Mama sick until very jialat..she has been very xin ku..miserable since Friday nite..and coughing..and weeping...cough until her nose bleed..she cannot take it..and she cries and cries..she did not sleep a wink cos she coughs through the nite..friday went to see doctor not well..sun morning went back bcos she couldn't just buy medicine like that..

i couldn't understand her misery....doctor say she has 气管炎...it's different from her last time cough..now is infecting the pipe..if her fever is still not down..she'll have to go to the hospital tmr..sis will take urgent paid leave..

i couldn't experience her misery...i had the same illness as her..cough until very jialat..in pain..cough through the nite..but i can't understand why she's so serious until she cry...while i always try to hide it up and not to let er or others in the family noe how serious i am..i will just eat medicine and medicine and no matter how miserable i'll just weep by myself..she..will cry until the whole neighbourhood knows that she's crying..i couldn't blame her..cos she has a weak heart and weak mind and she really couldn't take it..

when there's someone who has long term illness..yelling and whining..everyone in the family won be happy..and maybe..sometimes..irritated..i tried to care..but she just want to stay away from me so that i won get infected..

i still remember the last time during secondary school..she sick until she weeped..i kneel in front of the god and prayed that she could transfer half of her illness to me..yes..i did succeed..but why nt this time..i guess i need to pray harder for it..

but the thing is...我自身难保..can't afford to get sick either..so many stuff for me to do..maybe the dilemna in me that's y..which responsibility shd i let go..i guess for this crucial month i'm really nt prepare to suffer for the sake of my mum...or can i just owe it first and pay back later..haha..it's nt as simple as that..

it's a very silly thought..rite..

these few days have been thinking alot about the past..the sad past..of mum..the family..and me..recalled alot of things..i knew i shouldn't be thinking about it..but under this situation..i couldn' stop thinking..it just affects everyone's mood..

i pray very very hard for her to get well..pray she can settle her mind and let go of all her pessimistic thoughts and be neutral for it to recover..i pray she can mind over body like me to win the battle..and i really really pray......the person dealing with the battle.....will be me ....