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janicesit @ blogspot.com ♥
Monday, May 28, 2012

"i scared I will anyhow take a chopper and chop people up.." know who said this? My mum.. Why can't she just stop worrying and thinking so much..

"don wan to see doctor..still got alot of medicine.." if don eat medicine on time also no use

I dono how I can help her..no matter it's last time or now..I felt stress..yet can't do much to help..in her eyes I'm the youngest and the most useless..so even I'm free and can acc her at home..no use..she'll still be scared..y can't she think more positive?

What am I thinking..y can't I just buy her an iPad to play at least she has sth to do at home..I don wan to end up be like my sis..promise..end up bought nth..

There's alot of things I can do and shd do..

Everything seem to guide me towards changing or quitting my job..at least I can have more time for mama? Am I able to do it? But it's so silly right..just finish studying..shd I make adjustments for it? Having 2 teachers at home is not a good thing..mama see sis so stress and keep flaring up also affect her mood..I really tried my best and not talk so loudly and fiercely to her..I don remember these days very angry or anything..

There're so many 未知数 for this following few years..every step and decision I take will be important and affect the outcome..I must think carefully..but the decision is so big that I couldn't take it..it feels so stress..cos I don even know or foresee what will be the outcome..i don even know what is the outcome that i want..what do I want to do? What do I want to do for others? So many things to adjust..once the decision is made..cannot restart..

I hope miracle will happen and I don need to choose..got 恐惧选选症..it's being so trained that I cannot choose what I want..when it's the time to decide..I dono how to decide..I hope when I have kids..I'll let them choose and let them take the consequence themselves..no matter right or wrong..train to make decision is also part of learning..

Maybe my everyday praying for her is nit sincere enough..I should not slack and shd do more for her..

Must really remember to take do the things I shd do..cannot forget..

I love bubble tea.
I love blue and white.
I love sports.
I'm a teacher and a volunteer too.
I sing till dawn,
I dance till dusk.
That's coz...
I want to live without regret.
And lead a meaningful life.
To prove to myself that
I have lived before

WISHLIST ♥