Friday, May 28, 2010
Friday is "Eat with your family day"..finish school at 5pm...but the thing is I choose to eat with myself instead of my family..
Went to TCC alone and ate 20 bucks stuff just by myself..ha..actually it's quite cosy sitting there alone to read my storybooks..order my favourite drink...wedges..soup..and just sit there nua-ing..
i remembered when i was in secondary school..i'll just do the same time after school...went to toa payoh mac and sit at the second floor..eat my fries dip in ice cream cone..and just sit there to nua in the afternoon.. sitting beside the glass window...looking out at the ppl walking past..feel so good..
sometimes it's good to be alone after a busy day..just to have some time for yourself...and not just hee hee haa haa everyday with everyone..
这就是我...能够自己让自己幸福的我...
Monday, May 24, 2010
finally...I"VE FINISHED MY EXAMS!!!
and next..is my piles of books..
as i'm trying to relax after exam..i "cyberstalk" the others from facebook...
just see how the others are getting on with their life..some were doing very well..while many others are striving hard in their lifes with work and exams...
my dream lover: engaged to his love one, happily ever after
1st bf: after the death of his last gf, remain single for a year...and recently popped out another gf..shd be his 10++th..
2nd bf: found attached and broke long time ago..
other crushes: some single, some attached
i keep feeling that i still lived in the past..and don wan to let go..don want to forgive myself of those things that i've done wrong..what others did to me..and forget about it..yes..time will heal..but things that have happened before..how will I forget..i'm still trying hard to accept myself for who I am..accept my past..accept my present..be my true self and live on..
everyone is moving on..what am I doing? am I moving on too? or still at the same old spot without change? should i change anything to make myself comfortable? am i comfortable with the way I am now? can i just go for what i want? or heed advices before I take my step...? the "no no no" that my family gave me in the past...i still could not walk out of it..they don like doesn't mean i cannot do it..am i just too obedient until i dono how to break through? do i have any feelings for myself to take care of myself and take care of the things that i wanted? if i can live to be "Janice Sit Mei Hwa"..I would be a much more happy person than the lock that was given by my family long ago..given me the keys to unlock the lock..but so used to it until i dono how to unlock myself..or rather..after unlocking wad am i going to do..
live if full of question marks..
it's time to let go of some stuff..no point not letting go..because you can't go back to the same as the past..no one will ever be the same as yesterday..
i sincerely wish you all the best and happily ever after..
Sunday, May 23, 2010
it will be my last paper for tomorrow..i really don feel like studying for it..firstly..wad the lecturer says she doesn't follow the notes..den oso not sure wad the teacher is talking about..den i got quite low marks for the assignment..dono is teacher problem or the module problem..last time i also took the module she's teaching..and oso scored not high marks for it..i'm a little scared..but i dono how to prepare..english to chinese translation..
today had a fun time filming "dettol" advertisement..actually the focus is on care for each other..between parents and child..just that we use an advertisement to show it out..and the focus is on the hand..
it's so funny when i first became the " pregnant mother"..me and one of the guy touching on the big belly of mine...we took this one shot of us touching the belly for the whole morning..den..chcnged into another role of being the "match-maker" during tea ceremony...and being the passer by at the end..haha..it's so funny when we watch it..but there're still lotsa stuff to do..one more interview and a musical to do..this is the project we're going to do..ha..there's many many things to get busy with these june holiday..
and i haven been to school for a long time..dono wad's going on and how much things i've owed other ppl..i can imagine i'll get haunted once i step into the school...
ever since i started studying..now i rather choose to mark tons of books den studying for exam..it's so so difficult and time consuming..compared to marking where work is done..studying can just go on and on without ending..
it's going to be over soon..jiayou!
ppl aim for 40/100 marks to pass..i aim for GPA 3.5 to study for honours...should i just lower my standard and forgo my thought of honours? but i really wish to take it if possible..i wanted to learn more..but to balance out everything..i can spend less time to revise if it just a minimal pass..it'll balance out all my time for everything..
see how it goes..although i can feel that luck is on my side..i cross my fingers and give it my best shot!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
it's so scary when u open you email and found many many emails coming to you and all of them n need to mark them as "priority" "starred" "important" "urgent"...
i dono when must parents need to book their child for an appointment to go our or do things..
just like my sis..i don wad shd's doing..she's just busily playing a facebook and sleeping on the sofa every day..and she din have the time to do some stuff for mum..and it's so angry to hear that.."who ask you not to book me" when mum oredi said a few days ago she needed help from her...
well..at least she makes an effort to eat lunch with us..i noe she needed the time for herself..but shouldn't waste time like this when she noe she doesn't have enuff time..
one last paper..i have no mood to study for it..left 12 hours to study..lol..
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
这几天...与家长见面......加上现在是我考试的紧要关头......实在很忙......我所有的批改已经停止...需要批改的练习桌上已经两座山...家里还有一大包...
这两天的家长会...与家长交谈...让我更了解自己...
妈妈常说，当老师就要有当老师的样子，我太小孩子气了。于是我总是不能接受自己现在这个样子，一直觉得很别扭。我一直想和像我这个年纪一样...24岁就要有24岁的模样，不应该是现在那么矮小，那么孩子气，看起来不够严肃，不够认真。可是就是因为妈妈一直说的话，让我一直接受不了我现在这个孩子气的我，所以做什么都不顺心。在见家长之前，妈妈还嘱咐我，和家长谈话时要凶一点，严肃一点，这让我更加紧张。那根本不是我，如果我还要去扮演一个不认识的我，那不是会更紧张吗。可是这几天，我都没这么做，因为我根本没有时间准备需要和家长说什么，或伪装自己。我就这样上场了。
就这样，一直讲...一直讲...好多老师都说到不够气，头晕，声音沙哑...一个接一个，连喝口水的时间都没有。
其实我不知道，也不记得自己说了些什么。有些话从我嘴巴里说出来我也觉得很惊讶。怎么会说得那么好呢?我不是说自己夸自己，但是我所用的词语，表达，各方面。我平时都不会表达，不会说的，就这样说出来了。我也不知道，就觉得很自然。
虽然他们一直说不够时间，不可以和家长聊太久，我也不管。就一直和他们聊，有些还聊得蛮开心的。就闲聊，这样我才能把孩子们在班上的情形很确实地说出来。也不知道为什么，我觉得感同身受。虽然那不是我的孩子，可是聊起孩子的品行时，似乎和他们产生了共鸣。有些时候我差一点要哭出来，因为碰到了一位很尽责的妈妈，但孩子却态度不认真，觉得她真的很伟大。
父母也有自己的困难需要去克服面对，有些也不知道要怎么教。很多家长问我：怎么办？
结果，家长会完了之后，我回去班上问他们：怎么办。看着父母们一个个担心的脸，我这是真的很想好好骂醒他们，可是说了很多次，都没有用，结果只有我自己一个人感动，同学们只是坐在那里听。听了，就过了。
认真的孩子不管怎样弱，还是会有进步。如果自己心态不正确，怎么学也是假的。我一直和他们说道理，无非是想让他们调整自己的心态，让他们从中领悟。可是他们年纪太小了，讲了又忘了，不过我相信对某些学生还是会有用的。虽然我一直吓他们说他们靠得很差，但这次他们的平均分数我还是感到非常满意的。
做回自己才是最重要的，一切都会很顺利^_^
Monday, May 10, 2010
我是含着泪水......走进学校......被批评指责......就因为......我身负重任......
i very pek chek today..pek chek until i wana bang on the wall le..
everything is giving me so much headache..i really wish i could go out for a jog now...although it's the end of the day and should be tired..i'm full of anger and frustration..i need to give out all my eneergy to cool down..but i coulsn't..cos i gotta go home immediately to eat my dinner if not phone calls from home will keep coming me to rush home for dinner..if nt dono for wad reason will quarrel again just becos i reach home late for dinner..
once i reach home..heard mum daying dad asking her to die for no reason as dad couldn't explain anything at all why he scolded mum..
in school..i dono why kana malign for leaking out exam question when the question is a mock paper question..den hod see me...reporting officer see me..den i gotta explain for the whole thing before i go out for lunch and after i come back..oredi spend alot of time on it lo..i dono why they so scared about it..me? leak question? for wad? for the sake of my own students? siao ah..if i'm such a teacher i would have climb until dono where oredi rather than keep on thinking to become a part time teacher..before that i don feel anything de..until so many ppl come to see me about this thing and i feel the stress pressing on me and wanting to have an explanation from me..the only thing that i can say is the setter used my mock paper to do exam..so maybe din change one of the question..and i oso forgot wad is the exam paper and mock paper..and the other vetter told her previous school was not so strict..
after the explanation..i'm so glad that the teachers understand wad i'm toking about..although i noe i din express myself enuff about this thing cos i don find anything wrong about it and i dono wad kind of answer they want..
but the glad thing is my autistic kid need another 0.07% to pass his paper when he din write any number on the listening compre paper..
saying nothing doesn't mean that u won kana anything..or rather..u might be maligned for sth tt is not true..
Monday, May 03, 2010
it's been a week since i on my home computer..so i din log in to my facebook or whatsoever for the whole week too..just check my school one occassionally..
these few days holiday..so I have more time to do my stuff..actually these few days I spent most of the time with my family..went out to eat..shop...and play arcade..my parents play basketball..
but very fed up man..sis is always complaining about this and that..she herself is also no good lo..and she dare to complain..keep saying she cannot finish marking..ask dad to help her mark..wah liew..dad is so old oredi..he can mark on the chair until fell asleep lo..how can she do that..and she keeps sleeping..talk on phone..use computer..she not in good mood anyhow shoot..shoot at me..shoot at everybody..i not shuang..so i shoot back too la..den parents sided me..cos she's really in the wrong..
exam is coming..i haven study abit..
the teacher's worked hard..the students have always been working very hard..the teachers complain alot of work to mark..the students too complain that they have lots of work to do...they complaint the teacher did not mark their work..but one teacher gotta mark 40 students' work..if there's work everyday..how can the teachers finish marking...
if don like it..just heck..but can "heck" really solve the problem? haha..everyone will be hecking if it does solve..
