My life is in a total mess. I did not do my work well. My health is a big problem. End up a lot of things I cannot control and not within my control now. Everyday trying my best to do my best with my foggy brain and painful body. I really try my best. Yes, sometimes I will waste time to watch shows, but what more can I do to take a break.
Sometimes I really feel like quitting and giving up. But I really don't want. I don't want to just run away, but I still cannot brace myself to face it and try to work things out. My body is rejecting what I am doing and feeling by getting very sick. Sometimes I am so down that I cannot hold myself up to go and exercise because I feel such despair and no good things will happen to me. I know this thinking is wrong but I just could not get out of it.
I am in pain, physically and emotionally. I feel I am trying my best, but maybe I did not in reality and I should do more. What should I do? Getting married is just from one miserable family to another new miserable family.
I count day by day, I work day by day, I plan day by day. I could not think too much further how long I can sustain as I knew it's going to be a long journey. I know only I cannot help myself say no one I can turn to for help and no one can help me. I just have to act and be strong.
Picking yourself from where you fall down is not easy. But I am going to try. Yet my body is rejecting my idea by falling sick when facing it. I have to do more psycho to tell myself I can do it I can do it.
