u noe..i suddenly feel that i'm more towards perfect in cyber world than in reality..dono y feel like meeting with lotsa obstacles..

found out lotsa mistakes of the paper that i set..and the hod sounds so serious as there are lotsa mistakes..until she called..and wanted to see me this and that..althou i'm a beginning teacher..ya..but i always don allow to let myself make any mistakes..i definitely hope so..but the more i worry..the more i can't do well..

also..there's lotsa paper stuff..mid yr review..this and that that i'm not good at..even the application form to go uni i can fill for 3 hours..i'm really not good in paperwork..really..i really tried my very best le..and maybe oso cos due to stress..family..further study stuff tt's worrying me..and no time to cool down..tt i start to can't do things well..can't concentrate..everything and everyone wants me to be fast..fast and fast..i oredi do very fast le..and this morning..suddenly got so many ppl looking for me bout the mistakes i make..ask me to change this..change that..and the blur me always can't really remember 100% of wad they say..and ppl only say things once..they won have the time to repeat another time..

setting the paper alone just makes me feel more alone..

went to sing with temple ppl..yes..went quite high..but..the editing of the papers is always on my mind since the call from hod..and i keep worrying until i'm not fully 100% enjoying myself..and i began to mark my things inside the ktv room..wierd..and sometimes i sang and mark at the same time when i'm singing some familiar songs that i noe..i'm stress..

but now..after drinking tea..tink i'm quite hyper now..which makes me worry more..thou jaja says it's ok..it's alrite..still beginning teacher it's very normal to make mistakes..but i can't accept the fact that me...i can't give a perfect work..as i always do..everytime cannot accept tt i'm imperfect..and i start to blame myself..low confidence..and everything comes in..and i start to feel afraid tt students will complain bout me tt i teach wrongly..i owe them compos tt they've written for weeks..

my expectation of myself is high..but i gave other ppl a low expectation of myself..meaning..high expectation but low output..wad to do..i'm blur..

i noe it's no use stressing and worrying cos things will be over and done with as the time goes by..but i jus can't help it..i need to keep myself very occupied so that i don wana worry bout it anymore..i am always struggling..and numbing myself so that i won feel so stress..hoping to ease the worry inside me..

i'm worried..i'm still worried..but wad to do..this worry will jus stay with me as long as things doesn't get settled..

worried..stress..sad..wad have i not taste before..another someone who's going to reach the bottom again..i noe..i must stand up and battle again no matter how tired i am..how messy my feelings were..i jus gotta face it..no matter alone or not..