Recently, I have found out all my savings, instead of safely saving in the account, being used without my permission by him. I was shocked. The more I dig, the more things came out. He is not truthful anymore. 

I have been always asking myself, how come I am working so hard yet I cannot see any of my money. It was always very low, just a few hundred bucks. He will transfer 500 bucks whenever he feels like it. I still remembered there's once, I couldnt even afford to pay for my tcm because the amount was so low in my account. I do not have any other atm card to use. I was thinking how come I have so much money before I got married. I was happy because I have money with me. Now, I am left with less than a few hundred bucks in my bank. I keep thinking it is good that my money in joint account so that I will not anyhow spend. End up, he took all my 20 years work live savings and went all in for investment, went to his mother's cpf account, went into his business (he asked me before if can use my money). I was thinking then, why not, just to support him. But come to thin of it. Before our marriage, he earns far more than me. Why has he been using my money instead of his. I really do not know why. 

He hurt me so deep. I can just see things rehappening between my parents and between him and me. And he can tell me "at least I am not your father gamble the money away". Is there any difference? I am just like my mum, left with no money in the account, all being spent away by the other party. Always struggling and thinking how to save money. That's all. Is it because my mum is like that so I have to suffer the same fate like her and so I have to be treated the same way? 

I am generous to my friends when gifting things, but to myself, I seldom spend big money other than on medical use, already spent half of my salary every month. Because my bank always have so little money, I did not give any allowance to my mum at all. I don go back visit often, at least last time I still will give. But I really have no money in my account, how can I give?

Initially, he seem to trick me by saying this uob account need to put in salary to get more rebate, yet he did not transfer out the money to me. I am always waiting for his pathetic 500 bucks and I do not even know when it will come. It is really like an illusion that he is paying for all the credit card bills. 

What is more upset is he did not tell me the truth in the first place that he use my money and put in his mother's cpf. He keep telling me he is the sole beneficiary of his mother's cpf, when she dies, the mother pass to him and will go to me. Do you think I will still believe if I don't dig and dig and tell him the amount doesn't tally?

I really need someone to care for me. He is y closest person. I believe so much in him that he agreed to put in joint account.  But what did I get? He keep thinking that I will not break off with him due to my religion beliefs and we have a child. That is why he is abusing me?

Ever since 6 years ago, he has been venting anger and throwing things in the middle of the night. We have been crying many nights because of it. New things, he will step and destroy until it is broken. Recently, he smashed a tv because our girl watch tv instead of punishing her. And he force her to look at the smashed tv. This is mental abuse. He said he did not know it will spoil so easily. The way he treats the tv I already knew it will spoil. I do not believe in what he says anymore. 

But it is so difficult to leave the house because we have no where to go. He knows I will not go back to my parents side to let them worry. He let his mother shift in with maid and he need to take care of his mother and maid. I am left with no choice. 

Even before this crisis happen, I am planning to go overseas with my girlfriend. He also book vacation with my girl, bringing along together with his friend, his friend's kids, and even ex husband. And when air ticket and hotel is booked, he suddenly say how come I did not go. When he book, he plan a date when there's no clashes for both of our trip. I did not know why I did not go because he did not even ask in the first place. When he talks about the trip, I ask why go same place as me but different timing. He thought why I don like that place much. It's because we are going to the same place overseas, yet he did not ask me to go at all in the first place. He did not even think I should go in the first place. Literally means 他心里面没有我 at all. Yet he ask me such a painful question why I did not go. 

I am struggling, I am mentally really struggling. I don't want to be like my mother end up become serious depression. But I feel so painful......