2011 dec went Bali...although I have tonsil..I spent few hundred bucks to see doctor still couldn't cure me...end up no matter how worried my mum is.. I still went.. Yes I had a fun trip.. Go cycling roll down the hill when my leg is not long enough to touch the floor.. Went water rafting.. Spa.. Jaja is still disappointed that nobody play waterspouts with him. I dono y he's so unhappy even thou it's a blessing that I can go.. He told me he's upset about everything just bcos of my family..I really dono y he's so upset about it.. when there are even more important stuff to worry about..

After i came back, went to temple for a 2 day lecture.. I try to change.. I see mama coughing for so long.. I really couldn't help her.. She's too weak to move.. I try to learn how to wash clothes that will 脱色 using washing machine..

I've been washing my hands alot.. Bcos I am so afraid that i will get infected..den I'll get sick again.. I already have the phobia of being sick.. It's really a hassle to always use soap to wash hand again and again.. And sterilize the handphone everytime my mum touches it..and don dare to go near her just in case.. I don wish to be like that 洁癖...and there's once i told jaja about this.. He ask me to stop cos he feels gross when i tell the details of how dirty it is..

living in the house is so tiring.. Even my dad is coughing.. The house is full of germs.. I'm really afraid..

I really wish to get out of the hse but I couldn't. I have to take care of mum.. I have sleepless nights when mum called out in the middle of the night..I really jumped up to attend to her..n aft that I keep hearing she was crying in pain.. But end up it's my own imagination.. I keep gg to her room to check if she's calling..it's really physically n mentally tiring..I couldn't sleep well for nights..keep hearing voices that mama is calling in my ear..

Went to a funeral.. It's my good fren's popo.. While I was walking towards the place..I was having alot of feeling.. What shd I say to her.. How will she feel.. I felt nervous cos to me.. It wasn't any ordinary one that I went.. It's my best fren's close ones away from her.. I din say much to her.. I felt I shd be silent.. to feel that kind of feeling of close ones being away.. I want that kind of silent me to feel it..that 感同身受feeling...

Me and Jaja had some kind of... conflict? Problem? Obstacles? that he feels that could not be solved.. He say he's tired.. Cos he's being giving and付出alot and help me alot..and nvr take anything in return and doesn't feel appreciated in this relationship.. He feels neglected as I'm always busy.. So I ask him to go find companions..but the most big thing is he wants to settle down.. My family is nt ready to accept him.. I'm not ready...the time he gives himself is up so he feels tired..

There's once I chatted with him for very long on the phone.. Saying that I never ever complain to him that I'm tired..even thou I have more tiring stuff than him to do.. I only complain in my blog and that's it.. Most impt thing is I just want him to be happy..even if he goes out with frenz ( mostly girls) I don mind.. Cos he doesn't have much guy frenz and I have no time for him.. I give him all the freedom he wants..as long as he's happy..sometimes I really dono how to satisfy his craving of going out to just play and play where I have so much stuff to do..he don need to take care of sick parents.. He don have phobia of getting bad grades..he don need to worry about anything.. His life is so good..far more better than me and yet he's complaining more..

but after a long talk he ok den I ok lo..

I did alot of beads accessories and gave out during Christmas.. I spent alot on the materials..Can go n sell liao..haha..

Finally I have some free time for myself to do some stuff for my frenz.. So good..

Another half a yr and I'll graduate.. I am so so SO happy!! Then I'll have more free time to do stuff that I like.. I just hope I won get sick and my tonsils don get swollen again.. Although it nvr really heal completely.. Bcos of it, I nvr ate any junk food and cut off my favorite Milo for months.. Sigh.. But good thing is I shed 3kg! I hope I can continue to be fit and healthy to keep on going!