i dono wad's wrong with me to be depressed easily..it just goes in a cycle..u can't cope with ur life now..gets sick all the time..tired..tt's y can't do ur work..can't do properly somemore..and cannot accomplished..tt's y low morale..ur things gets messy cos din pack..and recently i tend to lost my students' books..i can't find it..sad..i scolded them very harshly..thou it's a good class..cos they hand in rubbish to me..

back to the home..everyday quarrel again..in the middle of the night..always saying divorce all the time...jus bcos they don have the money and ability to divorce..if nt they'd have done that long time ago..and seems like man really could nt be trusted..either turn out to be a womaniser..or a gambler..or a 窝囊废..which do u prefer..

i can say that i lost faith in marriage..cos either the guy doesn't noe how to think of the other..or i oredi have that kind of phobia..long long time ago since i was 18..i oredi tell myself nt to get attached..no relationship..cos no matter who the guy was..i noe i will get hurt..and wad am i doing now..jus make a mess out of everything..this one messy..tt one messy..i don get sense of security..cos probably i don feel a sense of security for my own future..probably i jus feel it's so tired facing this world alone..

it's nt that i dono life is full of sufferings..it's jus tt sometimes really can't jump out of the circle..cos u're living in this world..everything is connected..u really need lotsa determination to jump out of it..and need to think of others too..wad's their impact without me around..

u noe..sometimes it's so scary when a person is depressed..cos even when u're standing beside the road u'll start to think wild..and feel that life is full of suffering and misery and just wanted to end it..just walk across the road..and u don need to think of everything..it seems like u'll clearly noe wad u want..and it's death..and at the moment u'll just do it w/o any second thoughts..sometimes i just feel so lucky that i din do anything silly at the point when i'm really feel depressed..

is it becos i can't think properly that's y i dono wad i want..or i'm not firm with it..or i'm jus not mature enuff to think..if i jus do wad i shd do and not wad i like..will i be really happy?i'm not happy with this kind of life at all..no matter how sad i still need to smile to the guard..smile to everyone..even if tired...

my back is always aching..and no matter how long i sleep..i can't sleep well..and remain tired..no matter how much medicine i gulp...i'm stil sick..wad's the purpose of eating medicine and throw away so much money..mum was like asking me if i can manage to save money or not..if i say i din say den she won want my money is it..if i don give she where got money buy things..there's so many things..

wake up ba..there's no perfect person or perfect solution in this world..