today reach school at 8 for compo standarisation..jus realise i sent out an email to the hotline desk..end up went one big round and shoot back to lotsa sch key personnel..sigh..stupid me..cos tt time noe nothing at all bout it..so ask bout it..

compo den end up think i mark too strict..ppl sitting beside me saw my marks saw..wah..so strict ah..den another told me one of the pupils' compo..other teachers saw and gave 8..i gave 5..siao liao..but cos compare ma..the pupil is the not so good one..but den that kid's parent will ask..hmm..tink i really gave mark too strict..

during yesterday's invigilation..one of my pupil din come..and did not take note of the absentee..and some student din write their name on th answer script..siao liao..i got so worried..end up everything still ok..sigh...

1st 2 period actually free today..so trying to finish marking the 2nd marking of the compo..but i don really have the mood to mark it..so stress up and so many things on my mind..den went for invigilation..den one only one period free for the day..went to catch the absentee to take the test..and to settle later on pe class gym test..suddenly got ppl say need to key in their result into the system by next week..siao liao..i din do that before..by the time wana go into the system to look around..bell ring..den gotta rush the kids for their gym test..den they're so noisy and slow..this class..sigh..den bring them back to class..rush for another lesson again..extra period with the class bcos of first 2 period free..den gave them a scolding cos they're shouting around..it's not that i'm purposely late..explain to them so many times i couldn't make it on time but they stil don understand..

den when i'm rushing for my lesson..my neighbour reminded me to keep the compos in a safe place in case got ppl really wana backstab and sabotage..den i thot..ppl like me stil wana sabotage me..siao liao lo..i so blur and gong one..but i guess..if really wana sabotage den like tat lo..don think the person who sabotage me won have a good end anyway..usually will end up that way..jus like if i harm others..i won have a good end too..can say it's retribution ba..

den..lotsa htings on my mind..den suddenly thot of the passwords that i had..i think i can't remember all the passwords..siao liao..sigh..

tmr 8am again..temple lesson plan..compo..keying in results into com for reference..i've done none..thou i went out to buy my bbt for a short break..no use..it jus make me feeling full but actually not full at all..dono y like don even have time to fill up my water bottle for the day..don have enuff water..and my right back was aching liao siao since this morning..den some of the teachers oredi finish their 2nd marking..so many things on my mind..plus other stuff..i'm feeling quite irritated these days..

yesterday..broke my sis's bowl..she put it at the sofa table..which was a dangerous place..and she's away for a while..den i was wathcing tv din see her bowl there..and my leg jus kick...and it fell and broke lo..she left her favourite food inside the bowl..sigh..den sis keep blaming me..while my parents say shd blame herself for putting it at such a dangerous place..den she not happy lo..say if i leg nt itchy don kick den this won happen...they had a big quarrel..dad say wnaa beat her up..den sis say him to shut up..i oso din really wan it to happen..but i was watching tv and really din notice the bowl was dere..den sis say they biased towards me..den mum jus say..ya lo ya lo..of course she teared la cos it feels it's unfair..i din say it's not my fault..but she shd nt jus out the blame all on me..i really din noe..i feel like cyring..but end up..i suddenly realise..i had no tears anymore..maybe i really cry until no more tears..or mayb i'm too stress up over other things tt's y it doesn't bother me..or...i've jus become stronger aft so many years of criticism...blaming...suppression..

dono y..i have a feeling that i gradually noe wad i really wanted..the kind of life i wana live..the kind of guy i really like..jus that last time i din take action..or dare to act or voice or express out..everything oso ok ok..even if not ok i still accept it and say ok..but now..i'll have a better idea and dare to voice out if necessary..and really go and do wad i really wanted..the true me inside out..but whether others can accept..it's really not up to me..i'm jus..trying to be my true self too..thou stil trying hard to express and voice out wad i really wanted..last time always wan everyone to like me..tt's y do things tt other ppl like..now jus that some couldn't accept this me tt could voice myself out..but i feel more satisfied bout this me..noe wad i like or dislike..phew..jiayou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!