been sick for a few days..after shedding a little..start to get feverish when i go back home..mum din sleep well these days..as dad and sis went kl..with only me around..she stil don feel safe at home..i really hope that she'll not act up..useless me..can't give her sense of security even if i stay at home totally for a week..shd hav agreed to go out with her when she suggest to go for a walk at bugis..but end up she changed her mind..and ask me to go out with bf..i tink she knew tt cos they went overseas..tt's y i stayed at home to pei her..and she knew that i eat home food until sianz..tt's y ask me to go out with bf to eat..mum is jus mum..even if i don say..she knows wad i want..tt's y i slways trust her alot..thou she din study much..not much knowledge..but i know she knows me inside out..

school's starting soon..i hope to jus fight it out for the whole year..give it my best shot again..althou there's stil lotsa question marks here and there..i shd learn to face things bravely..no matter wad..i shd learn to grow up..to be stronger le..and not to fall sick so easily..learn how to take care of myself..so tt mum don worry so much..i tink i really let her worry alot..jus a small fever and she'll wake up once in a while in the middle of the nite to check on me..hope her rheumatism isn't so bad as the weather gets cold..i shdn't jus sit in front of the computer all the to watch tv..i shd have jus went into her room..and she'll auto talk to me..maybe she won feel so alone..so lost..so scared..i knew it..yet i've done nth..

everything in this world might be fake..but the bond..relationship..which is permanent..it doesn't change..tt's y it's true..everything has it's own destiny..it's jus that whether our feelings are affected by it or not..

jus wonder..i guess many boyfriends will look at those pretty girls on the streets which is consider fake to me..if ur girlfriend is jus beside u..if u are the girlfriend..how would u feel..angry? jealous?me?..i'll choose to laugh at my boyfriend for being such a typical man who's easily being controlled by woman..笑他们的浮浅，他们的愚昧...hahaha..cos i feel so stupid when i am sad or angry..cos i bet man will jus sontinue looking and looking..wad's the use of being angry..i always tell myself..even if u feel sad..jealous..angry..i think it's better not let ur boyfriend noe..cos maybe they'll jus take u for granted..me?haha..i'll jus put up a brave front..and laugh..they should feel ashame of themselves...for not being able to control..look at girls in front of their own girlfriends..it's 犯了大大的忌..haha..ya..free show..it's free..watch lo..watch somemore lo..it jus shows they're so..******..haha..might as well jus embarass them suan le..if u're jus angry..wad do u get..u get nth..might as well jus get back at ur boyfriend ya...well..i'm a scorpio..

and some girls..when they're in relationship..they got prettier..cos they'll make an effort to doll up for their boyfriend..so that their boyfriends will look at them more when they go out together instead of other girl? ha..i feel that woman shd doll up for themselves..nt solely jus bcos of their boyfriends..for me ah..i'll do tt when i'm nt in good mood la..jus to make myself feel better about myself la..but..i think i din really have any powder on my face for quite long..since the very last of friend's 21st formal bdae?

hahaha..jus laugh...hahaha..feelings stress? jus laugh! hahaha..feeling sad? jus laugh! hahaha...it'll jus chase that feeling away..being a lunatic is more happier than a 清醒person i guess..i'm crazy ya..受了很大的刺激？太过悲观？看破红尘？？？

since everything is fake..shdn't bother so much..ppl are always like tat..they'll take u for granted as the time goes by..no matter friends or families..might as well use the time and effort to meditate and calm myself or chant some prayers for those in need..rather than care so much about so much stuff..tt's how i feel..and i shd do tt..

there are so many problem and stuff happening in this world..how much can u care..my answer will be..as long as it's within my limit ba..when can i have the chance to go to poorer countries to help out..i'm jus waiting for that opportunity and the right time..being with those poorer ones jus makes u feel more blessed and look at things in another perspective or view..i guess it's too far stretch..now i jus help my little kids ba..dono which naughty ones..cute ones..blur ones..will be with me..and i really hope my blurness doesn't spread to them..ppl say kids are jus like the teacher..the class atmosphere will show a teacher's character..must have a clear mind when i teach..i feel i always make them blur blur de..

i hope it'll be a fruitful year next year..i don wana waste another year doing useless stuff..i hope to do sth more meaningful..wad thing..still thinking..right shoulder very pain now..can't think of anything..can't even turn my head.. and yeah..i open another account..finally made some decent decision for myself..

thou i'm not a language person..i'm learning jap..and teaching chi..and planning to take up the translation course at sim..cos i always believe hard work always pay off at the end..my aim is jus a pass..simple yet seem difficult..

i'm not pretty..i'm not beautiful..i'll always remember that..