每当电视节目一播完，就会突然感到一阵空虚，就好像 戏演完了，散会了，之后要做什么呢？还是这已经变成这个都市的一种弊病，拥有很多很多，但结果就好像什么都没有的感觉。

there's so many things to take note of..so many things to think...so many decisions to make..结果会是怎样的。我突然觉得自己已经开始stagnant...没进步，没退步，就是一只在那里。请问那是正常的吗?

有好多事情要做，真的，多到明年都做不完。对了，东西永远做不完也是都市人的弊病。为什么我会和一般的都市人变得像他们一样了。感觉也一样，心情也一样。难道真的被大染缸染过而变得像他们一样吗？就算知道世界上的东西都是假的，怎么才能出污泥而不然呢？

开始什么都想要拥有，什么都想做，请问真正要的是什么？也许大家都知道，从心里面就能找到答案。

today's a busy day..i falling asleep soon..cut short..

cos jaja nt here..lotsa admin stuff gotta help him do..plus my own..doing double work..go sch early oso no use..end up no time to mark again..sigh..stil ok la...jus tt i used lotsa time to explain to the kids wad to do for some creative writing competition..

jus found out tt my 1st bf gt another gal..shd be his 10th or 11th? i wonder how can someone have so many gf in their life..and being with someone 6 yrs younger den him..20 yrs old..ys she's the cute type again la..and jus for entertainment..went to read the gal's blog..like tt lo..like history repeating itself again..know each other online..and got tgt quite fast..den saying the same stuff to each other..everything is perfect..blah blah..

actually i don hav any feeling bout it la..it's jus someone tt i did love before..but it's oso lucky tt i left him..too sleepy to noe wad i'm toking bout..nitez..

at 8am in the morning..when i was not sleeping well and stress over school stuff...sis was late for school..and couldn't find her hp...
she:你可以帮我找吗？
me:我很累，我睡不好。
she said louder...
she: 你可以帮我找吗！！！快点！我迟到了！
she's nt asking lo..she jus want me to get up and help her find..
my head was spinning..i jus touch here touch there din really find..so stupid..jus wan me to get up..den she found the phone herself..i was like grumbling abit..
me: 你改次不要不见东西咯
wah..aft she said this last sentence i was so fed up and irritated..so cut short..but it means..u don lost ur things..lost le don ask ppl help to look for it..

wah liew eh..and her table is in a mess somemore lo..mum nag her to tidy up..den she purposely say..你讲我就偏偏不要收..deliberately don tidy up jus bcos mum nag at her..den say mum biased la..this and that le..but the thing is can see de lo..she needs more nagging den i do..so aft comparing sure she kana nagged more..i nagged less..den she jealous..

mum oredi say...她是你姐姐，你是妹妹，一定吵不过她的，她那么霸道那么凶一定赢的...meaning i don need to win liao lo jus bcos i'm younger den her..

so irritating so irritating so irritating!!!

jus now aft she woke me up i tried to sleep back..but really no mood to slepp sia..and feel like crying liao..den i tell myself angry oso no use..try to calm down and get some sleep don waste time..i don wan to bcos of her let my mood turn bad..

and hor..nt tt i wana say her..go to swine flu countries for 20 days cos of temple stuff..suan le..but den jus bcos she go..she cannot choose maths that she like for cross over subject to degree cos the maths entry test falls during the 20 days overseas period..i feel it's so stupid lo..cos she's gg overseas..she left with no choice but to choose sth like geography which has no entry test or criteria..she's like psychoing herself tht geog is oso a good subject to take..it's a fate tt she don need to choose the subject she taking..u noe..ppl oredi bought tix oso make arrangements to come back and take the test..i really dono wad she's thinking..

and i dono if she told the principal of scgs that she's gg overseas for so long during holidays..and to swine flu countries somemore..need to be quarantine for additional 1 week..she don need attend their meetings and stuff liao lo..i dono how stupid can she think..her school life is still nt stable yet she go and do this do that..if principal says cannot go she oso cannot go..

she queen liao lo..everything she decide lo..but quickly she'll know死字怎么写

just thinking of destressing out..so write a blog entry..

hm..their exams finally over..while i was doing the result analysis of my class..i came to realise that my p1 result is better than my best class p2..and i wonder y..and some of my p2 buang..i oso dono y..u noe..teachers r somehow comparing with each other on how their class are doing..here and there..my p1 class seem to be the top..p2 class..probably..for me i din bother to go and calculate..it's so tedious..adding and subtracting the marks..all my retribution i receive from them..i haven mark a bit..and there's some cca stuff to settle..quite rush..which i dono how to do de..

some teachers are afraid the upper ppl will ask them to "lim kopi"..cos their class result is nt wad it's expected to be..i'm jus trying my best to do wad i can for the kids so tt they won regret having bad results..but i don wan to be called or be too shining..it's nt a good thing..found out lotsa stuff of individual teachers..lotsa stuff is left to be unspoken..everyone has their own view..own doings..and stuff like tat..

i dono..i jus wana find peace..and i try to be more friendly..thou i still dono wad to say to the teachers when i meet them..i must try to relax and nt to keep guarding..jus be my natural self..i believe they'll like me as who i am and not someone who's trying to act..if they say i'm kiddish den let it be..for me..i believe as long as results shows..i'm nt afraid of anything that i've done..thou there's always some hiccups here and there..just sometimes feel very lost that there's so much stuff to do..and dono how to do and wad to do first..how? everyone is so busy and i don even dare to ask for help...i must brace myself to ask..ask..ask! actually i jus don wan ppl to notice me..jus scared i'll be too shiny den throw me lotsa stuff..i like the present me..able to soend time with the kids..i noe i won be staying like this for long..so i must treasure and teach them more now..

it's tired..really tired..althou sometimes really can't face this kind of life..but stil gotta face it..

is it really tt impt to have more money..to lead a better life? really? if i were to choose another time..i'll still choose to be the simple me..not slaves of the $$..i like hard-earned money..so tt i''ll really treasure the things tt i've bought..or things tt i've enjoyed..i like this kind of feeling..at least i won have that kind of regret or guilty cos i slack and din try my best..in life..lotsa things are fake..isn't it..just find the true you..

at least i noe wad i'm doing..

it's another sunday..tomorrow is a holiday..actually today really don wana step out of the house..feel tired..to go out everyday..really wish to stay at home for just a day without going out..but long time go for guitar le..so..still step out..

long time din play guitar..hands seems nt so flexible..and gotta think longer..

actually thinking of going home stragihtaway...but since i'm in sity hall..might as well go popular at suntec where i wana go..clearance sale 20%..

while i was walking..i saw guardian..went in to find mask and sanitizer which sis need..was in there for a long time looking..dono wad to buy..or whether i bought the right one..cos no1 to discuss..i did call sis..and luckily she picked up..if nt really dono wad to buy..but end up i still stayed quite long inside cos couldn't find wad i want..den along the way..wherever there's watson or guardian i'll jus walk in..hoping to find wad i wan..

bought a very comfortable bata shoe at 30 bucks..30 bucks just gone like tat..but very difficult to find shoes tt suits me..

aft gg in to lotsa shops to look around..finally..i reach popular..i was oredi 1 bag full of stuff to take..shoes..clothes..my bag..sis stuff..it's difficult to shop with one bag of stuff with me..tooka big photo album which i like..and some stuff which i can use in school..i'm oredi full of stuff on my hand..finally..found a basket to contain everything inside..it was heavy..i tried to grab wadeva i can..and look for stuff tt i think will need..

i regret nt to ask jaja come..1stly..i noe he doesn't wana go popular..secondly..coming all the way down just to eat lunch..so i ask him don bother to thin kof coming down..cos he give me a feeling tt he don wana come jus to eat lunch with me..tt's wad he always think..always need meal + at least 1 activity + whether the place is accessible to come...tt makes me nt to tell him to come..thou i noe today i'll do lotsa shopping and will shop til quite long..he jus say a "har"..and when i din eat lunch he was unhappy..he thot i gave excuse nt to eat cos i carrying lotsa stuff..i called him actually jus wanted to tell him i carry until really heavy..cannot carry anymore le..it't nt bout whether i eat or not..cos i eat or not ppl don stare or laugh at me..but when i carry lotsa stuff until block ppl's away..cannot take properly...and was dragging the bags instead of carrying..until my lace belt drop oso no hands to tie it back..they keep staring at me and i dono y..until i look down and realise i was very unkempt..no hands to tie it back..no hands to take money take hp take ex link card..a hindrance to ppl..and i'm getting irritated myself too..jaja seems to feel irritated tt i bought so much stuff..ans say i purpisely called to make him feel guilty for not coming down..but how i expect i'll buy shoe buy bag buy so much stuff..feel like buying jus buy lo..and all he's angry bout is i did not eat..wad's the prob with not eating when i'm nt hungry at all..and i stupidly bought a donut and sit down to eat and got stared by others..again..

oh ya..there's 2 happy things that makes me feel happy..1..i bought the first CD in my life...101 drama moods..i was so happy..it's worth buying cos couldn't listen online de...secondly..i think my p1 average for mid yr is quite good..but the think is..all the retribution came back and i cannot mark finish..

on sat..i went to temple to perform as a pregnant woman in the operation theatre..everyone said i acted very well..and one of them ask my sis..how come mama din come to see when i acted so well..mama is always like tat..i think the only time she went to my performance is during sec sch choir when i was one of the solo on stage..but she din enjoy it cos the music is too loud and it scared her..dono when will she see my performance again..

today i ate 2 meals only..11 plus and 6 plus..but tt doesn't matter..ppl say i thin den thin lo..good lo..den mama won say i fat..jaja won comment on anything..but my colleague thot got ppl make me angry until thin thin..haha..

den went to a french cuisine opposite to have some ice cream dessert..it's cosy and nice..and boss is very friendly over there..maybe it's the culture..and he gave us some cedar to drink..taste like beer but sweeter..like apple soda..

we took some photos dere too..and had qutite a long time chatting and nuaing today..so glad that we can always meet up once in a while..if nt gotta face work all the time it's getting really crazy..

tadah!
okie....tmr another day out..yeah!