been going out early and coming back late these days..busy with lotsa stuff..school stuff..temple camp stuff..planning a camp isn't easy..and if the response is negative..it jus disheartens u..we dybers youth grp feel it le..thou dere's only 20 to 30 ppl coming..wad they say is true..as long as there's even jus 1..(there is before at some other places)..as long as u make a difference in their lives.tt's the most impt thing..less ppl doesn't mean tt quality shd be different..

some believed that the youngest have problems...nowadays the youngsters has lotsa prob..it's been said to be the 因果..cos moral education is not being stressed over the years..tt's y they're like that..stealing smoking drugging everything..not like in the past..if they bring any "bad stuff" to school they'll be dead..and now..even the p2 is talking bout sex stuff..the teacher was so gross bout it..

as long as we do things 实实在在..u'll be confident..cos u've nothing to hide..nothing to fear..ya..actually that's true..ppl ard me keep on questioning me..y u do so much for ur kids..don need put so much effort in it..if u put in 10hrs to prepare a lesson..compare to putting 1 hr preparing a lesson..the 10hrs lesson is definitely better..cos u really use ur heart and effort to do and to prepare and to teach..the 磁场will be different..the kids can feel it..i shdn't keep doubting myself for doing wad i wana do..cos their results show me that wad i'm doing is correct..thou first time out of nie teaching..only half a yr..their results really show lo..my p1 improve more than my p2 cos i put in more effort on my p1 and p2..i use more effort..try to set worksheet that suits them..i'm not saying i din do for p2 la..jus tat i put in more effort in p1..how much effort u put in..u'll get back wad u put in..maybe some things cannot be controlled..maybe i'm fated to take a longer path to succeed..maybe i'm jus destined to be a teacher tt's y they don even let me choose..tt's y my results are forever like tat..i noe..if i can do much better the route i take will be different le..

i keep feeling that i don shine so much as last time..not so confident as last time..becoming dull..i noe y..cos some things i keep feeling 心虚..guilty..tt's y don feel well either..mood will be different..things will be different..been trying hard to pull myself up..so that i can improve to be a better person..better teacher..live for the students..but i din go all the way out..cos dere's lotsa commitment..lotsa other stuff..which makes me can't concentrate and put in all the effort..

these days..youngsters only interested in computers..anything less fun than that they won be interested..cos there are so many choices..not like last time..easily contented..was do they want..computer is not a living thing...yet..we couldn't live without it anymore..will there be one day where ppl are more sad over computer crash den over the death of someone who is close to them..wad exactly is more impt to u..thou maybe ppl will say..won la..computer crash only wad..can fix de ma..wait until ur computer really crash..u'll be so irritated that u couldn't have a correct mindset anymore..

nowadays..even young couples like to take psp out..one each..and play tgt..no communication..yes..they have common interest..but how do their relationship grow by jus looking at the screen and no communication at all?

i still remember a very 讽刺poem clearly in my literature textbook..that there's a married couple..who sit in front of the tv for the whole day..and for many years..end up there's one day where their tv crashed..den end up it's like they first time realise they are sitting beside each other...there is "someone" beside..they seem not to noe each other at all..and jus when they are about to chat..the tv is back again..and they continue to watch again..it's so sad..

wad does the children really need now..i noe i shdn't doubt myself to reach out to them..but if i'm the only one doing it..u'll be the minority 边缘人doing it..and 别人又会用一种奇异的眼光看着你..which is sth i really really don like..i really feel it's not sth big..there's nth big about it..i thot these are wad teacher shd be doing..rather than all the misc stuff..shdn't we focus on how to really practically improve the kids and school? tt's our aim right..but how come..compare last time till now..the kids seem much much more naughtier than last timeis it bcos we focus too much on external stuff than on the students? i think i guess so..dono y cme period seem so short..i say a few words den times up..

today..lotsa ppl ask me..how come sis din wait for me and go home together..it's quite a norm for me for us to go home seperately le..but they are like quite surprised sis din wait for me..esp it's quite late..but for me..i'm oredi used to it le..cos sis oredi instill the idea that..she is she..me is me..i always have a feeling that she don wan ppl to noe tt she has a sister in temple..thou she din "disacknowledge" me or sth la..it's jus the kid of feeling she giv me..very individualistic ba..i ask her a few more question den she don like liao..jus ask her if she's coming home for dinner ma..help mama ask de ma..den she don like and don giv me an answer..den how can i 交差?den ok lo..she go hers i go mine lo..it's the way we've been like..not like normal sisters..who doesn't want a sister relationship jus like fren fren de..i don think i'll ever have la..cos she'll forever like wants her 威严..

sis jus said jiayi became prettier..she long time din see her de..hee..aiya..grow up le will take more notice on looks de ma..who will wana be uglier..aiyo..for me ah..aiya..sui bian la..jus look presentable can le la..they say i look like small like girl still studying in high school..haha..hmm..wad makes me have that kind of face..ppls says 像由心生..tt's y i still look so kiddish ba..

falling asleep le..gotta sleep le..tmr den so temple stuff ba..zzzzzzzz