janicesit

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

since yesterday..i oredi had nightmare about taking my class to swimming lesson..din have a good sleep..den today really sth happened..one of the kids lost her bag..someone took the wrong back..and took it into the male changing room somemore..luckily the girl din cry..took some time to find the bag..and end up 3 classes went back to school late and miss lesson..plus they don have enuff time to eat after coming back...and so paiseh...the english teacher was waiting at the bus bay for them...and they went up striaght for lessons..while the other class teachers let them eat before lesson..a good parent volunteer see they are the only class who din go to canteen eat den bought hello panda for them..

and all these while..i could do nth..i could say i did nth..i couldn't find the girl's bag..u noe how panic i was that time..she was only wearing her swim suit..wad if really cannot find..no school uniform..no towel to dry herself..no food to eat..and wallet and other stuff leh..but the girl is so brave..she din cry..she jus followed me everywhere i go..i walk one step..she walk one step..i only saw her cry once when she fell down and had a big bruise on her face..and they have no time to eat..and miss lesson..wad if the parents complain..yes..it's the first time tt's y there's delay..really hope there's no more second time..it's so stress up lo..

was happily seeing those kids who dono how to swim..and listen to how the cute instructor joke with them.."don drink the water..if not there's no more water for other ppl to swim oredi"..."if ur head is not down in the water...your head not good..den i'll change another head for you.."

i was laughing all these while..until the very end...some don even noe how to bath..den took some time to figure out by themselves wad things put where..i really panic lo..and they din bring enuff food..all was starving and complaining very hungry..but wad to do..they din bring enuff food..canteen only got some things to buy only..

and someone lost her wallet..lotsa incident happen..so stress up..and my back is so painful..i really couldn't sleep well and it really affect my mood..so i jus cry all the way hoping to ease down the pain and feelings in me..

too late le..shan't say anymore..

to be continued..

Monday, March 23, 2009

Hee...had a fun time with them..on one of a weekday..we went to Mad Jack Cafe..

had cheesy fries..

and fried mushroom!

and we oso went to a pub opposite "The crew room" and sang there..dono wad to order..and order tequila with sprite..and we sang..

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another day..we went to a cafe at potong pasir..there got vege stuff to eat..not very ex cos open at neighbourhood estate...T*3 Cafe!

the place there is more for student..got boardgames to play..and internet access! quite cosy there..and we decide to hold our meeting here next time

we played scrabble

and ate cheesy nachos!

and monopoly(disney version) !!

we're having so much fun..jus like kids..buying land..property..and counting the steps step by step...hee..

luckily the shop is closing..so we're told to leave..if not i think we'll jus play throughout the nite..haha..felt so energetic..and as hui jun says..mon doesn't seem to be as blue at all anymore..cos really had a fun time today..

we're having another camp during may..gotta do preview clips again..details will only be known later..

meahwhile..we're sort of complaining bout youth group is going to be dispersed..cos we're like doing diff stuff at diff places breathing diff air..actually it's jus a probation to go into pri class to bring the kids..yes..lotsa choice and possibility..and whether we can take up the responsibility to be devoted to this "moral education class" or not..i'm ok..jus tat really don have that ind of time to meet up like 2 weekends in a month to prepare and stuff..gotta forgo personal time..own activity time..sleep time..blah blah blah..but for the sake of instilling the kids with moral values..to become a better person..it's sth good..wad else can i say..it's really a fun group..and i think it's worth it..

i suddenly feel very energise today..woke up by myself at 8..thou i slept at 3..*hug hug*

Friday, March 20, 2009

my back is really aching until very jialat..when i was doing hip hop..i was in pain..very pain..i dono how to describe..even when i cough..it'll be so painful..even when i breathe deeply..i thot doing some exercise helps..but it doesn't help at all..

these days family was quarreling..actually the family has been like tat since dad was jobless..mum will scold him for no reason or very small reason..until dad got really fed up..and said wana commit suicide jump out of the window la..divorce la..this and that la..

and yesterady..they quarreled again...over..soup..the soup was spoilt as it's been morning til night..and when i ate the things inside..it was sour..i told dad..dad said it was ok..and aft finish the things inside..i drank the soup..it was really sour..and i told dad again it's really spoilt..and mum woke up..and quarrel..with dad saying too early cook dinner..and mum saying too late eat dinner..dad saying the dishes and soup forver got a kind of smell cos leave for too long..mum saying she's not going to cook ever again..

i was having diarrea that very night..feverish..pale..and need to bring students out for competition early in the morning today..i couldn't care anymore..i really need to sleep..

was really tired..and fell asleep everywhere i went..the competition place..taxi..sch..i couldn't take it anymore..i wana quickly go for my gym..i need a break..but end up i din had a good time there as my back was really aching..

life is so full of misery until sometimes i really dono how to continue anymore..physical pain..and mentally hurting..school..body..family..it seems that all has failed me..sometimes i really dono how to continue..i dono wad others wants..and i jus keep giving..and i din ask for anything..and jus to give and give and give..and give.....and give...

and...i gave up..gave up hope..gave up in my belief that a person will change..give up on alot of things..althou it's painful to let go..but short pain rather than long pain..

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

dono if i shouted too much or too over..i start to feel the "package" is coming..my throat don feel good..and start to get block nose..and feverish..today i shouted very loud at the kids..all of them..cos there's really too many small things to settle..when u gave them ur hp number..their parents will even sms or call u on small matters to settle..today is such a hectic day..can't even sit properly to eat..got a few minor stuff to settle..den mark and eat my sandwich at the same time..den gotta rush back canteen to take them up..oredi very heat up liao..den pe..more jialat..heard complainings here and dere..

it's not that i wana give up..i just..cannot take it..my body can't take it anymore..no matter how strong my will power is..how can i make myself stronger..i noe i din drink enuff water..i tried to oredi..but the amount of sweat everyday..i jus couldn't replenish..i'm getting heat up..

as u can see..my books are piling more and more..it's not that i don wana mark..really..bcos i really don have the time to mark...last few days is temple stuff during weekend..gotta wake up at 6..den mon i tried to sleep more..but can't..den come back help jaja print sth..slept at 3 plus..den today 7am wake up again..den all the way 9 periods down..even break need to do some other stuff..and tmr..need to help out for a sports day event in sch..gotta wake up at 7 again..morning can't mark..curriculum time got other stuff..can't even stay back longer to mark cos uncle wana close gate le..and most of them are heavy books which i can't bring back to mark..wad can i do..and my table is in a mess..every student who came to my table to help me put books will say that..even jaja see le oso don wana use my laptop..wad can i do..

sch is ending soon lo..still got so much stuff to let them do before sch close..stil got holiday worksheet and stuff i haven give out..i don wana get sick lo..i don wan! if i really sick i crawl oso will srawl to sch..if not all the class left hanging there..stil need to collect back monitor badge and change person..actually writing here jus to remind myself wad to do..so many stuff..

holiday week:
mon: staff retreat + disney on ice with jaja
tue: go sch pack and organise my stuff + dinner with friends
wed: temple at nite
thu: set SA1 paper if can
fri: bring kids out for competition in morning + afternoon gym
sat: temple (8 to 6)
sun: temple (8 to 6)

i haven include my guitar lesson..and packing of own stuff at home..

what am i doing?

Monday, March 09, 2009

big kor kor says we got 孩子缘...able to be with the kids..and let them be so sticky with us..today stared at lotsa kids at the temple..esp those who's naughty..but was quite happy..to see their "nauhtiness"...i seem to be those kind gentle teacher rite..but i can be fierce...in sch den noe liao..haha..am i consider those firm type or anyhow scold type..ha..dono..need to be more sticky with the p5 and 6s..cos group too quiet liao..plus us..2 quiet teacher together..the whole grp seem much quiet...as u grow older..dono y u'll be more quiet than when u're young..me too..i dono when..but i seem to be very quiet since p4..i still rmb the time when i'm always alone..and alone..and alone..i thot it's normal to do that..only to realise that it's not normal to be always alone at all..rite now..i'm still feeling a little afraid of how to get along with the kids..wad topic to talk to them..i tried liao..tried to rara them..it works..but just need to put in more effort..

just watch a movie where there's a happily ever after ending..it just feel sweet even to think of it..thou some ppl say this kind of ending is too outdated and not true...but it can jus forever be another person's dream..i jus realise..that if ur dream does not include ur partner..den sth's wrong..and tt's y some will suddenly divorce with each other..nt bcos they do not get along well with each other..jus that..in each other's future..it's jus their work..and wad they like to do..they could not forsee their partner together with them in their dreamz..

when will mine come...it's so near yet so far..wanted to go near but dare not touch it..tt kind of phobia..mixed feelings..is another thing which i need to overcome..

another sleepless nite..

Friday, March 06, 2009

ha..someone gave me this idea...guess who's table is who's?

guess which one is mine..and which one is jaja's? the answer is.....you shd noe which one looks more like my table..the 1st one is mine..and the 2nd one is his..really a very big difference rite..teaching same level same subject things shd be the same..but then..sad to say..dono y my table seems to be a mess..and there's only one small whole for me to put and use my laptop..and then..my table shd be bigger than his actually..but dono y like tat..haha..actually the difference is..he throws things and i don throw..left by the previous teacher oso keep..mine oso keep..not mine oso keep..den ppl will find me for extra copies of worksheet..this and that..actually wad u can see is jus the portion of it..beside me..both sides..still got books stacking up de..last time stack only 1 side..now both sides..i oso dono y got so many books..and i don have the habit to put it away from me if it's not marked..

comparing both tables again...

i really cannot believe he's neater than me..but ok la..he's always (seem to be) quite organised and neat la..good impression for ppl too ma..for me..even my kids are complaining...薛老师，你的桌子很乱....yaya..i noe...薛老师，没有位放，放哪里? aiya..jus put anywhere where u can see space..

i really tried to clear my table u noe...but then..it jus pile up more and more..and these days really no time la..not tt i don wan to..really..i really put in my best effort liao..but jus no time lo..

sigh..these 2 days dono y feel very tired in teaching..will tecach until very sian den no energy to teach halfway..or shout until throat too dry den cough..or sometimes stand too long until i cannot stand anymore..

these days worry alot bout lotsa stuff..i wrote a word wrongly in one of the compo..den got parent write on the paper and corrected me..aiya..it's jus a habit tt i wrote that word like tat la..ya la..it jus seems wrong la..tt's y..and ya..the gal of this parent..she's a very good and sensible student..jus tt i seldom see her smile..the feeling tt she gave me is like she's been surpressed..i can really feel it..wad i could only say is...poor thing..she's nt herself anymore..and for a kid..she dono wad is good and nt good for her..she can jus do wad her parents say..and as the time goes by..she'll lose her own self as a kid..tt's wad i'll say..

u noe..sometimes i rather have a talkative class..i rather them be themselves..even if they're unattentive..it's the real them lo..yes..i'll scold..but the thing is i understand they can't sit down properly..i scold scold then over le..but i don wan them to become an adult and lose sth that they shd treasure when they're young..it's just the childhood memories that's precious..u noe..i don have much childhood memories..wad i can remember is classmates bullying me the small sized me..being bullied..and fighting back like a tomboy..but aft tt when i become guai kia i don remember much memories anymore..cos they aren't as deep as those incidents tt happen..in life..i always feel that we shdn't jus 白活..if life is so plain..i really will regret..

went to the gym jus now..but one of my colleague is sick and wanted me to go for tmr's cca duty instead..i was thinking if tmr got go out with jaja..if nt jus say yes will do..den i relied late cos jaja din sya got go out or not..den dono if i need to go down tmr..the whole gym lesson i was worrying...and i couldn't concentrate..i din enjoy at all..and was worrying all the way..i noe i shdn't worry so much..i hate myself for being like tat..i was tinking..siao liao..so many stuff hanging around here and there and i'm getting more and more stress..if others are in my shoe..i bet they won get so stress up..it's jus me..everythine single little thing oso will worry..and sometimes i'll jus go haywire de..

tink i'm getting more and more stress..oh my gosh..

and the most extreme thing is..oredi book to go batam on the weekend AFTER the mar holiday when sch reopens..

these 2 days keep singing in front of the kids..sing and sing..ktv..but sing wad..long time din listen to new songs le..dono wad to sing..see how ba..