My life is in a total mess. I did not do my work well. My health is a big problem. End up a lot of things I cannot control and not within my control now. Everyday trying my best to do my best with my foggy brain and painful body. I really try my best. Yes, sometimes I will waste time to watch shows, but what more can I do to take a break. 

Sometimes I really feel like quitting and giving up. But I really don't want. I don't want to just run away, but I still cannot brace myself to face it and try to work things out. My body is rejecting what I am doing and feeling by getting very sick. Sometimes I am so down that I cannot hold myself up to go and exercise because I feel such despair and no good things will happen to me. I know this thinking is wrong but I just could not get out of it. 

I am in pain, physically and emotionally. I feel I am trying my best, but maybe I did not in reality and I should do more. What should I do? Getting married is just from one miserable family to another new miserable family. 

I count day by day, I work day by day, I plan day by day. I could not think too much further how long I can sustain as I knew it's going to be a long journey. I know only I cannot help myself say no one I can turn to for help and no one can help me. I just have to act and be strong. 

Picking yourself from where you fall down is not easy. But I am going to try. Yet my body is rejecting my idea by falling sick when facing it. I have to do more psycho to tell myself I can do it I can do it. 

因为女佣难过，结果被丈夫骂的感觉是什么？只能说自己的地位还比女佣低。

他说：“别人只是拿薪水做事情而已，为什么要弄到她那么难过。”

我不能吃辣，吃了会痛，难道有错吗？她煮得太辣，跟他说真的有错吗？在家里我不跟他说，我还可以跟谁说？难道要我出轨跟别的男人说他才开心？

至少佣人难过，根本不会恶语骂她，而是好好跟她讲，还有的拿薪水。我没拿薪水，还要被骂。我还不知道我毕生储蓄到哪里去了，因为不是自己在管账，结果好像都变成共同财产拿来花了。

他说“你是修道人，不应该整天在佣人背后告诉我她的坏话。”听听看是不是在道德绑架我？我难道就不能像别人家的老婆一样发发牢骚？他要我马上成仙？

家里的东西真的因为女佣收拾后，家婆来了，东西变更多了，找不到。以前我哪里会像现在这样没有安全感，这个家已经不再是自己的家。

到头来，真是一场空。

我现在只是在等，等待一个对的时机，勇敢踏出那一步。

家不是讲道理的地方，是讲爱的地方。

对，他的道理都对，在道理上他赢了，但他却输了，输了我对他的爱。如果不是因为爱，我早就走了，谁会傻傻的照顾老又照顾小。

还是他的大哥会疼老婆，要工作就工作，现在孩子大了，老公赚钱，根本不用老婆工作。常常跟朋友出国旅游。就算大嫂再有空大哥也不会忍心把自己的母亲接回家让自己的老婆受苦。

自己的妈妈也说自己是个笨蛋，前面3个哥哥哪儿轮到最小的孩子照顾父母。她是想要保护我，不要让我太累。

我不是没有求救过，只不过他把我的求救当成是埋怨，已经不是第一次说我是个怨妇了。最近我坐他的摩托车还经常嫌弃我重。

当我不再需要他的时候，也没有必要继续爱下去。等时机到了就放手，也放过自己吧。

当你努力想要维持这个家，结果被丈夫说成是怨妇

当生完孩子过后一生病，结果看医生被说成是浪费钱

当你努力去适应你不喜欢的生活，在家照顾生病的家婆，结果被自己母亲说自己是个傻子

当你想要选择自己要去的旅游地点，但永远都去不了

十年的婚姻，把自己变成是个自己最讨厌的怨妇，是个怎样的体会

当已经感觉不爱了，但还是要维持一段关系，坚持做自己不喜欢的事，不知道自己在做些什么