what is a definition of a good teacher? does a good teacher mean...a teacher with no cock ups? if it is..den i'm not a good teacher..recently..made alot of cock ups..jus becos i'm slow..actually i've got thousand and one things to remember..and i really tried to jot everything down..but i still missed out some stuff..esp those which will cause a major cock up..whether in teaching..or admin stuff..i just..

this morning dono y..i jus feel my head's spinning..i dono cos of the stress or cos i'm still weak..suddenly jus couldn't think rite..and the class was so noisy these days.and i dono y...and i dono wad i'm thinking and jus let them do the whole chapter of workbook as homework..when they haven even finish studying that chapter yet..i felt so bad over it..but everything is just so last minute..i gotta consider in their shoe..either to give them homework..or to let them relax for a day..and end up jus bcos i'm stress..i went to stress them as well by making the decision to give them homework that they dono how to do..this is the first time..and i felt so bad over it..

p1 spelling result..and p2 spelling..all dropped..is it really bcos that 2 days i din come tt's y everything dropped? i really wish i hadn't take that 2 days..end up i still couldn't adjust back..one day is oredi bad enuff for me..and 2 days somemore..i dono wad i should teach..wad i should mark..i just feel so lost..just like a machine broke down..2 days somemore..delayed for 2 days..i dono need how long to catch them back..cos i really don have the energy to do it anymore..

i don just wana be a teacher..i just wana be myself..i began to understand myself..and i like myself for being able to understand myself..not internally..at least now i noe that morning is the best time for me to mark things cos i'm alert..and i'm very suitable to go for nite classes cos i feel awake as well..i like the me in the afternoon running around cos it keeps me awake at my most tired timing..however i still need to learn how to be organised cos i'm really a very agar agar person and things are lying around everywhere..i'm not a systematic person..i really dono how to organise myself systematically..i tot things can just stay like tat..while others just look in queer..how can it be like that..i don mind giving ppl impression that i' messy..kiddish..unprofessional..as long as i know wat i'm doing..the most impt thing is..as long as my kids trust me..i really don mind how others look at me..

jaja keep on stressing that i did this wrong..i did that wrong..cham ah..wait later kana complain..must do this..must do that..cannot like tat..wad's wrong with me if i do or don do..but the way he say actually makes me feel very sad as it sort of exxagerate my cock up..when i was thinking that..nvm..time will make ppl forget the cock up..jus don repeat again..i keep telling myself that..tt's y i don ever feel bad about it until he says.. he's a guy..he has his own way of thinking..he shdn't always put his idea or his style of thinking and doing onto me even thou it's efficient..cos i noe he's sure gotta miss out sth that i didn't..being by his side so some time..seeing him miss out so much stuff..i bet he'll ask me wad he missed out..he just doesn't feel wad i feel..tt's all..some things to him isn't important..even if it's important..it just seem like a routine to be important..not "feel that it's important"..ok..talking chim again..shd stop it now..

i really really need to pick up myself..i did try to follow my resolution hor..and i'm happy about it..battle time!