walking with my hurting leg..hugging my papers tt need to be marked..actually walking alone wasn't that lonely after all..no matter wad..the toughest day is over..having to take care of jaja's class when he's on mc..and brief the relief teacher..and make sure everything is well taken care of..plus need to settle my books for checking..i actually walk the most today with my hurting leg..climb 4th floor twice..up and down for dono how many times..ate my lunch but still hungry but couldn't find anymore time to go down buy anything for tea break..it's so hungry..i wish i could go home fast..but my hurting leg..i couldn't walk fast..and i could only see my bus fly pass me..everything i did was so slow..kids try to bully me by cheating during spelling when i was sitting down..i couldn't walk to them as my legs are really hurting..and they start to run around..chit chatting..and end up cos of my 3 days mc..dey din do well for today's spelling and test..i was so disappointed..and feel so guilty tt if i have more time to do more revision with them the grades won be like this..when will i have the time to chase back their result..

although i don feel stress cos i'm prepared to chiong..but it's really tiring..really sleep from 1 to 8..and when u're nt sleeping..either u work..or u mark books..or u study notes..it's so packed tt i could hardly ever breathe..and i was like thinking how come others still can dilly dally chit chat or take mc sleep for so long..everything is in a mess cos i dono how to organised..i think i won "the most untidiest teacher's desk" of the year..and i don even now is the kids lost their books or i lost it..i really keep marking non-stop le but still cannot finish..the kids were so happy that these few days i din give them any homework..cos i can't even catch back the "post 2 day mc syndrome"..tt's y teaching got disrupted and they can't do well..

my one week break..gone..mon attend course..tue wed go for lesson..and rest of the days planning to go hongkong for a short trip..is it really a getaway for me..actually holiday is for me to catch back wad i haven done..i really need the clock to stop..i really need that time..to catch up..to do more..

what is a definition of a good teacher? does a good teacher mean...a teacher with no cock ups? if it is..den i'm not a good teacher..recently..made alot of cock ups..jus becos i'm slow..actually i've got thousand and one things to remember..and i really tried to jot everything down..but i still missed out some stuff..esp those which will cause a major cock up..whether in teaching..or admin stuff..i just..

this morning dono y..i jus feel my head's spinning..i dono cos of the stress or cos i'm still weak..suddenly jus couldn't think rite..and the class was so noisy these days.and i dono y...and i dono wad i'm thinking and jus let them do the whole chapter of workbook as homework..when they haven even finish studying that chapter yet..i felt so bad over it..but everything is just so last minute..i gotta consider in their shoe..either to give them homework..or to let them relax for a day..and end up jus bcos i'm stress..i went to stress them as well by making the decision to give them homework that they dono how to do..this is the first time..and i felt so bad over it..

p1 spelling result..and p2 spelling..all dropped..is it really bcos that 2 days i din come tt's y everything dropped? i really wish i hadn't take that 2 days..end up i still couldn't adjust back..one day is oredi bad enuff for me..and 2 days somemore..i dono wad i should teach..wad i should mark..i just feel so lost..just like a machine broke down..2 days somemore..delayed for 2 days..i dono need how long to catch them back..cos i really don have the energy to do it anymore..

i don just wana be a teacher..i just wana be myself..i began to understand myself..and i like myself for being able to understand myself..not internally..at least now i noe that morning is the best time for me to mark things cos i'm alert..and i'm very suitable to go for nite classes cos i feel awake as well..i like the me in the afternoon running around cos it keeps me awake at my most tired timing..however i still need to learn how to be organised cos i'm really a very agar agar person and things are lying around everywhere..i'm not a systematic person..i really dono how to organise myself systematically..i tot things can just stay like tat..while others just look in queer..how can it be like that..i don mind giving ppl impression that i' messy..kiddish..unprofessional..as long as i know wat i'm doing..the most impt thing is..as long as my kids trust me..i really don mind how others look at me..

jaja keep on stressing that i did this wrong..i did that wrong..cham ah..wait later kana complain..must do this..must do that..cannot like tat..wad's wrong with me if i do or don do..but the way he say actually makes me feel very sad as it sort of exxagerate my cock up..when i was thinking that..nvm..time will make ppl forget the cock up..jus don repeat again..i keep telling myself that..tt's y i don ever feel bad about it until he says.. he's a guy..he has his own way of thinking..he shdn't always put his idea or his style of thinking and doing onto me even thou it's efficient..cos i noe he's sure gotta miss out sth that i didn't..being by his side so some time..seeing him miss out so much stuff..i bet he'll ask me wad he missed out..he just doesn't feel wad i feel..tt's all..some things to him isn't important..even if it's important..it just seem like a routine to be important..not "feel that it's important"..ok..talking chim again..shd stop it now..

i really really need to pick up myself..i did try to follow my resolution hor..and i'm happy about it..battle time!

haven battle yet..and doctor gave me 2 day mc..actually i'm fit to go back on mon de..no fever..but oso good la..can mark my stuff..but den..sigh..worried bout my students studies..

Sick now..it's a sudden one..went to school..den while eating lunch..feel sore throat..den go to temple..start to feel cold..den i noe i'm having fever..probably bcos friday i screw up sth tt's y too stress til sick..or i slept only 4 hours yesterday..den bath quite late..den mummy say i sure will catch a cold..and i really caught a cold..i haven see doctor yet..tmr see how..sleep early today..

i really really wanted to take care of myself..to drink more water..to sleep more..but i jus dono y..time flies so fast and i din drink enuff water..din sleep enuff..i really shdn't do that..i really have to reflect how come i can't have more self discipline to take care of myself..

as i'm going to unisim..there'll be more and more stuff for mr to do and think..and as such..i cannot afford the time to fall sick..if not i suffer..my kids suffer..my studies suffer..i shd make a promise to myself to really have a good and healthy lifestyle..no matter how much time i steal..sleep and water is the most most impt now..i must..MUST..do it..

Resolution starting from 20 July 2009:
- sleep at least 7 hours a day (sleep latest by 1, wake up by 8)
- aim to drink at least 2 bottle of 500ml water per day in school..water or soft drinks
- exercise at least once or twice a week no matter how busy..exercise keeps me fit!
- no matter hungry or not..when it's time to eat..just eat!
- cut down time on watching drama and tv
- bath latest by 11pm..unless for special reasons like come back late
- do not fall asleep on the sofa or computer! if tired..just go to the bed and sleep!

i need to learn how to take care of myself in order for things for me to work..i'll remind myself all the time..paste posters at home..in school..and just do it!

我的战斗人生......才刚刚开始呢......接下来的半年我一定要好好的拼一拼！

as a PE com member..i'm one of the 3 teachers to bring the students out for bowling competition..reached school at 7am..and bring them to clementi chervons..as they're p6 students..their score was definitely better than alot of ppl..they've bowled for a few years..but they're really noisy..spilled coke on the floor..fouled the most times..on the way back..more jialat..start to havoc in the taxi..open window..say foul lauguage blah blah..and i gave them money to buy cheese fries..

back to school..tuesday need to teach 8 period..longest day..still got pe somemore..i was oredi getting headache on the way back in the taxi and pop a panadol..felt so tired aft eating..but luckily..it works..jus feel like sleeping..

actually i was very hungry..ate breakfast early morning..and shared a few cheese fries with the kids..actually was quite hungry de..but reach sch very late..time to go for lesson..plus headache..so i din eat..den jus dong all the way until they p1 recess den eat together..

last 2 period..went to help out the food donation drive..which is wad i really wan..just go help pack those stuff tt the kids brought..and help to translate letter to parents..jaja oso very happy tt he's doing this project to help those needy families..

tired..really..and i manage to pull myself to the bathroom to shower and eat le quickly make myself fall asleep..without marking anything..

just feel very empty on a friday nite without going anywhere or anything urgent to complete..so ate lotsa titbits with my dinner..green pea titbits..green tea royce chocolate..just after i finish my soup..i had a long burp..choke..cough until very badly..and just threw up..i do not have enuff time to go to the toilet or basin..end up at the outside washing dishes basin..and some on the floor..it's really a mess..and my shirt are all stained..i immediately cleared the mess..and went to bath..all the green green thing came out..through my mouth and nose..had a hard time clearing the pipe..luckily my family just say me..din scold me..before that was thinking about all my favourite desserts tt i could eat..cheesecake.chocolate mousse..cookies and cream..ice cream waffle..and a cup of sth milky..now..after the puke..no appetite le..

nowadays..too tired..sleep until 12 plus on the sofa..den wake up to bath..den like din sleep alot..hair start to drop alot..the very mild mild flu and cough jus doesn't go away totally..and now for like no reason threw up so badly..i suddenly gt a thot..wad if really 1 day..i kana some illness or sth..nowadays appetite very good..can eat and eat..ppl like me shdn't be eating so much de..i oso dono wad's wrong with me..

anyway..today is a very stress and relax day for me..in a way tt i gotta present the games tt i design for p2 games day..but i only need to teach for 4 periods today..until now..my hand are stil a little trembling..nt bcos i'm scared..jus bcos i carried the whole basket of equipment all up by myself to the hall..i was so gan chiong cos i arrive half an hour before tt.. den i forgot to take the equipment tt i need to bring up..so agar agar use my memory to see wad i need to bring..and i carried the whole big basket of things up..with some of the things still in the pe room cos i really have no hands to carry anymore..couldn't put it inside the basket..3 storey high..i was watching the kids running during recess..while i climbed..and stopped to take breaths before i continue..as i'm nt tall enuff..really feel like dragging the basket up the stairs..but i noe couldn't work..no matter wad..i jus force myself up and place can le..

luckily later jaja got help me take the remaining things up so tt i don need to walk down again..the sch's now very big..cannot like tat up and down..den receive a msg.."meeting in the staff room"..i was like oh gosh..my hard work went into vain..lucky i got call and ask them come up..and it's quite a success..don need explain much..jus see le den will noe wad to do..jaja jus said...this morning, when i reach hall, see u sweating like a pig... but then end up your presentation of games went very well... i supposed it is all worth it..i also feel happy for myself..

we were talking about satisfaction..then i said..i noe i oredi try my best le..try until i fall sick..worry alot..this and tat..even if i don do well..at least it is my hardwork and effort tt i've put in..diff ppl got diff expectation..i always like to work the hard way to make myself satisfied with the achievement tt i've done..even if i find a short cut way..i won feel the same as wad i feel now..

i dono y i said that..but i jus suddenly thot of it..alot of stuff..really gotta been thru it..or probably the hard way before u really feel things u shd feel..

anyway..stil don feel very good after puking..don wana type so long..

the end