burden of family..i jus couldn't let go..ppl are jus bogged down by a ‘情’字..me too ba..everything jus seems ok..and bcos of a lousy starting..if i say i don have negative thots bout r/l..tt's not true..actually everytime..i've always prepare for the worst..tt's y always pick myself up faster than other ppl..i guess tt's a trademark of a scorpio too..

sometimes i really really noe i'm in the wrong..but the thing is i really gotta move on..the "stop and look back" me in the past is really no good..tt's y i decided to change..if not i'll forever live in guilt and regret..who doesn't have...who can really judge whether a decision made is right or wrong..if a person don accept ur thinking and idea does tt mean they can't be frenz anymore..

working and study life is really different..mindest really gotta change..and after listening to so many stories..soome sad..some happy..how to ppl judge whether a story is really a sad or happy one..it's all up to a person's mind..

actually sometimes jus a change of thinking it'll jus make a person live happier..i guess maybe i feel that there isn't much time left..jus wanted to do..sth which i really enjoy ba..i wonder wad if last time end up i really commited suicide wad will be the ending now..tink i'll jus drop this topic..i jus noe that..this is my bonus time tt i'm still alive..no matter wad..jus wanted to live my life to the fullest..

i dono y my colleagues sitting beside me always complain.."y u always do so much stuff for them..it's oredi after exam le...can u jus relax.." jus want them to enjoy lesson more..sch life more..rather than watching movie for the whole day ma..

a person who steals to help the poor..is the person good or bad...i've been thinking these questions for quite some time..actually last time..i will sure say..he's definitely a bad guy..tt's wad a kid's answer too..cos they doesn't understand..steal means steal..no matter help others or not.. still bad..but after some time..perception tend to be different..and if it's me..will i do that..doing sth bad for the sake of others..if i'm a loner..i'll probably do that too..no burden..nth..being caught..no regrets..but the thing is...it's reality..how can minority thinking win majority thinking..and yet..aft some time..minority thinking start to be majority thinking..and aft tt..majority back to minority thinking..it's jus goes on and on..

after spending so much time blogging..think all i wrote was rubbish..who will really go and think bout all these when so many other stuffs are in front of their faces..crazy..actually blogging could be a harm by exposing oneself to others..more misunderstandings and stuff ba..how..lotsa stuff oso dono how..am i blur or am i alert?

some ppl can jus get tgt for half a yr and get married..happily ever after..while some dated..or married for years..end up stil separate..while some..thou tgt..but there's no more feeling towards each other..some..oredi engaged..but divorced within a yr..all happening around me..diff ppl have diff experience..and have different outcomes..wad bout mine? i can't gurantee now..can't gurantee in the future..so jus treasure now..cos some things jus gotta happen to urself before u realise sth..and tt's y lead to different outcomes..

when u accept ppl for who they are will ppl accept u back? there's always some lay back type..can't be bothered type..who can see who more clearly..and even if u thot the person is showing true self..it might jus turn out to be a fake one..do u really noe the closest person well? you parents? friends? or will u believe a stranger words more cos they have no reason to harm u..what do u believe? this? or that? past? or future?

lyrics..it seems so beautiful..but they are jus made up of stories..of life..some true..and some are not..while some are half half..but it still seem as it is..no matter it gives a happy..or sad mood..as long it serves the purpose..who cares about anything behind it..as long as it's beautiful can le..who don like to see beautiful things..sometimes the more clear it is..the more ugly..y not jus take off ur specs..having a blur vision might see more beautiful things..too detailed u'll jus see all the flaws..and tend to focus on that dot..ha..i'm not toking bout kids la...this oso applies to other stuff in life.. tt's y..sometimes feels good to be in specs..can take it off if u don wana see anything..

these days tend to think more cos more time..din sleep well actually..thou there's nth for me to do..i still sleep 5 hrs..not sleepy at all..jus tired..couldn't sleep..i oso dono y..from the all dono..tend to noe le..noe wad i really wan..some things cannot be explained..jus like tat..sometimes tink shd i jus control and restrict myself..or jus let myself go..do i really pass my rebellious stage..is my thinking too naive or too mature..i'm oredi 21..i shd noe wad i wan and shd affirm myself le..tt's y decision making is always hard..but i noe dere are 3 things that i wan..my kids definitely 1st..

actually u'll agar agar now how a person thinks of feels from their age..experience..if u're not tt person..u'll nvr understand how they feel..today..chatted with a teacher..and a parent..the parent has breast cancer..thou she's on medication..she's quite pessimistic..and all i could do is to make the conversation happier..really pei fu...and a teacher..toking bout a kid i teach..

hug hug..don worry..everything will be fine..really wish to do that..noe everyone is really trying hard to do wad they shd do..no matter who..as it's end of the year soon..exams..lotsa stuff to settle before end of yr..jiayou

My printer is spoilt..the one that i bought by myself..without my sis help..and den carry all the way from expo..is spoilt..the day before that..sis was using it..and it's like going to spoil..but she stil can manage to print out her things in the end..den the next day when i used it..the feeder got prob..i was oredi getting irritated cos i need to print sth out..

den i din say anything leh..i jus went into my room and talk on the phone with jaja to vent out my unhappiness..den there she goes..adding vinegar..spices..and lotsa ingredients..say i unhappy liao lo..as if she's the one spoiling the printer..but i think she did wad..cos that time she use really paper jam until siao..such an impt thing..printer..she dono how to take care de leh..that time i bought printer by myself so that she don use it..cos i use my own money to buy de..i don wana let her use..and took it to hall and nvr bring back le..i jus don wan her to touch my things..but she forever itchy hand de lo..touch this and that..everytime oso touch my things..i oredi say i don like her but still touch and see..

den hor..she force the whole family to go out and buy printer..say can go for dinner along de way..and still say wana go toa payoh COURTS! to buy..how stupid can she be..sure very ex de lo..and the reason is toa payoh nearer easier to bring the printer back..really cannot take it anymore le..

den i say go sim lim better..so went sim lim lo..den end up she say..wah..i very precious lo..buy a printer need the whole family to go..it's she who say wan all of us to go lo..i can always settle by myself..stil say...other ppl cannot print ah..everything all i do..den other ppl all die lo..no printer to use..how come other ppl printer spoil can wait for weeks to fix it or buy one..i spoil den gotta buy one immediately..but the thing is..i need it to print my school stuff too..she holiday finish all her project is her biz lo..i need to do de lo..

it's not about the money prob u noe..is she's at fault but still push all the blame to me lo..and still divert attention say i complain to the whole world bout her tt i speak bad things bout her..if she doesn't have anything for ppl to say who will say her..i oredi diam diam don say anything le..cos i trying not to agitate my parents and make the world family quarrel..but she and her mouth..keep saying bout it..

i wanted to jus leave them asap after buying the printer..so i called jaja earlier to come and meet me earlier so that i can jus go off earlier..i really don wana hear anything bout her toking anymore...all i could see is she diaoz jaja in the lift..my parents don even do that lo..mum stil ask jaja and me to join them for dinner..i don really wana see her lo..end up she'll jus say more nasty things during dinner and make everyone upset..when i was leaving..she says..good lo..throw the printer for us to carry home..actually i can jus carry the printer with me de..but i can't be bothered to say anything..at the very end..she gave me a very fierce stare in the public..cos i stil think she's the one who spoilt it..so i say it out..

me and jaja purposely walked another way so that we won have a chance to meet each other in public..my first printer that i bought..jus gone..like tat..thou mum says printer 2 year..about time to spoil..but the thing is..i din really use it to print leh..i save alot..i try to print in sch instead of home..while sis..she keep using my laptop..my printer..until both wierd wierd de..setting everything all wierd wierd de lo..that time cold war she don dare to use my printer..den i jus stop the whole thing den she uses my everything..if she wan she buy her own lah..how come eveyrtime gotta use mine..it's not as if she don have her own laptop..but still uses mine to scan..to watch youtube and stuff..jus becos she's too lazy to on her laptop..i oredi try not to quarrel with her le lo..u see how she is..she's jus getting more and more 得寸进尺 lo..can she jus stop it..ya..i'm 懦弱..i jus keep on crying and dono how to fight back..but the thing is..what for..end up be like her? fight it out? ann quarrel? end up will just make the whole family unhappy..there's oredi disputes between dad and mum..i jus don wana say anything anymore le..i find it very meaningless le lo..it's not that i don wana care..is i dono how to care..that's y i always seem so "heartless" as wad she says...eveyrthing oso don care..i have my own stuff to do de lo..and as if she contribute..she only contribute money ba...and ya..another thing is her loud voice lo..

she don understand me den suan le..but can she don come and disturb and find trouble? irritating leh..don like me den don like la..y does she need to find trouble and kake the whole family unhappy..doesn't she noe parents oredi old liao cannot take it..still let them shout and rant..sian lo..i din say i din make parents angry la..but te thing is i try to obey them so that they don need shout..the only thing tt tey'll say bout me is to bath earlier..but sometimes really too tired to get up of sofa to bath..so i jus overslept and bath too late..but i really cannot control ma..but end up i will bath de la..

sianz..den now she not at home..mum keep complaining to me bout wad she say lo..say everything oso tell bf..ya wad..bf close ma..if not tell who..tell her ah..she don have anywhere to talk to or vent her anger is her biz lo..making other ppl angry is her fault liao..i don wana argue with her le..
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my eyelid keep twitching these days..and really sth bad happen..this..and some things in sch..jus bcos of a simple email..it like went around the whole singapore and went back to the top ppl..sigh..ok..my fault..i blur..dono anything so wana clarify things...

but den...I"M VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY HAPPY!!!! why?? becos.....BOTH MY CLASS DID VERY WELL FOR SA2!!!! as long as they got improvement den i very happy le..hee..tt's my sometimes my left eyelid oso twitch abit..i'm sure the kids wil oso be happy too..and their parents..hee..happy for them..when they noe their results..wishing them good luck in other subjects too..