been sick for a few days..after shedding a little..start to get feverish when i go back home..mum din sleep well these days..as dad and sis went kl..with only me around..she stil don feel safe at home..i really hope that she'll not act up..useless me..can't give her sense of security even if i stay at home totally for a week..shd hav agreed to go out with her when she suggest to go for a walk at bugis..but end up she changed her mind..and ask me to go out with bf..i tink she knew tt cos they went overseas..tt's y i stayed at home to pei her..and she knew that i eat home food until sianz..tt's y ask me to go out with bf to eat..mum is jus mum..even if i don say..she knows wad i want..tt's y i slways trust her alot..thou she din study much..not much knowledge..but i know she knows me inside out..

school's starting soon..i hope to jus fight it out for the whole year..give it my best shot again..althou there's stil lotsa question marks here and there..i shd learn to face things bravely..no matter wad..i shd learn to grow up..to be stronger le..and not to fall sick so easily..learn how to take care of myself..so tt mum don worry so much..i tink i really let her worry alot..jus a small fever and she'll wake up once in a while in the middle of the nite to check on me..hope her rheumatism isn't so bad as the weather gets cold..i shdn't jus sit in front of the computer all the to watch tv..i shd have jus went into her room..and she'll auto talk to me..maybe she won feel so alone..so lost..so scared..i knew it..yet i've done nth..

everything in this world might be fake..but the bond..relationship..which is permanent..it doesn't change..tt's y it's true..everything has it's own destiny..it's jus that whether our feelings are affected by it or not..

jus wonder..i guess many boyfriends will look at those pretty girls on the streets which is consider fake to me..if ur girlfriend is jus beside u..if u are the girlfriend..how would u feel..angry? jealous?me?..i'll choose to laugh at my boyfriend for being such a typical man who's easily being controlled by woman..笑他们的浮浅，他们的愚昧...hahaha..cos i feel so stupid when i am sad or angry..cos i bet man will jus sontinue looking and looking..wad's the use of being angry..i always tell myself..even if u feel sad..jealous..angry..i think it's better not let ur boyfriend noe..cos maybe they'll jus take u for granted..me?haha..i'll jus put up a brave front..and laugh..they should feel ashame of themselves...for not being able to control..look at girls in front of their own girlfriends..it's 犯了大大的忌..haha..ya..free show..it's free..watch lo..watch somemore lo..it jus shows they're so..******..haha..might as well jus embarass them suan le..if u're jus angry..wad do u get..u get nth..might as well jus get back at ur boyfriend ya...well..i'm a scorpio..

and some girls..when they're in relationship..they got prettier..cos they'll make an effort to doll up for their boyfriend..so that their boyfriends will look at them more when they go out together instead of other girl? ha..i feel that woman shd doll up for themselves..nt solely jus bcos of their boyfriends..for me ah..i'll do tt when i'm nt in good mood la..jus to make myself feel better about myself la..but..i think i din really have any powder on my face for quite long..since the very last of friend's 21st formal bdae?

hahaha..jus laugh...hahaha..feelings stress? jus laugh! hahaha..feeling sad? jus laugh! hahaha...it'll jus chase that feeling away..being a lunatic is more happier than a 清醒person i guess..i'm crazy ya..受了很大的刺激？太过悲观？看破红尘？？？

since everything is fake..shdn't bother so much..ppl are always like tat..they'll take u for granted as the time goes by..no matter friends or families..might as well use the time and effort to meditate and calm myself or chant some prayers for those in need..rather than care so much about so much stuff..tt's how i feel..and i shd do tt..

there are so many problem and stuff happening in this world..how much can u care..my answer will be..as long as it's within my limit ba..when can i have the chance to go to poorer countries to help out..i'm jus waiting for that opportunity and the right time..being with those poorer ones jus makes u feel more blessed and look at things in another perspective or view..i guess it's too far stretch..now i jus help my little kids ba..dono which naughty ones..cute ones..blur ones..will be with me..and i really hope my blurness doesn't spread to them..ppl say kids are jus like the teacher..the class atmosphere will show a teacher's character..must have a clear mind when i teach..i feel i always make them blur blur de..

i hope it'll be a fruitful year next year..i don wana waste another year doing useless stuff..i hope to do sth more meaningful..wad thing..still thinking..right shoulder very pain now..can't think of anything..can't even turn my head.. and yeah..i open another account..finally made some decent decision for myself..

thou i'm not a language person..i'm learning jap..and teaching chi..and planning to take up the translation course at sim..cos i always believe hard work always pay off at the end..my aim is jus a pass..simple yet seem difficult..

i'm not pretty..i'm not beautiful..i'll always remember that..

Yes! Batam trip..it's been quite a long time before i went overseas..end up me..jaja..yvonne..james..jess..went together..s very short 2 day trip

travel by ship for an hour..went to the top to take lotsa photos and blow wind..
and once we reach..we went to nagoya hill shopping centre shop shop..and...play arcade!
as the sun set..we were eating dinner at a seaside..nice!

the next day..we had our breakfast at the hotel.. picture speaks thousands of words..there's more here..
http://s549.photobucket.com/albums/ii377/jamescreation/Batam%202008/?albumview=slideshow

It's been a month since i update my blog..really busy with lotsa stuff..school..after that camp..den meetings...packing..tidying up..lucky i still manage to squeeze some time to write on my diary..and able to stil capture some precious moments for this 1 month..

10-12 nov: rush stuff out for school's leap camp..whereby these 2 days they learnt lotsa stuff..most of them are aesthetics atuff..and display those art pieces they did during these 2 days leap camp..the student deifnitely learnt lotsa stuff..as it's quite rush..i even helped some of the kids for the colouring part..but it's fun..hee..luckily i went to a class where the teacher is teaching art..i really like art alot..hee..

13nov: it's school's graduation day for the p6..gotta go to school earlier den others as the band's performing..as usual..the kids are crying..but it's very touching..heard that last year the kids cried more than this yr..den gotta bring those heavy instruments back..gotta carry down from 2nd floor..some heavy stuff drop on my toe..end up bruise lo..it's like tat..

14-16 nov: had a very long chat with jaja standing at some bus stop eating dust by the roadside..den ate lotsa stuff..these days dono y he tend to upset me..mayb cos both of us are oredi very busy and tired..he brought me 环kovan 吃吃吃..4 diff thing at 4 diff places ba..wad exactly we ate..hmm..forgot le..gotta recall again..cos these few days i jus noe i was quite angry with him for upseting me..tt's all..

17 nov: it's meeting week in school..lots and lots of meeting..and doing nex yr's worksheets and stuff

18th nov: busy busy! after meeting in sch..went to watch disney with jaja..3 favourite stories i like together leh..hee..den immediately aft tt..took taxi straight down to temple for meeting..den pack those games props until 12..lucky gt ppls send me back home..

19th nov: went for some chi course today..met jess and some other classmate..i fell asleep on the mini bus while on the way to yishun jc..and met my jc teacher helping out dere..some of us were sleeping soundly..i trying to sleep more cos these few days meeting until like siao sia..den aft a while day course.. went for my Jap lesson..

20th nov: really wana go popular fair..if don go today..really no other days to go le..so manage to squeeze out some time to go aft sch as sch ends abit earlier den other days..found out that i'm in afternoon session..and the thing is..i'm in pe committee instead of cme com..and i'm stil the in charge for p2 in pe com..diaoz..i dono anything sia...jaja in pm session sia! everyone's so shocked tt he suddenly come down to pm session..got pros and cons lo..after rushing..back to temple..pack props and do some last minute discussion..and our skit..we din really practice sia..another day to 12 midnight..

21st nov: prepare my stuff to go for the camp..took everything to school..don care..today is staff retreat..theme: living a healthy lifestyle..and we did lotsa exercise today..and knew lotsa knowledge on eating and exercising..hee..i was having fun doing those sweating exercises..oh ya..a sad thing happen..whereby a cleaner fell down and died in our sch..ambulance came..and it took us sometime to notice tt the cleaner fainted or sth..on the way to hospital den......the revenerd came to chant some sutra..may he be in peace..and den..during the evening..the eating held in the "parade square"..they employ a gal to sing and some teacher'ss bf to play the keyboard..and while it's ending..it rained..and we shifted to the hall for a movie..jaja left with some teachers to have some drink..while i took cab to changi aloeha..the driver took me to aloha loyang instead..on the way to the chalet..i felt so lost..carrying heavy stuff with me..and alone in the taxi..dono where i'm gg..and finally..i was at the chalet..first thing is we tried to prepare the props for the games..most of us dybers were very hyper..until quite late when the teachers put us to sleep..but den..i was the last to sleep..as i was the last to bathe..and i was sitting in the living room alone..i felt quite stress up actually..and felt kinda sad..tt jaja just left me like tt...and there're bus handles hanging everywhere..made of light sticks..while i was waiting for my hair to dry..finally..after so much hard work..the day has arrived..i noe all of us..waiting for the day to come too..

22nd nov: still at the chalet..early in the morning at 7..i slept for maybe 3 hours? we woke up early to prepare to welcome the campers..and we practice our welcome..and our theme song of the camp..i tried to think of dance steps..superb sia..think on the spot..and den..they came!! they were surprised that we're so on welcoming them..i guess they really feel it..luckily due to time..the game that i need to lead was cancelled..if not i'll be very gan chiong sia..lead the game..so many ppl..eee..blah blah blah..the game started..it's raining..so all our games need to be indoors..but it doesn't spoil our mood..still playing..but i bet all of us are tired..tt's y thou we tried our best to open our eyes to watch the movie..some of us jus fell asleep..i felt so guilty and regret tt i feel asleep..the lecturer was superb..the movie's superb..jus tt we're jus too tired..this nite..we're still the last few to sleep..need to discuss some things..and caluclate marks for the games..some of us oso cannot take it anymore..can see the tireness in them..and we slept at 2..

23rd nov: 2nd day of camp..we went out for a walk in the morning to breathe some fresh air..and we tried to be hyperactive..we played some warm up games..and prepare our own skit..the other campers are oso busy preparing theirs..at the end.."closing ceremony"..most of them was tearing..y? too many details..and lotsa stuff which could not be explained here..i jus knew we had put lotsa effort in this camp..we cry over it..and some of us were tearing..effort..and the bond that was dere..the teachers were worried bout us as this time they let us youth group to organise this event..sometimes our things are in a mess..we're in a lost..but they jus say..let them be messy..let them be lost..it's like tat..and we jus settle out in our own way..first time plan a camp..but oso thanks..with the help of the teachers..we're able to have this camp..and able to plan this camp..this opportunity..不是每一次都有这个机会的..really need to be grateful..really learn lotsa things..had lotsa fun..i guess we had more fun than the campers..learn more things than the campers..thou during planning some of us are very angry..stress..sad..afraid..no confident..cos the support of each other..we manage to pull thru..the teachers were so nice..bought some individual gifts for us..used 2 hours to choose de..everyone loves their own present..me too..i got a panda planner..hee..jus nice for me to use..i'll remember it..aft tt i jus share cab home with some of them..din wait for sis..cos i noe she'l sure take bus back..which i'll arrive an hour later..i no more energy le..sorry..

26th nov: went wild wild wet with jaja..had lotsa fun! hee..den watch movie at his place and went for jap lesson

27th nov: went to ktv with jaja..tink his singing improve..or is it i did not hiam so much as before?? hee..

28th nov: went to guitar and went gym...oh no..dono y the guitar seem heavy..and i went to shop with the guitar around..and oso my gym stuff..i bought lotsa books again..oh no..itchy hands..shdn't have..but those are the books which i'l read and will like de..hee..but 50 bucks jus gone like tat leh..hmm..really cannot take it..my spine start to pain when i was shopping around..and i still went to shop around at gym area for clothes..met huileng at the gym...and aft gym i still go and buy bread..and on the way home i was carrying lotsa small and big bags liao..and i oredi cannot tahan cos the guitar really makes my spine very painful le..i really..sigh..jaja come over to my house eat maggi mee..very gan chiong sia..as he's late..but oso not his fault la..he's oso starting to get " temper up" liao..i think i nose nose him and calm him down before he comes into the house..his hands were itchy..immediately wanted to on computer..becomes a habit sia..and i stopped him..eat den eat la..on com for wad..hee..

1 Dec: went to pasir ris for bowling..jaja din play properly de..end up 2 game i win him..yeah!! den we went kbox again to sing..sing lotsa new songs and duets sia..hee..he thot k lunch buang de..but end up quite nice..decided to go home early..

2 dec: went to sentosa for the whole day..jus like a tourist..we won be able to meet any frenz dere..most probably..cos don think a local will go around sentosa like a tourist..indeed..most of them are not locals..hee..i think when i was taking the train in..i saw one of my students..from a wealthy family..den i quickly siam..too bad..my camera no bat..but oso good la..can focus on enjoying myself than taking photos..can stil use phone to take ma..he..we went to lotsa places..but oso spend lotsa money lo..but really had fun..i told jaja..enuff le..go out everyday very xiong..need to rest at home le..if not get scolding..

3 dec: went for guitar..tried to look aroung after lesso..but guitar too heavy..tink spine got prob aft last week..jaja rode his bicycle for jap lesson..and i took a ride on his bike on the way home..hee..so shuang..the wind blowing..we really go and 兜兜风..as usual..he's not attentive during lesson..gotta keep his hp le..I LIKE JAP!

4 dec: went out with dear..go dhoby gauht to watch movie with his uni frenz..den went to play pool at bugis..and went to sing at k one..they took the 11pm-6am package..cannot take it sia..with my new shoes hurting me..sang til 2.30 den went back le..noe jaja tired aft fixing his comp..he's so gain chiong over his comp leh..tt he can wake up early in the morning at 10 to go sim lim buy compartment for his com..den meet him he'll be late for a few minutes..angry! hee..

5dec: went out earlier to gym and shop for bin bin da ge's pressie.luckily dere's a stall selling wad i wanted..can get it quickly..the hip hop lesson today..we're doing a bitchy song with girly bitchy actions..this is the term which the instructor used too..

6dec: parents quarrel again early in the morning..over the bread i bought yesterday..cos got lizard go in..cannot eat le..dad's fault..din tie the plastic bag properly..den early in the morning at 7am leh..been woke up by them and shout us to eat breakfast dat dad bought to compensate for the bread..oh man..went to told folks home..long time din see them le..too bad bdae boy not around today..can't celebrate..we fixed a date to meet up for dinner..and exchange $5 xmas gift..dono..but i feel glad to be together with them..hee..and we even went to eat sth and walk around at amk..feel so happy..hee..lots to catch up..

7 dec: went to jaja's bro house to play mj for the whole day..lost $30 sia..but den can take care of the cute little ones when they playing..hee..

9th dec: leave house earlier for gym..wanted to shop around again for xmas present..when i was walk ing to the mrt..i realise sth..becos i have no confidence with myself..tt's y i'm pessimistic most of the time..today..i walked with confidence..眼神够定..maybe cos watch lotsa cop show..the character "madam" inside very confident ba..tt's y wanted to be like her..no matter how ppl look at me..i shdn't always think: wad's wrong with me..how come ppl keep looking at me..is there anyting wrong with the clothes i wear..or the way i walk..太在意了..so i shd try to be more confident with myself..today's jazz quite cui..4 ppl left in the middle of the lesson..went shaw tower and drank my 幸福汤...so 幸福！！den went suntec walk walk..bought some gifts again..den went to eat gelare ..dono y tuesday buy waffle cheaper..but den i feel very 幸福got cheap waffle to eat..compare to those normal days where i eat gealre waffle..diferent sia..and it's so crowded today..hee..sometimes it's oso not a bad thing to 贪小便宜..cos maybe the things tt u 贪小便宜得来的u'll tend to treasure more..

10 dec: finally...I'm later den jaja today! yeah! usually he's always late when he meet me..so today i deliberately go downstairs later..and be late..so tt he won feel so bad..hee..but partially oso bcos mama ask me eat before i go out..so..jus eat lo..went to his jc frenz house to play mj..he say his frens like me alot..dono..i think the others are laughing at our stupid actions and the way we bicker with each other..even his fren's mum oso laugh..oh no..on the way back.i asked him a question..will i be more confident when i teach longer and be more experienced? "that depends" he says..i notice he always give undefined answers to prevent himself from giving definite answers so that he won be wrong ba..due to lots of clashes in te meeting dates with diff ppl..i got abit lost and gan chiong..den dono y make him oso gan chiong and in bad mood..cos it doesn't seems to be impt to him..but to me it's impt..it's oresi very difficult to noe a person..and nowadays ppl are so busy..meet up actually is not easy at all lo..esp in big grps..den need to accomodat everybody's timing..i'm packed nvm..as long as can meet up with frenz i'm oredi very happy le..but he doesnt understand..sigh..nvm..had a tired day..

pcitures? nex time ba..good nite