hmm..i suddenly feel that when u oredi have a perception..it's very difficult to accept another perception..as i step into this big city life..i realise..there are lotsa things that is not so simple..for some things there's not really right or wrong..jus gotta see whether u can accept it..or not..

actually i really really mind how ppl see me..alot alot..always trying not to make ppl have the "dislike me" feeling..den it'll be my fault to "agitate" their feelings towards me..jus wanted to live in peace ba..jus don wana trouble any1..i don really like to talk behind ppl's back..tt's y when others say i jus listen more..in this world..it's really difficult not to make any wrong decisions..even thou i have thot of the consequence..i really did..but..life is really bout choices..how ppl think..really can't control..but wad i can do is try not to think of anything..everytime i get upset more bout how ppl look at me..

sometimes it's tiring..to be under this kind of "ugly light"..to really strive out wad i really wanted..plus lots and lots of obstacles..i chose a hard way to go..and everytime i find myself..only myself supporting myself..wad other things can i do but gotta move on..i really did try to make an effort to understand everyone ard me..i really treasure everyone..but i dono y..the more i'm doing that..the more disappointing i find myself to be..bcos in this world..it's not a reciprocal thing to treat each other good..

wad's the feeling of being misunderstood or doesn't get understanding frm others..everytime i write blog..i seem to be pessimistic..not like the real life me..cos the real life me doesn't noe how to express myself..actually i feel that most of the ppl has an inner and outer self..jus that they don potray to ppl and have different faces towards different ppl..there sure is..

under this kind of family..this kind of envt..end up the result will oso be the same kind..these days parent keep quarreling..eyelid keep twitching..i jus feel very irritated..in some way..money is impt to me..i mean..my family..for myself..i don need anything..$300 bucks per month is enuff for me..really..i can jus live a simple life like a nun..and even considered doing so..to give up everything..i really did..but the burden of family..i jus couldn't let go..ppl are jus bogged down by a ‘情’字..me too ba..everything jus seems ok..and bcos of a lousy starting..if i say i don have negative thots bout r/l..tt's not true..actually everytime..i've always prepare for the worst..tt's y always pick myself up faster than other ppl..i guess tt's a trademark of a scorpio too..

sometimes i really really noe i'm in the wrong..but the thing is i really gotta move on..the "stop and look back" me in the past is really no good..tt's y i decided to change..if not i'll forever live in guilt and regret..who doesn't have...who can really judge whether a decision made is right or wrong..if a person don accept ur thinking and idea does tt mean they can't be frenz anymore..

working and study life is really different..mindest really gotta change..and after listening to so many stories..soome sad..some happy..how to ppl judge whether a story is really a sad or happy one..it's all up to a person's mind..

actually sometimes jus a change of thinking it'll jus make a person live happier..i guess maybe i feel that there isn't much time left..jus wanted to do..sth which i really enjoy ba..i wonder wad if last time end up i really commited suicide wad will be the ending now..tink i'll jus drop this topic..i jus noe that..this is my bonus time tt i'm still alive..no matter wad..jus wanted to live my life to the fullest..

i dono y my colleagues sitting beside me always complain.."y u always do so much stuff for them..it's oredi after exam le...can u jus relax.." jus want them to enjoy lesson more..sch life more..rather than watching movie for the whole day ma..

a person who steals to help the poor..is the person good or bad...i've been thinking these questions for quite some time..actually last time..i will sure say..he's definitely a bad guy..tt's wad a kid's answer too..cos they doesn't understand..steal means steal..no matter help others or not.. still bad..but after some time..perception tend to be different..and if it's me..will i do that..doing sth bad for the sake of others..if i'm a loner..i'll probably do that too..no burden..nth..being caught..no regrets..but the thing is...it's reality..how can minority thinking win majority thinking..and yet..aft some time..minority thinking start to be majority thinking..and aft tt..majority back to minority thinking..it's jus goes on and on..

after spending so much time blogging..think all i wrote was rubbish..who will really go and think bout all these when so many other stuffs are in front of their faces..crazy..actually blogging could be a harm by exposing oneself to others..more misunderstandings and stuff ba..how..lotsa stuff oso dono how..am i blur or am i alert?

some ppl can jus get tgt for half a yr and get married..happily ever after..while some dated..or married for years..end up stil separate..while some..thou tgt..but there's no more feeling towards each other..some..oredi engaged..but divorced within a yr..all happening around me..diff ppl have diff experience..and have different outcomes..wad bout mine? i can't gurantee now..can't gurantee in the future..so jus treasure now..cos some things jus gotta happen to urself before u realise sth..and tt's y lead to different outcomes..

when u accept ppl for who they are will ppl accept u back? there's always some lay back type..can't be bothered type..who can see who more clearly..and even if u thot the person is showing true self..it might jus turn out to be a fake one..do u really noe the closest person well? you parents? friends? or will u believe a stranger words more cos they have no reason to harm u..what do u believe? this? or that? past? or future?

lyrics..it seems so beautiful..but they are jus made up of stories..of life..some true..and some are not..while some are half half..but it still seem as it is..no matter it gives a happy..or sad mood..as long it serves the purpose..who cares about anything behind it..as long as it's beautiful can le..who don like to see beautiful things..sometimes the more clear it is..the more ugly..y not jus take off ur specs..having a blur vision might see more beautiful things..too detailed u'll jus see all the flaws..and tend to focus on that dot..ha..i'm not toking bout kids la...this oso applies to other stuff in life.. tt's y..sometimes feels good to be in specs..can take it off if u don wana see anything..

these days tend to think more cos more time..din sleep well actually..thou there's nth for me to do..i still sleep 5 hrs..not sleepy at all..jus tired..couldn't sleep..i oso dono y..from the all dono..tend to noe le..noe wad i really wan..some things cannot be explained..jus like tat..sometimes tink shd i jus control and restrict myself..or jus let myself go..do i really pass my rebellious stage..is my thinking too naive or too mature..i'm oredi 21..i shd noe wad i wan and shd affirm myself le..tt's y decision making is always hard..but i noe dere are 3 things that i wan..my kids definitely 1st..

actually u'll agar agar now how a person thinks of feels from their age..experience..if u're not tt person..u'll nvr understand how they feel..today..chatted with a teacher..and a parent..the parent has breast cancer..thou she's on medication..she's quite pessimistic..and all i could do is to make the conversation happier..really pei fu...and a teacher..toking bout a kid i teach..

hug hug..don worry..everything will be fine..really wish to do that..noe everyone is really trying hard to do wad they shd do..no matter who..as it's end of the year soon..exams..lotsa stuff to settle before end of yr..jiayou