My Long Journey To My World Of Dreamz & Happiness

2012-01-23T13:18:00.001-08:00

It's already 5am but I still couldn't sleep

2012-01-23T10:42:00.001-08:00

Ever worst sucky Chinese new year...

Even during eve of Chinese new year.. My family is quarreling.. I'm being forced to quarrel.. Saw my sis did not tidy her stuff.. Just eat sleep watch tv serial.. She put her worksheets on my table.. Which triggers me to quarrel with her..and her 傲气makes her talk back and pick on me on every little thing I did..

And the reunion dinner was never ever a good one.. Cursing each other during Lao Yu Sheng.. I was forced to eat unhappily at the same table with my family.. I ate quietly..

I suggest to Jaja watch midnight movie on today.. Dono y he came over to my house just to quarrel with me.. I dono y everytime he will start the quarrel..just like my sis.. Picking on every little flaws I have..am I not good enough? I think I am a good girl.. But how come I'm still being picked at? I don need another sis to pick on me.. I never ever pick on him or unhappy with anything he did.. End up he wanted to change me.. He say he won try to change me.. End up he always eat back on his word and always think what he did and what he think is always right.. Why can't I have my own thinking and own way of doing things? Sometimes it has nth to do with him and yet he wanted to interfere.. I have my own decision.. Why do I always have to end up crying before he acknowledge and accept the answer that I gave him?

I am really tired.. Even many friends that me how can I tolerate this kind of person? I dono how long I need to tolerate his temper before he could really change( he said he wanted to change himself).. But I think he loves himself more than anyone else... If not he will not always be so unhappy with so small things about me and make me unhappy already..

What I only want is someone who can cheer me up instead of letting me think of the unhappy things that I already got it at home.. So what's the diff between him and my family? I'm just jumping from one unhappy aide to another unhappy side..

I bet in the long run.. My health will just be gone because I am always unhappy

I just know... I've been hurt too much..

2012-01-13T09:16:00.001-08:00

I really feel angry when she throws away my things that I need to use.. Or spoil my things just because she's careless. I really wish I could get away from this house and this family.. All the while my wish is still the same..this house has bad people.. Bad fengshui.. Everything is bad..

I'm not happy at all..it's not that I'm not filial or hate them..I'm just not happy because of their character..doing..everything..does things for my own good but harm me instead..I know I shd not be grumbling but after all these years of tolerance I really couldn't take it..I hate the way they groom me to be like this and let me have this kind of bad habit which makes me to be what I am now. It's really serious..living with fear..phobia..and sleepless nights..pls tell me what to do in order for them to just let me go and be free so that I can be happy..

I really don wan to be a kid and whatever I do they'll just object silently and keep complaining at the back how bad I did what bad things I've done. How come everything I did turns bad in front of them? How come
I cannot choose the way I want to go? How come they keep thinking I have no choice but to live like that? How come I give money and contribute to the family still need to be disliked and say I give too much? How come all the good things that I did all become bad? Why can't I just be myself? Why do I need to be controlled by people from everywhere and everyone? I feel so stress that I keep having nightmare.. I'm being forced until I have nowhere to go and no where to retreat.. I'm on the verge..at the very very edge and back ..afraid..couldn't move anymore but to squat down and cry but can't call or any help because nobody can help..

What am I going to do..I am really too afraid to help myself but nobody can help me..

2012-01-10T15:39:00.001-08:00

Ate sth which is spicy... I'm afraid my tonsils will act up. I've not fully recovered yet..dono if i shd see doctor.. Already spent alot of money on it..I don even dare to go to my loudest when I scold my kids..I felt I lost a little freedom to my voice..but the thing is.. Teach PE usually have to speak quite loud..I have PE almost everyday since I'm teaching 2 classes.. I just hope I can be as healthy as possible in 2012

2012-01-09T04:02:00.001-08:00

On my way home now aft buying bread.. I purposely waited for Jaja to go home tgt as there's a briefing in the evening..

Dono y at the very end I decided to back out..cos I rmb Jaja saying nt to wait for him..when I reach the bus stop he told me to walk back. Haha.. He so good enough to want to fetch me home, but 10 sec later he called again n ask me not to walk back and ask me to choose.. n I just missed my bus to walk back.. It was not the usual bus stop and it's really quite far.. So I still chose not to walk back.. I told him I missed my bus.. He's angry about it and say I can choose nt to take his bike..

although I really wish to take his bike.. I still say no.. Cos if I don take his bike he can go home earlier since he shd be tired or fetch other ppl home on the way..although it's really fast to take his 15 min bike home compare to me using 1hr to reach home..

I did consider to go take driving license so tt I can go anywhere more conveniently n not depend on anyone..n I can take whatever heavy stuff with me instead of carrying on my shoulder.. I try to take smaller bag.. It helps.. but I owe many ppl alot of stuff cos I din take back to do..but.. Considering me always blur and getting lost.. No matter how I just couldn't differentiate where is which direction.. Just like I couldn't differentiate the specs of different cameras..hm..maybe taxi? It's said to be cheaper than owning car..ha.. It's just a wishful thinking.. Even if I have tt kind of money I'll also won spend it like that..actually I really wish bicycle can take me to and fro from sch..

I hope I'm able to accomplish what I wanted to do and stop owing other ppl..or myself anything..:)

2012

2012-01-06T07:12:00.001-08:00

What I want to do in 2012?

- to be a happy person after I graduate
- able to go for a graduation trip ( although I have no grad ppl to pei me)
- able to pick up my DIY stuff and do them
- able to pak tor and be with Jaja alone (no other ppl) once a week..
- take good pics with good cam
- update blog and use check Facebook more often
- do more DIY stuff
Long term goal:
- to look for physicians that can cure me or mama
- overseas volunteer work

Hmm.. Maybe that's about it..oh ya..for work wise I hope I can bring more hope to my p2 weak class students and make them believe in themselves they can do it.. I tried the method of facing the classlist and say 谢谢你，对不起，请原谅我..it somehow works a little n they are nt as bad as what their form teacher thinks of them..=)

2012-01-06T06:22:00.001-08:00

坐摩托越来越没安全感，是对驾车技术没安全感...还是对人？

2011-12-22T02:25:00.000-08:00

2011 dec went Bali...although I have tonsil..I spent few hundred bucks to see doctor still couldn't cure me...end up no matter how worried my mum is.. I still went.. Yes I had a fun trip.. Go cycling roll down the hill when my leg is not long enough to touch the floor.. Went water rafting.. Spa.. Jaja is still disappointed that nobody play waterspouts with him. I dono y he's so unhappy even thou it's a blessing that I can go.. He told me he's upset about everything just bcos of my family..I really dono y he's so upset about it.. when there are even more important stuff to worry about..

After i came back, went to temple for a 2 day lecture.. I try to change.. I see mama coughing for so long.. I really couldn't help her.. She's too weak to move.. I try to learn how to wash clothes that will 脱色 using washing machine..

I've been washing my hands alot.. Bcos I am so afraid that i will get infected..den I'll get sick again.. I already have the phobia of being sick.. It's really a hassle to always use soap to wash hand again and again.. And sterilize the handphone everytime my mum touches it..and don dare to go near her just in case.. I don wish to be like that 洁癖...and there's once i told jaja about this.. He ask me to stop cos he feels gross when i tell the details of how dirty it is..

living in the house is so tiring.. Even my dad is coughing.. The house is full of germs.. I'm really afraid..

I really wish to get out of the hse but I couldn't. I have to take care of mum.. I have sleepless nights when mum called out in the middle of the night..I really jumped up to attend to her..n aft that I keep hearing she was crying in pain.. But end up it's my own imagination.. I keep gg to her room to check if she's calling..it's really physically n mentally tiring..I couldn't sleep well for nights..keep hearing voices that mama is calling in my ear..

Went to a funeral.. It's my good fren's popo.. While I was walking towards the place..I was having alot of feeling.. What shd I say to her.. How will she feel.. I felt nervous cos to me.. It wasn't any ordinary one that I went.. It's my best fren's close ones away from her.. I din say much to her.. I felt I shd be silent.. to feel that kind of feeling of close ones being away.. I want that kind of silent me to feel it..that 感同身受feeling...

Me and Jaja had some kind of... conflict? Problem? Obstacles? that he feels that could not be solved.. He say he's tired.. Cos he's being giving and付出alot and help me alot..and nvr take anything in return and doesn't feel appreciated in this relationship.. He feels neglected as I'm always busy.. So I ask him to go find companions..but the most big thing is he wants to settle down.. My family is nt ready to accept him.. I'm not ready...the time he gives himself is up so he feels tired..

There's once I chatted with him for very long on the phone.. Saying that I never ever complain to him that I'm tired..even thou I have more tiring stuff than him to do.. I only complain in my blog and that's it.. Most impt thing is I just want him to be happy..even if he goes out with frenz ( mostly girls) I don mind.. Cos he doesn't have much guy frenz and I have no time for him.. I give him all the freedom he wants..as long as he's happy..sometimes I really dono how to satisfy his craving of going out to just play and play where I have so much stuff to do..he don need to take care of sick parents.. He don have phobia of getting bad grades..he don need to worry about anything.. His life is so good..far more better than me and yet he's complaining more..

but after a long talk he ok den I ok lo..

I did alot of beads accessories and gave out during Christmas.. I spent alot on the materials..Can go n sell liao..haha..

Finally I have some free time for myself to do some stuff for my frenz.. So good..

Another half a yr and I'll graduate.. I am so so SO happy!! Then I'll have more free time to do stuff that I like.. I just hope I won get sick and my tonsils don get swollen again.. Although it nvr really heal completely.. Bcos of it, I nvr ate any junk food and cut off my favorite Milo for months.. Sigh.. But good thing is I shed 3kg! I hope I can continue to be fit and healthy to keep on going!

2011-11-29T16:08:00.001-08:00

A very difficult fight with my illness

Yes it was a very difficult fight. It has been a week since I am terribly sick. I am still feeling terrible when I'm writing this. What's wrong with me?

I have tonsilics, white spots appear on the inner throat deep inside, just like when people have ulcers on their lips. Mine is inside, and many. At first I didn't spot it, just have fever and just don't subside. The doctor don't want to give me antibiotic in the 1st place, and gave me strong panadol trying to suppress my fever. End up no use, I've finished 14 tablets of panadol, 2 pills 4 times. I am someone who doesn't know how to swallow pills and will gulp alot of water to force it down. Everytime I've eaten, I'll wait for myself to sweat. Sweat until drip water. The whole shirt and towel is wet, but I can't help it. I didn't study for my exam at all, and I started to vomit before the day of exam . On the day of exam, I popped a pill before going for the exa
. I couldn't care so much. Lucky it was just a half hour "do or die" paper. After the paper I was so happy, happy not because I've finished my exam, but I felt much better. This is the only afternoon that I can sleep well for the whole week.

However, everything comes back in the evening. I went to see doctor again. This time the doctor gave me antibiotic, and say my throat isn't that sore, but I know it's the throat that makes me have high fever. So I used a mirror to look at my own throat, and found a few white big ulcers at the side of my throat. I was shocked. I had the same symptom my sis had. According to the Internet it will take 3-4 weeks for it to recover. But the following Sunday I will be going overseas. How?

Luckily, Hui Jun recommended a Chinese physician who is good at curing throat infection and fever, so I ask Jaja send me there. I've already missed alot school activities and I felt so guilty. The medicine is good. It cures my throat. In order for me to get well faster for Bali, the doctor aak me to eat the medicine every hour.

But my stomach is already spoilt by the amount of medicine I took. I took western medicine and Chinese medicine by just 2 hour gap. My stomach cannot take it. Even though I'm not eating panadol, but I'm still sweating and dripping water every minute. Why? Because every hour after eating medicine, I will wait for myself for my stomach to feel unwell and wait in the toilet for myself to puke. I will start to cough, and my mouth will start to have the sour gastric fluid, and will have the feeling of vomitting. But I force myself not to vomit. No matter sit, stand, walk, I tried different method,laughing, or even chanting, but that kind of miserable feeling doesn't get better. Sometimes the heart will pound so fast that it hurts. I try to grab hold of my heart to make myself feel better. Can't. I try to sit in front of laptop to watch drama and forget the feeling. Can't. I feel so miserable that I have go always go in and out of toilet to get ready to puke, or suddenly leave my chair and lie on the bed without switching off the laptop. I have to be hardworking and keep on eating medicine in order to get well just to go bali. Even when I know it doesn't make me feel well, I will eat medicine one mast time before I go to bed. And in the middle of the night I will walk around in the dark living room just to make my stomach feel better. There are many times I was so irritated, i wanted to throw my temper, i wanted to throw tantrum, I threw my medicine on the floor, but end up just cry to steam out that temper in me, and later try to put a smile on my face cos I know being angry and sad isn't good for the health but happy does. I repeated the same thing almost everytime I couldn't take it. Angry, sad, smile.

On the day when my medicine is finishing, I tell myself: tomorrow I will go and see doctor again. Don't tolerate anymore and just vomit. In the end I did. I feel much better when I went to sleep.

Today, I went to see the Chinese doctor again. It's a suay day for Jaja. So I told him to leave early for his badminton. It was a hot day, I was sweating profusely and sat at the staircase beside the clinic for half an hour before it open. As I was sitting there, I felt so awkward. I'm too lethargic to use my phone or anything. I just sat there. I very much wanted and needed someone to be by my side. It seems like I was fighting this battle alone, although Jaja keep telling me not to be sad, not to worry. But the most important thing is I felt very uncomfortable. I don't know how long I'm going to suffer, but I know I shouldn't make him sad or unhappy because of me. It's good that he has friends to acc him eat and play these few days. This is something yet so simple but I could not do.

Now you know why I am always smiling so happily? That's when I'm healthy. To me, being healthy is the most simplest reason that I should feel happy for myself. I'm wondering the feeling I have now will it be the same as those people who are suffering from cancer going through those chemotherapy, where they feel miserable every hour, every minute. No wonder people says fighting a long term disease is difficult to be happy. I myself couldn't do that, no matter how hard I try to make myself laugh, smile, I find it better to cry out when in pain. At least tears can be the substitution of the pain and let it out of the body.

I really admire those people who stay by the sick and take care of them. If it's me I really cannot. How I know, because right now, at the same time, mum is coughing badly in the other room in the middle of the night. Her sleepless night is more than mine. Now, I suddenly remember the vow that I said to shoulder half of mum's suffering. Both aren't sleeping tonight, together fighting a fierce battle. She too couldn't take it and cried many times for help, but nobody can help us but ourselves.

There are many times I really wanted to go inside her room to hug her, but I can't cos virus will spread. I am so afraid of virus and sometimes get too paranoid, and clean and clean, disinfect again and again. Cos I know once I get the virus it's another long battle.

How many times have I paced around in and out of the toilet to get ready to puke. I've lost count. But if this is what I need to go through, or my mum, I hope it will end really soon. And will going Bali really be a reward for me?given this present status....?

My lifelong goal: to find a doctor just enough to cure me or my mum, that is already good enough.

2011-11-16T05:48:00.000-08:00

My exam is coming...it seems easy..30 min to assure u're dead or alive..i didn't really study much for it..as interpretation is not my forte..i'm not good in speaking..i rather not to speak a word at all..yet i went into a career which i need to speak alot..i'm not good in action stuff..yet I went to learn wushu...I like to stay at home..yet I learnt so many stuff and always not at home..what does this tells me about myself? like to challenge myself to do things that I thought I couldn't do? I don't know..I just know that I'm constantly under stress when all these that I'm doing are all not my forte..

This year is the first year that I do not have a birthday cake with me..I told myself not to celebrate at all..but I just couldn't help it when my birthday was forgotten..it's like no birthday celebration..no existance of me in this world at all..

But actually is bcos jaja is sick..actually I seem to be thinner cos he's sick..I don go out eat..and I won turn fat...that's what he wants too...

I just feel it a waste to have so many discounts and coupon that I didn't use this month....my free cake..free ice cream..and my favourite tcc...and the place that I want to go..left about 10 day towards the end of the month..minus off the exam dates..i don have much day left to use them..

No matter what is the outcome of my exam result..I shouldn't be too botered over it..after all..i'm still learning..i just need a pass..this is the last interpretation assignment that i'm having..I should embrace it and enjoy it..

I just went to cut my hair..it feels lighter..I was having a very bad headache..therefore I couldn't concentrate on studying...or maybe i use it as an excuse for myself..

Other ppl try to work faster to relax..I work harder and faster to do more work..this thinking is..not right? I wanted to contribute more and do more..I don't see what's the problem..it's so waste of time to waste the time away..if the same thing comes..i'll still choose to do things which are useful than resting..yes..I might harm my own body by not resting..having body ache and pain everywhere until i toss and turn...until i couldn't sleep at night...but it's worth it..cos I dono what the world will become the next minute..maybe when I want to contribute..there isn't any more chance for me to do that..

How I wish I could travel around the world to the places that I want to go..go to Japan to see Sakura..Go to Cape of Good Hope in Africa..blow the bagpipe in Scotland..Go Toledo and see how chrstian use the mosque as a church..go every places to look at their culture..and to take part time and earn some travel money on the way..to look at the world...and to understand how it is like to be in other countries..but..looking at the natural disaster and weather..I don think there is a chance for me to really go to those place anymore..esp when I can only travel during school holidays... I did have the idea of taking leave to travel..but i don think my family will allow..what to do...I still have my constraints to think about..

A lot of peple is striving towards money..fame..achievements..but I just want to take a look at the world..I don need to live in a nice house..or need any extra stuff to make myself happy..I just want to do the things I want..why can't I stop thinking of others and try to be more happy to be myself..living what other people wants of u is really difficult..I can say I didn't really live for myself..since I can't do the things I want..live has always been difficult..if I have a child I will definitely let he or she do whatever he or she likes..I hope they can enjoy the freedom..as long as they know what they want and there's nothing wrong in what they do.. i hope they can achieve the freedom that I dream of having...

2011-11-07T06:12:00.001-08:00

It's my birthday today...Happy Birthday to myself! These 3 days..I didn't go anywhere..just went out for a little while to look at the DBSS Belvia @ Bedok.. Anyway, I've finished my report..Oh yeah! Today for the full day I just keep on watching drama..tv..everything except work..Jaja is having fever these few days..bless him! Shing!

2011-10-29T20:31:00.000-07:00

有时候真的觉得我在家里是最不被受欢迎的，不管是不是我的错，只因为是家里最小的，没有说话的权利，被骂也不可以顶嘴。我已经二十多岁了，为什么还是一样？

如果我出去，不在家，很多事情都不会发生，就为了一张废纸，把亲情，友情，爱情，自由，全都牺牲了。这三年下来，我从头到尾都觉得读这三年的书一点都不值得，剥夺了我所有的东西，剥夺我成为全心全意为学生的老师，剥夺我做好女儿、女友、朋友的角色，剥夺我做我自己的自由。每个人都说那张废纸很好，对我来说，那只是我痛苦的开始......

2011-10-22T02:41:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since I wrote...until I checked my post and it was aug the last time..I actually the most busy is still assignment...although i keep telling myself it's going to be over soon...my mins is still full of assignments...I couldn't rest well..there are also other stuff in school which I need to take note and occupied with..plus I have to constantly update myself with news and ews and news and trying to interpret what every person said into another language to practice...it was tough..whether physically or mentally..it's tough...

when I was in temple...i finally saw how other people interpreted from the chinese leturer to english..the person was really cool man...it was fluent..and her speed and everything was good..for me..there are alot of religion terms that I need to think how to interpret it..the teacher told us at most 20 min need to change another interpreter..guess wad..the person interpreted for the whole lecture for more than an hour..and she wasn't tired at all..i was really wondering how she did that..without any scripts..any preparation..or wht the topic was about..it was an imprompto thing..I found it really amazing..will I ever be like her?I can't imagine myself so amazing doing it..I find them a genius..first..to interpret..second to make sense out of nonsense..third..to keep up with the speed and retain the content..and being fluent in another language..

I really thought of where I should live after I got married..I just realise there's no ideal place that has HDB flats for me to buy..or is it still because..I wanted to leave the family just to get freedom? but subconsciously I don't want to move so far away from them.. the invisible string is still there..attached..

today..I was eating and shopping alone again in bugis..when my boyfriend and my colleague friends are out there chatting happily over lunch..but it was good to be alone as I like that kind of feeling..am I a wierdo? I can feel the energy around me when I was alone by myself..even when I was interpreting..I need to be calm..稳重...and I could interpret better than laughing and chatting with my friends..but as what I learnt...人到了最后还是回一个人走自己的路...isn't that the case for me..when I don't need anybody to be with me and I can deal very well with myself..I like that kind of freedom..when I don't want to laugh..I don't laugh..when I don't feel like talking..I don't talk..I don't feel any awkwardness by myself..it's so much better when in a big group and I have nothing to say and I have to keep smiling and trying hard to feel that I'm still with the group..but that's different from my boyfriend..he likes to joke around..talk..laugh..in a big group..but I really couldn't..it's not that I don't like..but I really don't know how to...our character is so different..yesterday he just told me...when he try to joke with me..I don't laugh..he's not happy...what to do..I'm just like that..so I just let him go out with other people to satisfy his needs..but I don't why will be scared I get jealous...when I already told myself that I won't..it is my choice of not going out with them..or also..I couldn't be with them..I have my own things that I need to do..I have my own life..although the things I did might not be what I want..I chose to do that..

I think heaven just don't want me to rest any bit..lots of things happening which made me worried..made me couldn't really relax and rest..just wants me to keep going with small and big obstaces here and there..to tell the truth..I wasn't 100% happy in any day..cos I couldn't rest..what to do..that's life..it seems to be negative..but still..got to keep on...just like interpreting..you got to keep up with the speed..if you don't interpret that sentence..that timing is over..there's no time for you to regret and look back how poorly you have done..you just got to keep interpreting until the end..that's life too..although some parts of life you can make a better choice and making yourself happier..but you didn't..but you couldn't stop and look back how sad was your past..you just got to keep up with the busy life and obstacles you have and deal with it..to me..everything was nothing..all I need to do was to make the right choice..small matters doesn't really matter to me..whether what I eat today..what I do today..where I live..these are really all small matters that I don't take note..

Recently..after hearing a lecture in temple..I have a tendency not to buy anything at all..and I still wanted to donate and give away my stuff..to really those who need and not selling them..these holidays..I hope I have the time to really sit down and plan what I should do..and even what will my life be after I graduated...

2011-09-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

Happy Teacher's Day!

Our school is celebrating Teacher's Day and Mid Autumn together..

As usual..received lots of presents..

They're going to be fairy tale characters today..Therefore they are more cute than usual times..

Choir singing

My student playing piano..

Peter Pan and Captain Hook!

Sinbad!

敬茶仪式

It's a solemn ceremony..

Everyone is walking very slowly..and did not smile..

Holding the cups steadily..

And bowing to us...

And wishing the teachers..

Mid Autumn Celebration Time!

Teacher's Day Dinner..Mask!

2011-09-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

To the museums
Went to different museums during August as it is free..

First, went to stamp museum..it was quite interesting!

Went to paranakan museum..it was fun too wih the guide telling us everything..

Went to National Museums..which we have went before a few years back..

Jaja is not happy cos he's not really interested in arts or history..

But we still went to the special exhibition which we have not went before..

Went to Zen Japanese Restaurant to eat..a full full meal again..

Then we went to the Arts Museum..some of the displays are cute!

Went to the small arts museum beside..they're focusing on Hari Raya..the things inside are cute and arty

Went to Lights at the museum..there're special light effects..

2011-08-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

I dono how long I can hang on....I'm trying my very best to hang on..How silly I am to do my FYP at this sem when it's not my final sem..and gotta read so much research paper and cramming everything together and clashes with other courses and the deadline is so near...

Woke up 6 plus am to do my research paper..felt so tired..go to school..din mark anything but do my research paper..break time do research paper...go home...still have to do research paper..i dono what i'm reading..i dono what i'm writeing..i just feel...tired...

Why other ppl can go out to have fun on a Friday night when I can't..

Why is the road jam with cars to go out dinner on a Friday night..and I got to jam with them and go back home to do my work...

Why other ppl can just go overseas without hesitation and no clashes in their schedule..

Why do I need to go for courses even when it's a school holiday weekend..

Why do my house money got stolen by my one and only dad and made everyone so unhappy..

Why do I still remember how my dad stole my money when I was young..

Why are people can go overseas..I cannot..

被这个家绑住一辈子，哪里都去不了

好想离开，又狠不下心，怎么办

Sad? Maybe I need to have that feeling to make myself feel better..

I need to breathe...but I really can't breathe well..

I wanted to sleep but I can't sleep well when all the stuff just keep haunting me..

After these years of studying..I can feel that my health is deteriorating.. My eyes are bad..rheumatism..body aching everywhere and it just won go away..

Is it worth it..I really feel like giving up...when most of the time I am feeling hungry..when a small bread is my dinner..when I need to rush for lessons and my heart keeps thumping trying not to be late and trying not to get any accident on road..

I'm really tired mentally trying to squeeze in everything..

I really need to push everything aside...cheer up..and get things done...

2011-07-18T10:50:00.000-07:00

It's been such a long time since I blog..because I've been busy with other stuff...and many things happen in June..that's why I always hesititate to blog and upload photos..will take a long tim..but if I don't blog..I'll just stop here and won't go on anymore..so I finally forsake some sleeping time to try to blog a simple one for my June..
This is my Hangzhou school trip from 3-9 Jun...30 kids and 5 teachers going..I'm in the blue group in charge of 7 students..that's quite a lot to me as it's the first time I'm bringing a group overseas..but anyway..the girls are sweet and obedient..the guys are either blur or funny..you can see...

First day we did nothing..just travelling makes us tired..It's the 2nd day that they had their most fun I guess..they're going to Dodu City to work! What is it like there? Let's take a look..

It's a big building with a few floors..the students can go around the 2 whole levels to work as much as they can...they are streets..traffic lights..and different jobs available in every shop..

Wondering how to do their job? Therer will be a person in every shop and station to guide them how to do their job..most job need to work around 30min to 1 hr to get paid..those who are selling things will get commission for every one thing sold..

They have to meet the requirement in order to work there..those who work well can get extra pay..

Some of them are in the court..

SOme of them selling newspapers on the streets..

This is how the streets look like...

This is where they got their newspapers from..

they are acting as postman and send mails to other shops..the smaller kids will sometimes pair up with the bigger ones..

They are patrolling the streets..you should know who they are..

Too bad adults couldn't get to play...

This is their ATM card and Dodu money..they can draw their money out or put money inside the bank..where the people in the bank are also students..

Alot of our students are working in the bank..you know why..because this job can earn the most money...oh my god..

You should know..they are trying to sell their work for money..before that..they still gotta pay for the material fee..if the drawing are not sold..they won't get a cent..that's the life of an artist..

we can always get good food..8 dishes and a soup for every meal..

The 3rd day..we went to the 西湖..It is beautiful because of the 柳树..and the romantic story there..of 白蛇传，梁山伯朱英台...and many more..

We then went to the 刀剪剑博物馆...where we did some cutting..

Then..we went to watch the famous 宋城千古情...where it talks about what happens during Song dynasty...it is 4D somemore..with water falling and movable seats..till now..it has shown around 30000 shows for these few years? Although it repeats the same thing every night..it is always full house..but we are late for the show..and unhappy about it as we didn't get to watch the first 10 min of the show..

The 4th day..we went to the Fan Museum..there are many types of fan there..I bought a "pencil umbrella" suitable for me to stuff inside my bag..hee...

We also went to 万松书院where 梁山伯and朱英台met...according to history..these 2 person appear in the school..but there are a few hundered years apart..so do you think this story is still true?

Next, we risked our lives and took a few hours journey of bumper car into the village to visit Qiu Yuan Primary School..the people there are quite educated..just that their facilities their are not so adequate..you can see..they do not have any fans on the ceiling..only depend on nature wind..

for their accomodation..it's is very simple..tey don't have mats..but own 草席on top of the plank and sleep..80% of the students stay in the school..while 20 % of the students who live near "still need 4 to 5 hours to reach home) go home to stay...

How do they survive? basically..they stay in from Monday to friday..just like army..but everytime they go school..they gotta carry 1 week of rice and vege..their vege must be those preserved vege that are not easily perishable..and they cook by themselves...the P4 will take care of the P1s..the teacher also stay in..every nite..the teacher will burn 2 coils to keep the mosquito away for the while school..

There are only 12 teachers..including the principal..less than 200 students..every level only 1 class... 1 class about 25 to 30 plus ppl..

I made the right choice of bringing my instant camera there..cos they're so amazed that the photos can develop out instantly..I just used up all my instant print I brought there..they are so happy..hee..our school also interact with the kids there but the accent makes them not understandable..we taught them how to speak slower and stuff..it's really a good trip..but a little too dangerous as the road is narrow and there can be landslides anytime..on the way back dur to landslide we still gotta carry the rocks blocking our way back..

Then...we went to the famous 岳飞Temple..I took a lot of pictures as I know it is useful for my temple stuff...

Did you noticethere is a dot missing in the 国? It's deliberate..even at the tatoo of his back..because his mother wants him to know that the 国will not be completed if he did not serve his country well..

And actually..there are 4 people who betray 岳飞..and not only the couple..still have 张俊and 万候卨 kneeling in front of the tomb..actually I took down the tomb of 岳飞..but I better don put it up as it seems to be disrespect to the dead..

Because we complain..we got to go to SongCheng again to watch the show..this time..we have time to walk their streets..so we went to walk to 聊斋街..it's quite fun..there's a haunted house and houses which is slanted and upside down..

Ok..time to go home..on the way to the airport..the kids sang..we sang..and earn lots of points!

It was a great trip..luckily the weather is good when we want it to be good..and turns bad when we are indoor..really thank god for it..if not we won't be able to get out of the village..the blessing from reverend before we go really works..thanks..

And the team of teachers that we went together..they are all very on..I am very glad that principal and the planner chose the right teachers to go..天时，地里，人合are all perfect..it's so wonderful!

2011-05-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

After my exam today.. I did many things.. got a goody bag from Krafers paradise..those DIY shops..and did sth to participate in their competition... then went to get my flu jab as I'm going Hangzhou soon..then went to borrow a "Jimmy" book from library...and went to queue up for my half price Mocha Frappe at NEX starbucks...after that went to farrer park City Square Mall to submit my project..felt great to just walk around by myself from here to there...then went to toa payoh to walk around and ate dinner with friends...

I had a fufilling day... can throw back all my fears of exam and just walk walk..while drinking my Mocha and walking around...I was smiling to myself..how can I be so relax...

I still remember the days in JC...the teachers will pin up the higher chinese marks that we got..and i'm always one of the last few at the bottom...just like sim this sem...saw the teacher holding on to a paper with assignment results asking and checking out how are we...and I'm also one of the lower mark range students..the teacher asked me to buck up..how to buck up when I don't even know what I'm doing..

But today..I don't care..I just go out to walk walk and shop shop..I like that feeling..the feeling of smiling everywhere I go and to everyone I meet...I don't care if others say me crazy..but I am just that HAPPY! I ate so full today until my stomach pain..but I don't care..

I heard what happened in the school today..it's in a mess..can't imagine how it's like when I go back school tomorrow..but I don't care as long as my exam is finished for the first week..2 more papers to go..the fear will come next week..let it come..as long as I'm happy now...hehehe..I just can't contain my happiness..and the only thing that I want to do today...is to draw! I bought an A5 size drawing booklet..wanted to start drawing..there's only a pencil and eraser in my bag today..no heavy books..no heavy pencil case...no heavy stack of worksheets..yesh!

I can't imagine what will happen when I finish my exam...it's such a short short break before going to Hangzhou..will be busy with school stuff and packing..most importantly..I can finally spend some time with my friends and Jaja without any exam worries!

I just can't contain my happiness now..though it's sad that I will miss out DYB camp @ Desaru for Hangzhou..both are fun..so I won't lose out anything..as usual..will plan out some special stuff for my group students..gotta think about it..hmm...I just can't stop smiling to myself now..I am just so HAPPY!

..or maybe sth to do with my mocha!=)

2011-05-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

Today...a kid in my class is leaving..it's one of my colleague's kid..he's a special need kid...will be around in the school half day...and in the special school in the morning...

academically..he won't be able to cope in this school..therefore..his mum decided to let him go..

but he learnt alot of skills..know how to stand still during national anthem...how to line up with the class...how to sit in the school hall without running away and crying....he learn everything from scratch..

i gave him a full container of mentos..titbits..and stationary...if he is a normal kid..these are the things that I would have given him for the full year...if he is a normal kid..i would haven given him all these...these...is what I will give him...I wish that he will learn something new everyday...and these are the goodies for him..if he learn something new..he can take something out from the container..

i bless him with all the power that I had...and hope he will continue to improve everyday...

2011-05-03T02:04:00.001-07:00

Today I teach until very out of breathe....i wasn't feeling very welltoday...not fever...just sore throat but feel very weak...sometimes i wonder...y do i have to make myself so tired...with school work...studies...temple..until i have to give up my hobbies..my gym...guitar...calligraphy..jap lesson...it's really depressing especially when you are sick and u still have to work...and sick during the busiest period....those old ppl illness coming to haunt me when i'm only 25...rheumatism...piles...knee problem....here pain...there pain...

and still trying to keep up with my school work..studies...but I can't...and not only do Idrag my studies down...I drag my students down too..they are slower than the other classes...I think it is my fault that I didn't plan well...in everything..

what can I do?

can I still get my life back?

what am I suppose to do?

can I just run away from all these?

can I really do that?

can I?

2011-04-26T01:42:00.001-07:00

P2 speech and drama is really in a mess, shouldn't have chose to be in charge of it....thought the teacher will settle everything, but actually gives alot of trouble...last year oso won be like that....but i dono is my problem...or the speech and drama side problem...or the school problem...all are not supportive enough...the PA system....oh my gosh...CD player cannot use..remote control battery turns oily....can only play and no pause..cannot go next track...ask PA in charge..say not free...end up ask me off the system myself..go to the room...the chairs and tables for last week oral still not cleared..everything's in a mess..is it really my problem or people find me easy to pushover so they don come and help me..want mic stand no mic stand..gotta walk all the way to the school hall up and down to get it....want PA system the person totally forgot about it...ask me to switch off myself when i don even know..there are so many sqitches to on and off in sequence..what is really the problem...

luckily i ask jaja to come and help after his lesson..but the problem is still not solve..alot of problem not mentioned..if i can settle i sure settle myself...but how do i solve all these problems..if not i really must be like jaja go and "RAHHHH" and shout at them..."only can do it this way..or that way....no other way...take it or leave it..." do u think i'm that kind of person..

i really need the support..its not a one person thingy but how come everything points to the in charge..i dono what to do u find me oso no use..

this is really a very pressurising week...i'm really very tired...i don even have a proper rest..every morning is scare until wake up de...worry that this haven do that haven do...last week oral i was late by half an hour...i feel so paiseh about it...

can i just say quit...i don wan to do anymore???????

i can feel the toxic produced from the stress inside me...

2011-04-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

first time i got so low for my assignment..48 marks..consider a fail to me..it is really difficult..how come i tried my best end up still fail..i really cannot take it...i cannot believe all these while I din get even a B-..now give me this kind or result..legal meaning and normal meaning is really totally different..sigh..my other assignment is also dropping..getting lower and lower..no more 70 marks liao..i dono how..is it because i didn't study my textbook? i dono what I should do now..to submit my next assignment...or to review again..but i don't know what to edit anymore..who can help me? i really don't know..even if a person who has a good english or chinese base also cannot help me..i need an expert in legal and law to help me..but i dono anyone..

and to think I still want to take honours for it although honours or not doesn't add salary...shd I just hope for a pass will do? can I still hope to get into the honours?

my A level results came back to haunt me again..

2011-04-14T04:36:00.000-07:00

It's really tiring without Jaja sending me there.2 days consecutive carrying heavy bags,rushing out of classroom and bread fir dinner...I haven living this kind of lifestyle for quite some time.it's really tiring...I can save alot of time on bike..and relaxing on the bike...blow wind...not like now..standing till leg ache..carry till backache..and being late for class..very late..if Jaja come fetch me...it'll be so nice..don need to consecutive eat bread and get hungry for 2 nites..and i can reach home earlier...not so tiring.. I'm really very tired...felling asleep on my work desk..

2011-04-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

I have to constantly stay happy so as not to have negative thoughts... negative thoughts can't help me to do anything but only stop me from doing work normally..

2011-04-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

I suddenly became very busy...can't seem to breathe...thinking about being busy for the whole month...it's not really about school work u noe...school stuff is the one the gives me the least worry... 1st sat and sun: sat: morning school band settle uniform at 10am, afternoon dyb rehearsal for tomorrow at 3pm, performance practice at 7pm... sun: full day dyb class.. 2nd weekend: fri: need to stay back for hangzhou briefing for parents at 7pm sat: school opening ceremony rehearsal at 8.30, performance practice at 3pm. sun: I'm left with the only day to do my very stress assignment..but jaja army no one to help out..but i still got to do my assignment at his house using the software he has.. 3rd week: need to come early in the morning to test p3 and p4 oral.. another assignment is going to due..i'm going to chiong.. sun: dyb youth class.. there's more to come.. I have to keep reminding myself to go for this and do that..it's always on my mind..there are also other stuff and meeting which i'm scared that i will forget to go..

2011-03-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

There's an invisible pressure when meeting the parents, not because they are scary, simply because sometimes you really dono wad to tell them when their kids are so good and you have nothing to comment, and sometimes when you talk to fast, you tend to hyperventilate, or even blank out and suddenly stop and dono what to say. it's not that i'm nervous. I face them with a normal attitude, be myself. No matter I seem to be childish or laugh alotor did not speak in a stern teacher-like manner, I don't care. I like myself to be like that. They are quite happy with what I told them. When they ask me how are they or how am I going to help them, sometimes my mind will be blank as I did not really think in depth how I should answer them. I hope they like the way I am..to be truthful and doing my very best I can for them.

2011-03-12T10:40:00.000-08:00

I am very sad because my translation software is giving me a lot of trouble...it's nt because i dono how to translate...now is the software problem..everyone is having a lot of problem on the software...guess i need to go back all the way to sim to do

2011-03-04T02:01:00.000-08:00

These few days...i'm trying not to think too much and go on with my routine...

Although I seem to be normal...there's alot of stuff happening ard in the family...

according to hiearchy of needs...one must have basic need before they can max their potential...

i can't at all...because the house seems to be full of sadness everyday...

dad cough...spread to mum...cough and recovered...and few days later...start the virus again..and it goes on so routinely..

cough from morning til nite...moan from morning till nite...complain from morning till nite....quarrel from morning till nite...

i really couldn't take it anymore...what can i really do to stop all these...

i could either stay at home so as to nag them nag at me...or go out to take a break...

living in a house full of virus...and sadness...isn't easy...

what i can do...is to be normal...

she's in pain...what about me...my back pain...my heart pains too...

hope this kind of sorrow will gently drift further and further away from me...

2011-02-27T02:47:00.000-08:00

went with colleauges to a place to eat...it's owned by one of the teacher's husband..

it has a very nice scenery there...but it's quite ulu...locaed at sengkang Rivera LRT...it's going to open a park there...now..only those who drives or live near the LRT will go there...at nite..there will be lots of ppl drinking there..

we had a fun time chatting there and playing with my camera with "detecting smile" function..

went to nex..lenas again...

this iskids meal..hee..

the park has opened

and the kids park too..the kids are playing with water happily..no need to play..another place for the kids to go..but adults cannot

dog lovers will really like the dog park

yeah! it's really relaxing after doing my very stress assignment to go and walk walk..i really think my hair will become white black white black..

2011-02-13T05:06:00.000-08:00

CHINESE NEW YEAR

before chinese new year..the only thing that i'll do is to go chinatown at the very last minute to grab some cheap taiwan muah chee back to eat..hee..

and also..to look at some lightings...first time using my new camera to take photo..another sony..but i think it's better than my previous sony as it has more function..
there's definitely celebration in school... every year..the "cai shen" will always give chocolate coin to the kids..the they will try to stand up and grab..although it's messy..tey feel it's fun to do that..

when "cai shen" came and give me sweets..he'll say some good words to us every year..this year..he says "aiya can get married liao la..i oredi QC for you oredi..ok"..diaoz..lol

every year a kind hearted parent will sponsor vegetarian yu sheng for every class..then we'll "lou hei" together with our class..i find this meaningful...like really do something together as a class..

actually from 1st to 4th of new year..i went to a lot of places to bai nian..this is the first time i got so many hongbao..all thanks to jaja..got so many relatives..if not there's only 1 hongbao from mama..

on 4th day of cny...we went to a few house to bai nian..pei shi papa made sumptous food for us to eat for brunch..thanks thanks

when we went to ya hui's house..we watched tv and pose and pose..we tried to follow the wallpaper pose..can u spot which one is he posing?

in the evening..we went to jiayi temple to eat buffet..yu sheng as usual..

we had a sumptous dinner..thanks for all the goodies and hongbaos..i had a happy new year.. ^_^

jaja and me also took time to go to chun dao he pan to take a look..

looks like the place is beautiful rite..

jaja looks like those who tells your fortune year on the tv..he just wore this and go out..he says red is his lucky colour this year..no more red liao..all finish le..so he wore this..

we had a fun time too!

yeah! got take photo to 证明we have been to chun dao he pan!

2011-02-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

these days..worried about the pain on the waist..

haven been walking really comfortably these days..trying to walk very straight..but still..the pain is still there sometimes..

before new year..i did the cracking..after new year..it comes again..peobably i din take care after cracking..so it came back..i wore high platform shoes..and ran with it..carried heavy books..tiptoeing..all these affects...and it went back..even worse i guess..after new year..went back..heard more cracking than last time..he tried to pull the spine part..and i heard it sth like stretching the spine bones....and back to the original position..

it's painful..i dare not anyhow move my body anymore..in case it's crooked again..

so this week...i carried haversack...i try not to carry to heavy stuff..i asked students to help me carry...i told them..i injured my waist and i need help..and sth realy touched me...the next day..a boy gave me a piece of paper..the name of a clinic..phone number..and opening hours..i ask him what is it for..he says..my grandma says will cure your illness...a p2 boy..i just merely mention about it and he remembered...

and the next moment..after class..a girl came up to me and ask..can i help you to carry your books teacher? this was the first time someone offers to help me in this class..

although they're the best class in p2..actually their result is not as good as my previous year batch..but the thing is they're really good-hearted..

anyway..this post is just to praise those kids who have helped me...thanks a lot..you are very sweet!

2011-01-24T08:30:00.001-08:00

something big happen recently..i was having parent meeting session in school when mum is alone at home..suddenly..the kitchen is flooded..the phone could not be used..she couldn't call anybody..she tried to pump the pipe so the the clot will go away..but it did not..more and more water came out..she had no choice..but to plead the neighbour to help her to call a plumber to come..and so..after looking through the papers..found one plumber number and called...

that plumber is seriously not a good one..but my mum doesn't know..1st..he did tell her why he go and cut the pipe and leave a hole in the pipe..after the flood is settled..the hole starts to leak dirty water out from all the people living above us..he just uses something to cover the hole and seal it with super glue..which is no use..2nd..he really chop until my mum very jialat..how can cutting a hole in a pipe cost 280 bucks? 3rd..he's really very rude to my mum..quickly receive the money and go away leaving the pipe to leak dirty water..and assuring that if leak he'll come back again..

when i'm back home..it's already too late..mum's face is green..bet she has fallen down many many times in the dirty water without any help..she's so busy scooping water to find out what is our number to call..so..we called the plumber again..he keep saying he not free when the advertisement says a 24 hr service..we tried to do "research" on him..and found out that there are many others complaining about him not doing a good job and over charge..leaving sai kang at the back and don want to give any receipt at all..

i don care..i tell jaja to go and shoot him..when we talk english..he don dare to shout at us..but he shouted at my mama..this is really bullying lo..bully old people dono english..when we talk to him in english then he dono then he'll be scared den will agree this and that..but the thing is he never promise at all...ask him what time come..he says mon..wah liew..sat leaking says mon come..whole house flood liao la..den say and say..until sun...den demand again...at night come...jaja still wait for him to come..and end up he never come at all..jaja then use his own phone to call and ask if he's a HDB approved plumber..he says yes..den jaja phone down phone and he immediately call back again to scold jaja why call so many times when it's just a leaking..but if he did a good job his phone won be ringing all the time liao..i bet there's lots of people demanding him to go back and solve the problem...then jaja fierce fierce demand him to give a timing...to come on sun before 12..he says "if i don see you on sun before 12..i won let the matter rest.." end up waste jaja time waiting lo..

sun..he came..lucky sis is there..he redo the hole for 3 times....first time just take out the cover that he put..and tried to stick it back using the old method again and make it leak...my sis say cannot..den he do this do that redo again...when he did..he's very fierce..keep on scolding..his phone keep on ringing..he's really cursing and swearing and scold foul language to my mum..sis is around he don dare scold unti lso loudly..he keep on spitting saliva for a few times...and just one hole he gotta do from 10 am to 1pm..he wants to leave quickly but sis catch him back says cannot..still leaking..end up when i came back home it's ok liao..but end up still got a small hole behind which we didn't see carefully..so we tried to seal the small hole back..

i am really very angry with this person...his advertisement is really very big..that's y flip newspaper first one saw his number le..i don think he is HDB approved de..cos we check on his company name..whatever..but we couldn't find any information on his company..he keep on giving lame reasons like sunday no receipt..sis demand a receipt from him..but still don't have..he says he will mail to us..

he is really a very ver bad plumber..he is not skillful enough..that's y he chose to cut a hole in the pipe..which i don think HDB will approve lo..and makes us don dare to call the town concil to seal up the small hole because don't think it's legal to anyhow cut a hole..wah liew..really bad luck to meet such a person who is so ah beng and still not doing a good job and creating another problem for people..

Here is his details. If you see this advertisement or see his number or anythign to do with it...don't call him to fix your toilet even if it gets choked or your house flood!

These are his complains:

quoted from a blogger: http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/409/141123.html?1285396859

Pls don't use this plumber, his company is a cheat. He charges me $150 and the problem came back after 2 days. When I called him about it, he keep saying will come take a look but never did so. I had called him more than 5 times, he keep giving the same reply. He is a gangster, very fierce and will argue with you loudly. His company numbers are 6858-1111 and 9858-1111. He advertises very often on The New Paper.

quoted from another blogger:
http://www.fishingkaki.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=117157&sid=3d777e154a440cb286ddb22e086137e7

Hi Kakis, Just want to caution against calling this particular plumber to fix your home leaking pipes problems. Caleed this Mr Ng from classified. His number is 68581111. He was supposed to help fix a leaking problem in my toilet. When he came, told him the leaking problem is not very obvious but over 2 hours the floor would be wet. He immediately went to my toilet and proceeded to fix the problem. Less than 5 mins, he says fix liao and asked me to check. Seems ok but I told him have to wait and see after some time whether ok. Then comes the "big bomb" to me.. The cost is $90. I LL never ask him the cost before hand so I paid him. Then ask for receipt, he says will mail me. The next day, I found the same pool of water at where the leakage occurs. So I proceeded to call him. He answered me to ask me to wait one more hour to see... I told him i check many times already. Suddenly he says busy and bang went the phone. 2 days later, my wife called him, he says same story ask her to wait and thenagain says he busy and bang the phone down. Of course I called him after that to ask him again... kana same treatment.. with phone banging and saying he got another call. I believe this guy is a con-man and hope that whoever reads this will not be conned by this plumber again.

These are his advertisements, other than newspaper, he also advertise online..
http://sg.88db.com/Home-Services/Plumbing-Electrical/ad-2154679

http://mysgdiy.com/viewAd.php?main=7&cat=47&page=8&id=5581

FAST! CHEAP! GOOD!6858 1111Electrical & Plumbing Services 24hrs Islandwide- Chokage - Leakage - - Power Failure - Water Heater - Toilet Sensor - Tap - Basin - Sink - Toilet Bowl - - Cistern - Aircon - Rubbish Chute - Sliding Door - Door Lock - and many other electrical & plumbing services....

Personal particulars:
Name: Beng Teck
Phone number: 68581111/98581111/97878122

As you can see..he's being doing business since 2005 or before..how he can manage to survive through all these complains? 1st..he don't have receipt..2nd..he always push and push..promise but never did anything..3rd..he never give any full details...

But..if you ever encounter this guy..what i can suggest is that 1st...must say how much is the work..2nd...speak english to him...3rd..don be afraid of him...it's better to let your house flood than asking this kind of ppl to do the work for u..

The best solution is...look for town council people..although HDB works half day on sat...town council has 24 hrs plumber service..and i'm sure they won over charge you or give u so much trouble..

Anyway..as what my sis say..it might be a good thing to have this incident before new year..rather than having it during new year..and becose of this..my parents start to talk to each other again..it might not be a bad thing at all...just that i think that ah beng plumber will be suay for the rest of his life after so much people cursing and swearing for his lousy work..as what sis says..a primary one kid cannot think of primary six method to solve the problem..his brain is just so simple....

should i blame myself for not coming back immediately after the parents meeting session instead of going for lunch...or should i blame sis for going to JB when mum oredi book her on that day to go shopping with her..if she stayed behind..things will not be like this..i couldn't save it..cos when this thing happens i'm still in school talking to parents..

i'm really tired..too tired to do anything..when it comes to study again....i will start to...Sigh.....
Oh God...Please..please let me finish my studies early and pass with colours ba...oh please...

2011-01-15T10:38:00.000-08:00

I never ever imagine...that I would sit inside a class..hearing all the different accents of different speakers..watching videos and analysing what they are saying..closing my eyes to focus..main points..ideas..and remembering all the things that the speaker said..

But when I stop imagine..and was really in it..yes..it was fun...it's a challenge to myself..but..it's really taxing on the brain to do so many difficult multi task at a time..

It's difficult..really difficult..4 consecutive days of using the brain for more than 12 hours..esp at night when the brain is being drained from work earlier..you got to listen..you got to analyse..you got to construct what the speaker is saying..catch the main ideas..listen to the accent to guess what the speech is talking about..memorising the statistics..numbers..year..percentage..in a 3 minutes speech..immediately retell the whole speech without jotting down any notes..presenting in front of the class just like what a translator to do..you got to overcome your fear..and while memorising..you got to translate it into the vice versa language and speak it out from your mouth..and taking note how much time the speakerhad spoke..without looking at the clock..notion of time..you got to guess...you got to deverbalise..you need to be like a swan..beautiful outside but nervous inside..you need to imporve on your background knowledge on every topic every news and everything..

yes..this is what i did for 4 consecutive nights..as a interpreter..translating what a person had said on the spot..it's all about communication..and the worst thing is..u need to be extrovert to be a good translator..to absorb energy from the crowd and not to be alone to feel energised..to be a somebody than a nobody..you are there to translate..not an extra person..active listening..

I finally knew how come so few people took up translation..bcos this is the most difficult part..paper translation? it's over! easy stuff is over..now is the big challenge..actually..I have never regretted taking up translation instead of Chinese for my degree..at least I learn sth new..at least I knew alot of stuff that others don't..

but sometimes..I am really really angry with myself that I couldn't join others for outing..they eat big meals..and I gotta eat bun for 4 consecutive dinner..I hadn't been home for dinner this whole week..I don't like that feeling..how come people can skip lecture and go elsewhere to play and their result is still so good..why do I need to put so much effort th e study this thing? i can go for dinner with my friends..smile..and enjoy a wonderful night..yet i'm sitting in a class draining my brain away..

and just bcos i'm angry with myself..I really wanted to go for the dinner very much..I had that thought...jaja had car accident that very night..it wasn't his fault..it's the 21 year old young girl who was coming back from New York for her school holiday..think she is not used to the left right direction and she suddenly turn from left to right..it's a down slope..jaja could not stop immediately and he flew..a few metres away...roll...and lied on the road for a few minutes..it's painful..after that he got up..blur blur and took out my new camera from his bag and took photos of his bike and the car..he called his friend for help..and after that called me and said he had an accident..i just said "orh"..den he told me the whole thing...the girl wrote down on paper that it's her fault and will pay for all expenses and all sign on it..

next day he took mc..the doc found scratches on the left shoulder and bruises on the right knee...after flying a few metres..he's still safe and sound..he was so lucky...firstly..he's in full armour..full masked head..gloves..jacket...and a soft cushion bag at the back..secondly..it's a small road..no cars pass by during the accident and he didn't knock into any other cars when he fly..thridly..he knew how to roll and minimise the impact of sliding on the floor...

when he told me he become flying jaja...both hands stretch out like a superman..whew....i can still laugh..and he can still laugh at it..when it's really so dangerous..but i dono y i'm not gan chiong at all..

but...if that day i went for the dinner..he would not have met the accident..cos he will not travel on that small road..or if he come and meet me after my lesson for supper..if i'm on the bike things will be different..if i hadn't been so sad that i can't go for the dinner and ate supper with him instead..but there isn't any ifs in life..happen means happen..

end up..he's still settling the insurance claim..cos end up the girl ask a nobody to come and talk to jaja..and said both party at fault..pay half half..if don agree end up claim third party insurance very ma fan..blah blah..jaja kana scared by him and think for a while..if he lose the case he will have to pay for the car damages...so he asked a lawyer recommended by his bike shop..the lawyer said from verbal statement..jaja won 80% already..when he saw the statement and analyse the whole thing..95% sure win de..den he don care..just claim taxi fare..then it's the other party turn to be scared..end up they say 60-40 ok? 70-30 ok? blah blah..jaja all say no no no..let them claim third party insurance and pay for everything lo..the girl dono how to settle the problem herself..house at lorong ong lai..open company de..this kind of money still want to save..still ask her parent to go and settle..if cannot bear the responsibility then don let her drive la..

aiya..dono la..anyway..as long as he's fine ok le..he's really lucky lo..think i ask him do more good deed is good de..积德..

anyway...tired le..just now memorise the skit for CNY until head big..this week head really very big..i think white hair grow alot..back pain somemore..go and sleep loh!哦！关我屁事咯！

2010-12-31T07:37:00.000-08:00

End of year

It's end of 2010...2011 is coming! Happy new year everyone! May you all live in peace..healthy..and harmony!

2010-12-15T05:43:00.000-08:00

went for kite flying..we went to shop at the supermarket..and bought a mickey mouse kite to fly.. and i found my big momo bear there too..
went to marina bay for kite flying..was really wondering if anyone dropped their kite into the water before..

the mickey mouse kite in the air..

my friend really know how to shoot..the pictures are really nice..

the mickey mouse kite has some problem..we took some time to fix it..

jaja in action..

my doraemon kite really dropped into the water..luckily te kind security man and jaja manage to save it up..but it's a little torn somewhere..need to go back and fix it..

we waitied for bus for a long time..so end up we wanted to sit on jaja bike and fetch all of us one by one to the mrt..yu ting first time on the bike..

end of our first kite flying together..

2010-12-15T05:23:00.001-08:00

Ha..I guess I haven talk about my birthday this year..

Went for a 3 day 2 night bintan trip with colleagues..been really happy with them these while...actually quite miss them during these holiday..

there's a dance to welcome us

we have a bugee to drive around as the place is big

we brought lots of titbits and snacks there..around 50 bucks ba

the scenery of our resort

everyone gets a chance to drive the bugee

fine dining..

as it's deepavali..there's fireworks to see..we're really close to the fireworks..right in front of our eyes..i was really scared that it'll hit me..

we play cards and roulette game..i still remember we added sprite..lemon tea..green tea..balis..into the cup..i'm so unlcuky to drink 3 cups of balis at one go..end up woke up in the middle of the night to puke..

went to a beautiful golf club to eat breakfast..gave polaroid to them..

we had a relaxing trip...cheeze!

2010-12-14T03:56:00.000-08:00

my trip to Japan~! 6 Dec-11 Dec 2010

We went to Osaka and Kyoto..

Reached Osaka in the evening..

We live at 24th floor..it's a 4 star hotel..cos we wanted to live near the MRT and safe... we got it t half price..100 bucks per night

The next day..went to Shinbashi to walk around..this is the famous big crab

As it's autumn...this is the first time i see yellowish falling down...what an autumn feel..

We went to near Den Den down where all the anime and manga are..and we went to one of the cosplay cafe..it's quite expensive cos once u step in..u have to pay..and u need to be 18 years old and above to go in..not bcos there's anything bad inside..it's just their rule..

the maid will only serve and accompany guys...so we have 2...and they will charge a basic charge per head..and the things that u want the maid to do...we din..cos it's really expensive..we just order some cakes and the maid drew cartoons on the plate using chocolate..

we can't anyhow take the maid photo..this is the only photo that we need to buy from them..50 bucks...normal price la..singapore taiwan oso this price..but it's a new experience lo..

due to privacy..i need to erase off my colleagues face..

when we chat with them..one of the gal is only 18...and she says she's not schooling anymore..they're all so young..i wonder what will happen to them in the future..

the next day..we took train to Kyoto

i wonder why there are so many lockers everywhere..

Kyoto is famous for the many shrine..we went to one of the shrine to take a look..

I really LOVE the red autumn leaves..枫叶

Next day..we went to their "Botanical Garden" to take a look..although there are no cherry blossom..we can still take photos...my autumn trees..

the sunray is nice!

but it's very cold although we're uner the sun cos it's windy..

at night...we went near Amerikamura to shop...my colleague says this shop is a famous shop which sells branded 2nd hand goods..

I really love their kimono and wanted to buy..

We went to the food market street to take a look...this fruit and vegetable shop is so cute..the boss will draw faces on the fruits....kawaii!!

i think this takoyaki shop is cute!

This big doraemon...is at Osaka..opposite where I live..when I look down from my window..I only saw this at the rooftop..so I went there to take a look..it's a shopping mall call hanshin..13 storey high...from 24th floor can see this doraemon..it's really big!

that's not all! i've uploaded all this pictures in facebook..=)

2010-11-22T11:51:00.001-08:00

突然间觉得每个人都变得好美好美。每个人都在改变，但我好像从以前到现在...还是一样

我还记得，一年前，time capsule，我对着镜头说：“我要让自己变得更有自信。”

我需要这个自信，让我更加好地完成需要做的工作。

对，我觉得我进步了一小点，可是还是不够快。

自信能够带我到很远很远的地方...

有做不完的工作要做，放假可别叫我出去。

年底了，大家都在讲花红。

对我来说：有什么分别？多的钱还是当家用。

大家的钱都多了，我还是一样：一个月六百包到完。

突然发现，连年纪比我小的老师赚的钱还比我多，可是到头来，最忙还是我

难道我要大声说一声：不公平？？

哈...怨天尤人不是我的风格，生不带来死不带去。

我...可以向自己保证∶我不会因为钱而烦恼，更不会吵架，那不是我，我最讨厌为钱吵架

可是，还是有很多人想不开

汽车，房子，什么都有了，然后呢？

凌晨三点，还有人在学校网站，和我讨论工作。

我好累，可是我是开心的...

2010-11-09T09:28:00.001-08:00

我，薛美华，已经24岁，过了两个十二年，相信已经了无遗憾，不枉此生

我很庆幸，到现在仍然是活着的，至少我不会有窒息的感觉

我很喜欢现在的朋友，工作，生活

这一切的一切是上天给我的，有些事情就是注定的，有这么多就是这么多

还有什么事实需要用吵的，不能好好说吗

我爱独处，我爱自由，我爱蓝天，我爱绿草，我爱海边

希望能够有一天，我能放下心中的大石，无忧无虑地向前奔跑

saw my friend having fun with his camera and took down beautiful pictures..
http://footprintzofthepast.blogspot.com/

me too..i wanted to try out taking beautiful pictures..i will..when i have the time to buy a camera and go to beautiful places to try out all the shots..to catch beautiful moments..before that...i'll make sure i take 10,000 pictures first before i buy a really professional camera..

my height does give me some problem in the angle...i will take note

2010-11-03T11:53:00.001-07:00

Enjoyed my morning today...

As mum is in hospital..i'm alone at home..woke up an hour earlier to do housework..sweep the floor..tidy up fo2 zhuo1..wash clothes..do everything by myself..

i enjoyed the moment when i ate my breakfast..listening to soft music..reading the new paper...just by myself..

yes..i'm a typical scorpio..

there are lots of things that u need to take note when u're leaving the house..make sure gas not on...windows closed..power switch off..refill my water bottle..lock the door before i come out..

although there are many things ahead for me to do..i shouldn't fear..i shd face it bravely..and don underperform

went round and round today becos of an answer to the exam question paper..

jaja is sad cos he's p2 nt doing well..

i'm happy because my LALA class can actually get A1 from fail to pass..

life is really full of ups and downs for diff ppl..

looking forward to the bintan trip..japan trip..and another short trip towards end of the year..trips and trips and trips!

but first..i need to get over with my exam..

i'm turning 24..new challenges coming..i need to know what i want and what i can do first with a chain on my leg..before i can start doing..

most importantly..i should try to let go of myself..

2010-11-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

Mum has been admitted to the hospital today...she wanted to go although doctor say it's nt necessary has her fever has subsided and stable..she has been coughing very badly and couldn't take it...

Sis says after testing and x ray...her white blood cell is high..which means she has infection..in the lungs..so it's better to stay for observation..wanted to stay in ward B but need to wait for quite long..so doctor suggest she go for the 24 hour observation ward..if everything's ok she can go home aft that..

i'm quite surprised that she took initiative to go hospital...as she has been afraid to go for any major checkup..at least nw do a thorough checkup..cos she old oredi..infection very fast will get worsen..so it's better to stay for observation..she don wan us to visit her but only sis..but she don wan sis to stay overnight there..we don want to leave her alone..scared she'll be frighten or afriad..as she's sick..she might be mentally unstable..so it's better to stay with her..

jaja ask me to go and visit her tmr morning..but mum oredi say don..as弟子规says..居有常业无变...which means do not change ur everyday routine of living..so that ur parents won be worried..so these few days..i did my own stuff..trying nt to react abnormally and trying to keep everything normal..she oso wouldn't want us to worry for her..but i knew she wanted the attention of someone to care for her..protecting myself from not getting sick is oso a way of not letting her worry..if i'm sick..she's even more worried..i knew she will..

suddenly i have breathing difficulty..and i don't why...must relax....relax..

2010-10-31T06:50:00.000-07:00

Mama sick until very jialat..she has been very xin ku..miserable since Friday nite..and coughing..and weeping...cough until her nose bleed..she cannot take it..and she cries and cries..she did not sleep a wink cos she coughs through the nite..friday went to see doctor not well..sun morning went back bcos she couldn't just buy medicine like that..

i couldn't understand her misery....doctor say she has 气管炎...it's different from her last time cough..now is infecting the pipe..if her fever is still not down..she'll have to go to the hospital tmr..sis will take urgent paid leave..

i couldn't experience her misery...i had the same illness as her..cough until very jialat..in pain..cough through the nite..but i can't understand why she's so serious until she cry...while i always try to hide it up and not to let er or others in the family noe how serious i am..i will just eat medicine and medicine and no matter how miserable i'll just weep by myself..she..will cry until the whole neighbourhood knows that she's crying..i couldn't blame her..cos she has a weak heart and weak mind and she really couldn't take it..

when there's someone who has long term illness..yelling and whining..everyone in the family won be happy..and maybe..sometimes..irritated..i tried to care..but she just want to stay away from me so that i won get infected..

i still remember the last time during secondary school..she sick until she weeped..i kneel in front of the god and prayed that she could transfer half of her illness to me..yes..i did succeed..but why nt this time..i guess i need to pray harder for it..

but the thing is...我自身难保..can't afford to get sick either..so many stuff for me to do..maybe the dilemna in me that's y..which responsibility shd i let go..i guess for this crucial month i'm really nt prepare to suffer for the sake of my mum...or can i just owe it first and pay back later..haha..it's nt as simple as that..

it's a very silly thought..rite..

these few days have been thinking alot about the past..the sad past..of mum..the family..and me..recalled alot of things..i knew i shouldn't be thinking about it..but under this situation..i couldn' stop thinking..it just affects everyone's mood..

i pray very very hard for her to get well..pray she can settle her mind and let go of all her pessimistic thoughts and be neutral for it to recover..i pray she can mind over body like me to win the battle..and i really really pray......the person dealing with the battle.....will be me ....

2010-10-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

mama coughing very very badly..really very badly..the virus keep spreading between dad and mum..mum cough until nose got blood..she blames dad for going to the casino to work..it's nt for us to earn..they have being taking "shifts" to be sick..and dad..he denied all resposibility that he spread it to mum..mum has oredi somehow got well..aft tt kana again..he keeps thinking that he's nt his fault..everything all not his fault..and all he does is scold her..curse her to go and die...wad did he care..he doesn't noe any hygiene..cough still eat cold and spicy stuff..nvr covers his mouth..

today..sis says: u better see properly who u're going to marry..if nt u'll suffer for ur whole life..marrying such a 大男人..suffer all her life..

the thought of all this..my mind flickers a scene where dad really drove mum to death..how shd i treat my dad..will i ever forgive him..

yes..i have phobia..一生被这个家锁绑着...什么也不能够安心做...there's no way to free myself up..i couldn't think of any..ppl can happily go out and play..i can't..at the back of my mind there's always school work and family for me to dwell on..it's just like in this family..there will only be the 4 of us suffering..no more..no less..there's no way to get any one of us out..all of us are trapped together..this is the feeling that we're all getting..nothing will change..cos they don want any changes..this bad "kharma" keeps rotating in the family..and it just won stop..i can't leave either..if i get out..i'll be shot to death by my guilt for leaving them behind..that kind of 沉重的心情 no matter how just won go away..

just like now..in the middle of the night..mum is coughing..can't sleep properly..we don dare to sleep..sis is purposely sleeping in the living room so that she noes when mum calls..the crying and yelling from mum in the middle of the night..is pessimistic and depression just seep through all of us in the house..i tried to go out..i tried to run away..but even if i leave the house the echoing of the cries will still be there..it reminds me of during one of the times when i'm in secondary school and she's weeping in front of me that she's gg to die..miserably..

a "palmist" who read my palm says ".....u underperform..u have a conservative family that ties you up"...i knew wad he meant..some things are just fated even when u're born..........

yes..i rather have a life with ups and downs..let me experience the pain and suffering that many others don..in order for me to really grow in the mind..and the heart..

2010-10-30T11:05:00.001-07:00

these days have been going out alot with my colleagues...ha..we've become really good friends..

i still remember we went chalet..with club...and this week is a packed week for us..cos everything...we do together..one cannot make it we don go..if go all must go..

last week..went ktv la...eat la..this and that la..hee..

this week..mon...pei yu ting watch paranomal activity 2..i don watch ghost movie de..but pei her watch..4 of us all go together...it's scary...jaja is laughing at us 3 gals using hands and jacket to cover..he says see us is more fum than looking at the movie..become comedy liao..

after that we went tcc...we became "eat. watch movie. talk crap." i think the waiter kana scare by us...cos first we ask him how tall..den we talk crap alot..ha..

tue...becos of the "eat. watch movie. talk crap" lise jio us go watch eat pray love..very ad hoc de..during we teach we'll go to each other's class and call us out..oi..today go watch movie leh..den go liao.. end up after school we went out again..

wed..cos need to go school..so can't go out...thu..bought breakfast for all of us to eat while mark compo...at night..we came out again to mark compo together at 24 hr hong kong cafe...lise ask her sis to come out and eat with us..while marking we boss about who's yu ting is gg to meet ltr at night..trying to dig out some of her "affairs"..tt guy did ask her out on her bdae..but she's got a date with us next week..hee..

all of us are looking forward to our bintan trip..hee..

but i have have my exams at the back of my mind..i do worry about it..

jiayou lo!

2010-10-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

Today,a student went crazy n doesn't want to go for lesson..i held him down..and drag him back to the classroom..he went for counselling..

these days there's alot of student getting crazy..hitting ppl up..and pushing the teachers away..even in p1..

wad kind of world is this now?

2010-10-19T03:36:00.000-07:00

These few days.....was testing 8 classes for music..used up all my free period to test them..it's like having 11 periods straight down..it's really very tiring..but there's no other time to test them..need to do it before psle marking period...

fri...only 3 periods free..went to this class..that class..and finally end of the day..mon..meet in the morning..again...11 periods down...i saw many pairs of eyes looking at me when i go up and down the stairs and walked pass them so many times...and sitting outside the classroom like punishing the kids...everyone is looking at what i am doing...mon nite..went to temple as there's duty..i just doze off and didn't listen to the lecture..i really couldn't help it..

on the way back..there's only me and my dad..it's a 10 min long walk including climbing a tall overhead bridge..i did not say a word..or look at him either..the "开心果" in me is really tired..tired until i don wan to say a word..i just walk and walk..anf fell asleep immediately when i sat at the sofa until the next morning again..

i'm afraid of exams..this is the first time i did not touch any of my textbooks..and my assignment got the lowest out of all that i did last time..even though i asked others to do double check for me..kana scolded for my poor language..but it's really difficult to handle both school and work..my kids are having exam soon..i should prepare them well..but..i knew i did not do my very best..if nt they would have done better..wad i can only do is to wish and hope that they are hardworking enuff to go and revise themselves..两头不到岸...again..

2010-10-13T15:24:00.000-07:00

吵，吵，吵，吵多一点。静，静，静，不要再吵了。凌晨6点，像公鸡一样，大家都起来了。真好！

2010-10-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

this week is really tough...

mon...reached school at 8am to mark p3 compo....and for the whole week need to reach school by 8am for oral....really work from morning til nite...plus going to school...but i'm oredi very fortunate...if i din go for my nite class..all teachers are complaining that it's a hell week..for me..as long as there's no nite class for me..no assignment for me to hand in..everything will be very fine..i don mind all the tons of school work i have..one assignment can just pull half of my time out on it..now is the phobia of exam coming and i din even touch any of the textbooks at all...

sigh..sometimes i really wonder y get married..if one party is very keen and the other is not..doesn't it seems to feel lonelier if u're just the only one who's happy about it and the other one is not...does the person u're going to spend with really treat u well? or influecing each other negatively? i somehow oredi see some stuff...some haven get married tgt..i can see their divorce as an ending..or either one suddenly throw temper and everything is cancelled on the day of marriage..should i really go and bless them even if i knew it's nt a good ending? i really tot of it for a very very long time whether i shd go for their wedding..or not..

everything exist for a reason...maybe some things u gotta experience it before u knew what's really good for u..

2010-10-09T00:39:00.000-07:00

these few weeks i at least ate alone once a week during weekends...

last week went to sakae sushi to eat after gym for lunch...

this week...went to suki sushi eat after marking in school..

u noe why i choose japan sushi restaurant?

cos most of the time if u wana eat alone...sushi shop will have the bar counter to sit and u can eat by urself without being disturb..even if u play iphone games..those who came alone will go into sushi shop instead of other places...u won feel odd at all!

just saw another guy sitting next to my table..eating alone too..but i'm more blissed to have my iphone to accompany me..there are so many games that u can play...sometimes i don even noe how to use it..there's pros and cons to it la..as it's Apple product..

saw this photo gallery at the cathay..

there tons of stuff that i need to do..so i really need to take a break and have a good lunch to pamper myself a little..and it only cost less than 10bucks per meal...why not..

2010-09-20T17:31:00.000-07:00

recently..my health's not very good..and to count myself unlucky or not..i slipped and fell down when i came out of the shower..mum's cutting vege at the basin..i went there to throw rubbish and i dono y..i got bruises all over my leg..i oso dono how i fell..there's just big bruises here and there..

been coughing for more than a month..mum says becos i sit on bike.tt's y breathe in lotsa dust..and that's y i've been coughing since i sat on jaja's bike..

fri....mooncake festival celebration...actually on that day i was already not feeling well..as the weather was cold in the morning..raining heavily..i felt that i'm having fever...but yet i stayed throughout the day..and til night time when the mooncake festival is over around 8plus..went back home..felt hungry..and jaja boom me to vege stall which open until late night to eat supper..we sat there to eat and watch movie at the same time with our laptop..

sat..wanted to go and see doctor..but the usual cinic that i went is a female doc..the previous doc that i saw but din cure me..so i went to the 2nd one..but he anyhow say want to open then open..end up he din open for sat and sun...so i dragged til mon to see doctor..i rather wait and see the doctor that can cure me than one that doesn't cure..

mon morning..actually he already presscribed the medicine for me..and he called me in again and said he dono if he shd send me to go for x ray when he saw my previous visit is 6 sep..so i've been coughing for more than a month...mum still lied to the doctor and said i did stop in between..so that i don need to go for x ray..she say it isn't serious..don need to go for x ray..when i took my medicine..the cashier says the doctor wants to see me on friday...which means if i doesn't get well on friday..i'll have to go for x ray..in a way this doctor is responsible la..that's y i like to see this doctor..

i wanted to force myself to school..my colleagues saw me coughing so badly and asked me to go back..so i planned my 2 day work abruptly and went back..mum say lucky i went back cos i was coughing very badly..

i tried to force myself to sleep..but the cough stopped me..the doctor says the medicne is very strong and will put me to sleep..but it didn't...i sat on the bed lying vertically to sleep..i tried to meditate and breathe..this calm me down and i stopped coughing and coughed lesser..and i slept..

at night..i somehow stopped coughing..but i kept sneezing my head off...and i started to get fever..after noon i had vomitted my medicine out cos i was coughing to badly..til late night..i felw like vomiting again..antibiotic effect..my stomach was empty cos i ate very little..so i drank milo and went to sleep..

i still remember when i was in primary school i had the same problem..cough til too badly..went for x ray..high fever..and stayed in hospital...wrapped with cold towel..for a few days i can't go to school..drip water...i don wan to experience that again..i don want my school to send me basket of fruits..i shouldn't be thinking of coughing will let me slim down..yes..i did slim down..but i don want the cough back anymore..

2010-09-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

with the colleagues

these days i'm quite close with my colleagues...went lots of outing with them...

went for 2 day 1 night chalet

bbq-ing under the rain..

cycling..

playing with swing

saw mediacorp people taking some photos at the swing..we couldn't take our photo properly while sitting on the swing cos it gets blurred...den one of the photographers came to take photo for us..and wanted to sell us one photo 50 bucks..haha..

eating macdonalds..(i ate kids meal and got my toys again..hello kitty!)

take neoprints...

went to st james on a wednesday nite...
cheers!

ha...really had lotsa fun with them..hope we have time for more!

2010-09-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

had great fun at dyb pri outing..was playing water with the kids at marina barrage and fly kite..it's a sunny day..that week...it rained everyday..except sunday..hee..really god bless..

it's teacher's day again..as usual..our school wanted children to "be youself" and wear anything u want

took lots of photos as i wanted to give them as children's day gift..

and not forgetting the presents they gave me..think i'm one of the few who received the most present no matter how many times i told them not to give anything..cos i can't finish using everything..2 CL class..1 CME class..8 music class..thanks a lot for the effort they had put in..

went for the card making workshop...had fun doing the card that i made for hui jun..hee..

busy with assignment again..and school stuff..sleeping 3 to 4 hours daily again..it's school holiday..a week for me to get sick before i chiong again for the next term..

i keep coughing after i sit jaja's bike..probably breath in too much dust..i rested at home for some time before going to wild wild wet and play with my colleagues..going batam during weekend..i know there are many things that i never do and deadline is coming..i'll try to pia finish and get well before i go for my small trip..^_^

2010-08-30T21:10:00.001-07:00

看到别人幸福美满的家庭生活，忽然感到鼻子一阵酸......

2010-08-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

starting to get busy again..

after that 10 days of "break" in school...(national day..project work..don need to teach..so threw lotsa homework for them to do)..my retribution is back..pile up again..plus lesson observation gotta prepare..assignment due..schedule is packed too..temple..school..unisim...and i realise i really don have much time to do my assignment..therefore..the best time to do is at nite where no one will disturb me cos everyone is asleep..lucky..this time the assignment is easier..i hope i can finish it suisui..

i'm trying to press my cough down..eating lotsa chinese medicine..trying everything out..can't eat those western drowsy ones..i need my time to do my work..maybe after next week ba..or holiday..den i'll let myself sick..now cannot..must negotiate with my own body to stay strong at this period..

many other stuff for me to do..but i still have fun out of it..

a few p1 kids told me "薛老师，你今天穿得很漂亮。”

it's worth it..

2010-08-09T03:38:00.001-07:00

It's national day today..I'm staying at home for the whole day..couldn't go out..dad and sis went to temple for the whole day..so staying at home to pei mum is my job for the day..jaja came to pei me..bought nice veg chicken rice from serangoon ave 1 for me to eat..

trying hard to do my assignment..i dono how to do..really..cos i just attended one lecture..and assignment due this coming sun..where the 2nd lecture is on sat due to national day today..i can feel the stress coming again..yes..i did slack abit..cos i really dono how to do it..if nt would have done it long time ago..

when i was doing my assignment..again.mum is trying to talk to me..and asking me for opinion..talk about my bf..this and that..i really coudln't concentrate..but she needed someone to be there to talk to..rather than staying at home for the whole day...lunar 7th month is coming..hope her condition doesn't get worsen..

i had a boy in school..i think there's really sth wrong with him..his dad is taking him to SMH it see doctor..and his dad told us that his mum is also mentally unstable..dat's y the dad feels that it spreads to the kid..

sometimes..i feel i do have something wrong with my mind..thinking of stuff that i shouldn't think...but that's in the past..i stop fantasizing for a long time..even if i do..i know what i am doing..not like when i'm still young i always wish and wanted it to be real and trying to make it to be real..i can say i grew out of it..but isn't it good to fantasize sometimes? as long as u can differentiate the fake from reality..

must really try to concentrate..eye and hand for assignment..ear for mama and tv..

You know..I do really love Singapore in my heart..where can be better than Singapore..I mean..yes we are small..u don have much place to go..but to me it's already very good..compare to other countries..yes..u may want to go overseas for a trip..or wanted to go study or work abroad..but I will still like Singapore no matter wad..it's safe..and everyone is given equal treatment..wad more can u ask for..

Happy Birthday...my old friend..

2010-08-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

July Updates!

It’s another enriching month for me..I’m feeling so happy that my school hasn’t started yet..and my time is not so packed and I can do wadeva I wanted to at my own pace..hee

After the many band practices..finally..it’s over! I get to go into kallang indoor stadium again one week after the SYF..FIR Concert! It’s their 2nd concert..They came last year..but the response is also good..and the money all goes to Guang Ming Shan..so take it as a donation la..hee..

this light stick cost 6 bucks...but very bright!

Stephanie is here as a guest..yeah!

celebrating her birthday!

the cake is done by fay

nice!

Rushing the camp videos..finally..it’s ready! But din manage to play everything during the camp cos of time constraints..everyone had a fun time..if only my dad went for the camp too..

Jaja bought the bike on mon…and I’m being forced to ride on the bike cos the other biker don wana let me ride on his..ok la..as wad he says..doesn’t look good la..shd sit on jaja’s bike..I was like so stress up..the p and vp is at the door when we went out of the school gate..opps..We both like it a lot la..just that it’s not so comfortable under the hot sun..gotta prepared to be black… ok la..he’s a safe rider la..he’ll always look at the speed occasionally so that he won tend to speed up without knowing..(shh…my family doesn’t want me to ride on his bike so soon)

Brought the P1 out for zoo trip..it’s fun actually..those naughty ones are not that naughty..(miracle)

School is starting soon..and before it starts..I already start to get nightmares on forgetting to hand in my assignment..blah blah..I realize it’s so wonderful to just teach and no school for me..I feel so much happier..

Recently..went to NUS camp..just join in as a “senior”..and I realize..there’s really a gap in between..I realize my thoughts are really more matured..and jaja says..must also take into consideration that I came out to work earlier..it really makes a person more mature with more working experience..

2010-07-05T11:05:00.000-07:00

this is the advertisement that the dybers have done..used one day to film..all of us like the last scene..where there's the "feel" in it..hee

2010-07-01T02:44:00.000-07:00

Everytime i look at the updates on facebook about rsp elders.i feel like going back to join their activity..to talk to the elders once again..it's fun..my group of ppl are still there..going to graduate..but i have so many to consider...school band....dyb..i really couldn't make it..

these few days is really crazy...band is taking up alot of my time..it's been days..there are many days from 7am to 7pm...and even from noon till 10pm during weekend..i'm really sorry..i really tried my best to rush the stuff that i owe others..sleeping 2 hours a day..but it's still nt enuff..

i can't see my kids..i got the weakest p1 class..they need more time and guidance from me..the permanent teacher.. than any other thing..having relief is not enough..i really want to spend quality time with them..but when the other same weak class teacher told me..she uses 3 period just to teach one word “我”...i was relieved..

i'm the in charge to start up teaching 弟子规 in school...it's sth that i like..tat's y i'm enthu about it..and that's y the responsibility becomes mine..i need resources..the right resources for me to move on..

yes i'm tired..but my heart is still going..i'll try my best to do whatever i can..

2010-06-25T07:06:00.000-07:00

june updates!

it's been a packed and fruitful june holidays for me!

Week 1: School meeting week

weekday: scourses..meetings...in school..
weekends: sat went for dyb filming..jaja is acting the ah beng scene..hee..

Week 2: Meet friend week

Tue: went universal studio with mbs colleagues..it was fun..getting wet!

the hershey is big!

to holloywood

the famous shrek!

they like shrek alot

big belly just like me..hee..hug hug!

jurassic park..rawr!

touching the dinosaur

donkey live!

digital donkey interacting with the audience

interacting with the donkey

it is cute!

kana punched!

welcome to the MADAGASCAR!

the red pill? or the blue pill?

the mummy ride is scary!

posing in the rain

audience!

old alleys

the famous gingerman!

the madagasacr family!

oldies!

the world's greatest teacher award..goes to you!

monolisa spotted!

there's no u-turn..on the road...and in life

palm reader

AHHHH!!!!!!

toottoo train..

happile ever after castle..

the big hershey's! u won be able to finish it..

and that's..the universal studio..

you can take the train to sentosa using ez link!

Wed: lunch @ bugis with mbs ppl

Thu: went out with nie frens to choose birthday presents

Fri: Met my BOB fren for k at clarke quay...gave her a "Teacher's Tool kit" for encouraging her to join teaching

Sat: went for DYB filming again, and after tat went to watch karate kid movie at suntec. there're lotsa ppl as there's IT fair..den rush back to temple cos gt duty

dyb in action

Sun: DYB day..from 6 to 6 again

Week 3: Overseas week

Tue: Pre-batam outing. played cards at rachel's house. Ate vege dumpling that her mum made, ate nice chicken rice at Serangoon North Ave 2 Blk 501..eat at vege sensation..had a nice day..

Wed: went JB..5 of us..we change 100 bucks but couldn't finish..went to do manipedicure..nice nice! sang ktv..the sound is superb cos it's BMB sound system! din bring popular card..if nt can buy those cute cute stuff at member price

vege bento set

my painted toes

Fri-Sun: went batam! this time went to beach view resort..but end up we din play any water sports..had A&W..root beer float..spa..highlight hair..and play game at nite..Went to play go-kart again! immediately after i came back..played mahjong with family..i play and fell asleep at the same time..it's family time la..so i try to dong all the way..until they keep calling me up when it's my turn..i cannot take it..den won the last game and end the day..

see how happy they are..

dueling

that's the tortoise we've won

manage to squeeze in..hee..

dyed my hair..

hee..playing a little prank while sleeping

go-kart

wee!

hee...this is funny..like stealing food to eat..

Week 4: Last week

Mon: I din bath after coming back to batam..cos too tired le..very e e hor..ya..i noe..in the morning..packed my stuff and donated to the salvation army..den find the weather hot..so went to shop at ntuc..we bought a trolley of stuff..over 50bucks..we just keep on taking..even thou i battery flat le..and i just sleep through the day until bath at night..my sis more e e...2 days nvr bath le..haha..the dirty worm is spreading..

to the salvation army

buying brinja to cook curry

opps..i think we bought too much

yeah! i saw doraemon yoghurt milk..so cute!

Tue: Meeting in the morning again..den went to vivo meet nie frenz..we ate at 黑社会..the name is cool man..and there's even vegetarian menu somemore..bought birthday presents for the birthday girls..and sing k again! went daiso to shop for awhile and ate mushroom soup..

my vege porridge

the bracelet I've bought..suddenly like circle circle stuff nowadays

Wed: went back to school for band duty..we went to home team academy to practice with bendemeer for SYF opening ceremony..it's raining cats and dogs..

Thu: went cycling with jaja early in the morning..another final rest day before school starts again..

Fri: Meeting again in school. My bob fren msg me that she's in bendemeer band..and coming to my school tmr..I'm so happy to hear that..cos I'm being assign to be on duty tomorrow..i can see her..yeah! her msg really made me feel very happy and charged me up..i can get to see her for these couple of weeks..it's so good to be able to work with ur long real good frenz..den i can show her to my table..and jaja's table..and the whole school..hee..

Sat: will be having band duty in the morning..and showing my fren around the school and everything..so excited! after that will go for DYB filming in the afternoon..

Sun: DYB. continue to do filming..need to rush le..luckily the advertisement is up..

what I need to do now is get myself working again..and not to miss my sleep bcos of drama..

2010-05-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

Friday is "Eat with your family day"..finish school at 5pm...but the thing is I choose to eat with myself instead of my family..

Went to TCC alone and ate 20 bucks stuff just by myself..ha..actually it's quite cosy sitting there alone to read my storybooks..order my favourite drink...wedges..soup..and just sit there nua-ing..

i remembered when i was in secondary school..i'll just do the same time after school...went to toa payoh mac and sit at the second floor..eat my fries dip in ice cream cone..and just sit there to nua in the afternoon.. sitting beside the glass window...looking out at the ppl walking past..feel so good..

sometimes it's good to be alone after a busy day..just to have some time for yourself...and not just hee hee haa haa everyday with everyone..

这就是我...能够自己让自己幸福的我...

2010-05-24T04:11:00.000-07:00

finally...I"VE FINISHED MY EXAMS!!!

and next..is my piles of books..

as i'm trying to relax after exam..i "cyberstalk" the others from facebook...

just see how the others are getting on with their life..some were doing very well..while many others are striving hard in their lifes with work and exams...

my dream lover: engaged to his love one, happily ever after

1st bf: after the death of his last gf, remain single for a year...and recently popped out another gf..shd be his 10++th..

2nd bf: found attached and broke long time ago..

other crushes: some single, some attached

i keep feeling that i still lived in the past..and don wan to let go..don want to forgive myself of those things that i've done wrong..what others did to me..and forget about it..yes..time will heal..but things that have happened before..how will I forget..i'm still trying hard to accept myself for who I am..accept my past..accept my present..be my true self and live on..

everyone is moving on..what am I doing? am I moving on too? or still at the same old spot without change? should i change anything to make myself comfortable? am i comfortable with the way I am now? can i just go for what i want? or heed advices before I take my step...? the "no no no" that my family gave me in the past...i still could not walk out of it..they don like doesn't mean i cannot do it..am i just too obedient until i dono how to break through? do i have any feelings for myself to take care of myself and take care of the things that i wanted? if i can live to be "Janice Sit Mei Hwa"..I would be a much more happy person than the lock that was given by my family long ago..given me the keys to unlock the lock..but so used to it until i dono how to unlock myself..or rather..after unlocking wad am i going to do..

live if full of question marks..

it's time to let go of some stuff..no point not letting go..because you can't go back to the same as the past..no one will ever be the same as yesterday..

i sincerely wish you all the best and happily ever after..

2010-05-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

it will be my last paper for tomorrow..i really don feel like studying for it..firstly..wad the lecturer says she doesn't follow the notes..den oso not sure wad the teacher is talking about..den i got quite low marks for the assignment..dono is teacher problem or the module problem..last time i also took the module she's teaching..and oso scored not high marks for it..i'm a little scared..but i dono how to prepare..english to chinese translation..

today had a fun time filming "dettol" advertisement..actually the focus is on care for each other..between parents and child..just that we use an advertisement to show it out..and the focus is on the hand..

it's so funny when i first became the " pregnant mother"..me and one of the guy touching on the big belly of mine...we took this one shot of us touching the belly for the whole morning..den..chcnged into another role of being the "match-maker" during tea ceremony...and being the passer by at the end..haha..it's so funny when we watch it..but there're still lotsa stuff to do..one more interview and a musical to do..this is the project we're going to do..ha..there's many many things to get busy with these june holiday..

and i haven been to school for a long time..dono wad's going on and how much things i've owed other ppl..i can imagine i'll get haunted once i step into the school...

ever since i started studying..now i rather choose to mark tons of books den studying for exam..it's so so difficult and time consuming..compared to marking where work is done..studying can just go on and on without ending..

it's going to be over soon..jiayou!

ppl aim for 40/100 marks to pass..i aim for GPA 3.5 to study for honours...should i just lower my standard and forgo my thought of honours? but i really wish to take it if possible..i wanted to learn more..but to balance out everything..i can spend less time to revise if it just a minimal pass..it'll balance out all my time for everything..

see how it goes..although i can feel that luck is on my side..i cross my fingers and give it my best shot!

2010-05-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

it's so scary when u open you email and found many many emails coming to you and all of them n need to mark them as "priority" "starred" "important" "urgent"...

i dono when must parents need to book their child for an appointment to go our or do things..

just like my sis..i don wad shd's doing..she's just busily playing a facebook and sleeping on the sofa every day..and she din have the time to do some stuff for mum..and it's so angry to hear that.."who ask you not to book me" when mum oredi said a few days ago she needed help from her...

well..at least she makes an effort to eat lunch with us..i noe she needed the time for herself..but shouldn't waste time like this when she noe she doesn't have enuff time..

one last paper..i have no mood to study for it..left 12 hours to study..lol..

2010-05-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

这几天...与家长见面......加上现在是我考试的紧要关头......实在很忙......我所有的批改已经停止...需要批改的练习桌上已经两座山...家里还有一大包...

这两天的家长会...与家长交谈...让我更了解自己...

妈妈常说，当老师就要有当老师的样子，我太小孩子气了。于是我总是不能接受自己现在这个样子，一直觉得很别扭。我一直想和像我这个年纪一样...24岁就要有24岁的模样，不应该是现在那么矮小，那么孩子气，看起来不够严肃，不够认真。可是就是因为妈妈一直说的话，让我一直接受不了我现在这个孩子气的我，所以做什么都不顺心。在见家长之前，妈妈还嘱咐我，和家长谈话时要凶一点，严肃一点，这让我更加紧张。那根本不是我，如果我还要去扮演一个不认识的我，那不是会更紧张吗。可是这几天，我都没这么做，因为我根本没有时间准备需要和家长说什么，或伪装自己。我就这样上场了。

就这样，一直讲...一直讲...好多老师都说到不够气，头晕，声音沙哑...一个接一个，连喝口水的时间都没有。

其实我不知道，也不记得自己说了些什么。有些话从我嘴巴里说出来我也觉得很惊讶。怎么会说得那么好呢?我不是说自己夸自己，但是我所用的词语，表达，各方面。我平时都不会表达，不会说的，就这样说出来了。我也不知道，就觉得很自然。

虽然他们一直说不够时间，不可以和家长聊太久，我也不管。就一直和他们聊，有些还聊得蛮开心的。就闲聊，这样我才能把孩子们在班上的情形很确实地说出来。也不知道为什么，我觉得感同身受。虽然那不是我的孩子，可是聊起孩子的品行时，似乎和他们产生了共鸣。有些时候我差一点要哭出来，因为碰到了一位很尽责的妈妈，但孩子却态度不认真，觉得她真的很伟大。

父母也有自己的困难需要去克服面对，有些也不知道要怎么教。很多家长问我：怎么办？

结果，家长会完了之后，我回去班上问他们：怎么办。看着父母们一个个担心的脸，我这是真的很想好好骂醒他们，可是说了很多次，都没有用，结果只有我自己一个人感动，同学们只是坐在那里听。听了，就过了。

认真的孩子不管怎样弱，还是会有进步。如果自己心态不正确，怎么学也是假的。我一直和他们说道理，无非是想让他们调整自己的心态，让他们从中领悟。可是他们年纪太小了，讲了又忘了，不过我相信对某些学生还是会有用的。虽然我一直吓他们说他们靠得很差，但这次他们的平均分数我还是感到非常满意的。

做回自己才是最重要的，一切都会很顺利^_^

2010-05-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

我是含着泪水......走进学校......被批评指责......就因为......我身负重任......

2010-05-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

i very pek chek today..pek chek until i wana bang on the wall le..

everything is giving me so much headache..i really wish i could go out for a jog now...although it's the end of the day and should be tired..i'm full of anger and frustration..i need to give out all my eneergy to cool down..but i coulsn't..cos i gotta go home immediately to eat my dinner if not phone calls from home will keep coming me to rush home for dinner..if nt dono for wad reason will quarrel again just becos i reach home late for dinner..

once i reach home..heard mum daying dad asking her to die for no reason as dad couldn't explain anything at all why he scolded mum..

in school..i dono why kana malign for leaking out exam question when the question is a mock paper question..den hod see me...reporting officer see me..den i gotta explain for the whole thing before i go out for lunch and after i come back..oredi spend alot of time on it lo..i dono why they so scared about it..me? leak question? for wad? for the sake of my own students? siao ah..if i'm such a teacher i would have climb until dono where oredi rather than keep on thinking to become a part time teacher..before that i don feel anything de..until so many ppl come to see me about this thing and i feel the stress pressing on me and wanting to have an explanation from me..the only thing that i can say is the setter used my mock paper to do exam..so maybe din change one of the question..and i oso forgot wad is the exam paper and mock paper..and the other vetter told her previous school was not so strict..

after the explanation..i'm so glad that the teachers understand wad i'm toking about..although i noe i din express myself enuff about this thing cos i don find anything wrong about it and i dono wad kind of answer they want..

but the glad thing is my autistic kid need another 0.07% to pass his paper when he din write any number on the listening compre paper..

saying nothing doesn't mean that u won kana anything..or rather..u might be maligned for sth tt is not true..

2010-05-03T03:11:00.000-07:00

it's been a week since i on my home computer..so i din log in to my facebook or whatsoever for the whole week too..just check my school one occassionally..

these few days holiday..so I have more time to do my stuff..actually these few days I spent most of the time with my family..went out to eat..shop...and play arcade..my parents play basketball..

but very fed up man..sis is always complaining about this and that..she herself is also no good lo..and she dare to complain..keep saying she cannot finish marking..ask dad to help her mark..wah liew..dad is so old oredi..he can mark on the chair until fell asleep lo..how can she do that..and she keeps sleeping..talk on phone..use computer..she not in good mood anyhow shoot..shoot at me..shoot at everybody..i not shuang..so i shoot back too la..den parents sided me..cos she's really in the wrong..

exam is coming..i haven study abit..

the teacher's worked hard..the students have always been working very hard..the teachers complain alot of work to mark..the students too complain that they have lots of work to do...they complaint the teacher did not mark their work..but one teacher gotta mark 40 students' work..if there's work everyday..how can the teachers finish marking...

if don like it..just heck..but can "heck" really solve the problem? haha..everyone will be hecking if it does solve..

2010-04-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

3 of us in the house on medication today..which is 75% of the total ppl in the house..more than 50%...that's a lot..sis is sick..having fever..and again..not taking her shower and slept on the sofa till morning..

before that..it was me..who had diarrea...and forced myself to go to sch though doctor gave me mc..too many things to settle..once i reach sch..bombarded by other teachers about marking scheme..amendment of worksheet...and gotta climb up and down to seek advice from the other teachers..i tot i could take it..cos usually even doctor gave me mc i won take..run run jump jump will be ok..but who knows..2nd period..i'm oredi feverish..i walked slowly to the staffroom to pop a panadol down..leaving the kids behind for awhile..it's miserable..but others will kana relief..i thot...since it's friday i just give them some work to do and don need to teach much..anyway..i manage to dong all the way until jaja send me home..we took taxi..as i gotta carry my guitar and boardgames that i brought back home..i couldn't take it myself..almost everyday one of the teachers will suan him..wah..today with two girls..yesterday with three gals..blah blah blah..

what if tomorrow i'm not a teacher?

what if i'm getting married tomorrow?

what if i drop out of school?

what if i suddenly decide to go overseas for studies?

what if i go overseas for attachment?

what if i'm being fault for not doing my job well?

what if someone push me to become a scapegoat?

what if...what if...what if..

大家都累了......但每一天都说......还好...还好

大家都有话想说......但把话放在心里的人是否过得更好

不说...怎么知道你和大家也是如此呢

同理心...产生共鸣

heaven has always been helping me alot..i really appreciate it..at many times..cut short my waiting time for bus..pours after i reach my destination..and let everything run smoothly..and always giving me what i need..how lucky i am to have you..i just want to say...heaven of earth..mother of nature..thank you very much

2010-04-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

cool! went to may day concert..i didn't know my sch's hod oso went..and sitting at the muddy area..although we bought cat 1 tickets..everyone was stnading up and i was too short to see the stage all the time..but i find their songs nice..meaningful...lyrics funky..yeah!

may day rocks!

2010-04-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

我喜欢跳舞......我喜欢唱歌......我喜欢读书......我喜欢武术......我喜欢和家人与朋友在一起说笑......

可是......我什么时候能有空去做这些事情？

为了一科我喜欢的科目......苦读三年......真的值得吗？

我到底是获得更多......还是失去得更多？

2010-04-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

I think mum likes to chat with me..but if i want to chat with her..i gotta get up bfore 7am before she leaves to do exercise downstairs with the other aunties at 8am..

when i got up early..she'll try to chat with me on lots of stuff..think she's really being alone for quite long..as everyone is busy working..and she has no one to talk to..i try my best to get up early..but my body couldn't take it..normal time i 8am..so now..my aim is try to get up by 7am so that she can chat with me..

you know one cute thing about her is...when i look down looking at her doing excerise..she'll know..cos she'll look up once in a while at our house window while doing exercise...den she'll wave at me..i can see that she's very happy...just like when i go down to take bus on the way to bus stop..she'll oso wave at me from the corridor and keep a lookout for my bus whether it's coming..she'll point and point..i think it's becomes a kind of habit that we will do..

actually i like talking to her..just that sometimes when her mood is not very good..she'll complain to me about wad the other family members in the house did to her..and how angry she was and ask me not to "befriend" them this and that..i did persuade her not to get so angry..nowadays she's so angry with dad until her stomach feels bloated and didn't wana eat a thing..it's nt good for her health..just trying my best lo..

the only thing that i wish to do with my family is go out to have a good meal together..she's always rejecting it..giving excuses say we're not free..she's not feeling well..how could i make her go out of the house to eat with us? hmm..

2010-04-05T08:55:00.001-07:00

my anxiety is getting more and more serious..on sun..2359..no..is after 2359 over the deadline..and i submitted the assignment online..with trembling hands..i was so gan chiong..cos sis last min check finish my assignment..my hands were really trembling like mad as i rushed to submit the assignment..

theis week another hectic week..mon prepare for lesson observation by other teachers for lesson study..tue..my turn to give san zi jing talk to all the students..wed..lesson observation by 4 teachers for lesson study..thu..need to take band out for syf competition..i need to take a breathe..

i really need someone to talk to..if nt i thin ki'll be sad to death..went for my nite class..i knew nobody..while others have ppl to discuss their assignment and do together..i've been switching classes all the time and have no fixed frenz..

i was so muddle-head sometimes that i forgot this and that..and as a chinese level rep..there're just so many things that i dono and i gotta do them blindly..seeking for alot of ppl's opinion and double check the work that i've done..editing and editing again..

i really need to breathe some fresh air to make me cool down and blow away my anxiety and sadness..i just can't help it that my stress level is so high..that kind of sadness just couldn't go away sometimes that affects me to think negatively when i don wan to..

2010-03-31T00:51:00.000-07:00

today is really a very busy day....

ok..it's a long story..yesterday i received a letter from high commission of malaysia to collect a document to renounce my malyasian citizenship..you see..although i'm born in singapore..my parents are not singaporean when i was born..so i still have malaysian citizenship with me..2 years before that..i went to settle the admin at high comission of mayalsia..it was a total mess..gotta go there dono how many times and forms are in malay and u won noe how to fill in..

ok..talk about today...as Singapore immigration wants me to submit a form by 31 mar..which is today..i just receive my letter from high commission of malaysia to collect the form yesterday..so..this morning i went to school to ask if i am able to take immediately today..they're very helpful..it's like a big huha like that..chinese hod noe..my reporting officer gotta noe about it..den i gotta explain to everyone how complicated is it to go to malaysia side to collect a form den go ica to submit the form..so i was granted a day of leave...and..gotta hand in the p3 exam paper i've set..den gotta plan wad to do for my class today and let the relief teacher noe..den..i have a meeting with some outdoor vendor who wants to conduct foc workshop...den immediately after that meet a band member parent who is pleading to let his son in for the syf competition..den i immediately chao after that..

i boom boom by taxi to commission of malyasia..den gotta wait..and wait..all the documents gotta be in if not u gotta re-queue..photocopy this and that..den..boom boom by taxi to sir building..it was fast there....and i was so happy when everything's settled and i do not need to go to maysia side or anywhere again!

as i was waiting for the bus to go home..leaves fall like rain when the wind was strong..i felt relief and relax...and i just notice that there are so many types of trees in singapore..so cute and good..although we could not compare with other countries..i'm satisfied with the trees we have here..really..there're so many shapes..

before that i was grumbling..why last minute go here den i gotta skip my lessons and stuff..but come to think of it..i could take a rest today..either to rest or rush my assignments..and my frenz are not going to gym today..so i can really take a rest and also do my work..i left so relieve suddenly..sometimes it's really a blessing in disguise..and i really appreciate wad i have..although i have only a few hours of sleep..i suddenly find it's fair..my effort will be paid off..although others don find it..but i appreciate how things goes for me..

i know i will be sleeping late..although i try to tell myself to sleep early..i just gotta jiayou..i noe good things are always waiting for me..that's how amazing life is..

fighto...OH!

2010-03-21T06:33:00.001-07:00

holiday..one whole week..9 days..from last sat..to this sun...i went to school 7 full days..from 8 to 5..even on saturdays..8 to 5..it was so tiring..especially they have band practice and gotta take them out..and u noe..the whole bus is full of chattering sound..really make ppl's head spin..plus one day workshop..half day pack goody bag..and u noe..chatting is always the one that will take up alot of time..and eating too.cos eating with others u gotta chat and wait for each other..

but if i don live in a group..ppl will start to think i'm proud la..difficult to hang out la..all the negative stuff will be out..but being together at least will noe wad is going on..gossips too..and will help out each other..it somehow balance out..but i'm really very tired..everyday really sleep for 4 to 5 hours..cannot take it le..den the stuff always cannot finish de..especially lotsa stuff is chinese rep stuff..cannot owe ppl ma..my own marking can wait but other stuff cannot wait de..i myself is oso rushing other ppl to give me stuff that i need so that i can do wad i shd do..very difficult to ask ppl to hand in stuff..just the same logic as asking students to hand in homework..some really hardcore one..just don hand in..

the only thing i destress is to play facebook for an hour while eating or resting..i don even dare to watch drama..if nt it will go on and on de..i guess the only real break for me is not june..but december..den don need to worry what to do for the next semester..i hope i can go overseas again..at least it's a getaway from somewhere..somewhere i don need to feel busy..

2010-03-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

lost the cute netbook..on bus 61 after school..actually i'm not really the one who lose it..cos jaja is taking it all the while and he has been the one using it..

on that day..we were taking lotsa stuff..my normal bag and a bag of worksheets...he has his own bag and his helmet and netbook..it was raining..i wanted to take umbrella out..and forgot to take bus card...i was oredi very busy myself..den he just left..without checking if he has taken all the stuff..and oso..everything is black..his bag...his helmet bag..and the netbook bag..even his jacket is oso black..it somehow camouflage with other stuff..

i remembered there a guy who snatches our seat immediately after we stand up..in the end..jaja went to bukit batok interchange and found the netbook bag..lucky the wireless is still there..if not gotta pay 300 bucks more for it..together with the bag..the bus driver found a white towel..

and u noe wad..there's no adaptor in the bag..the theif only stole the netbook itself..he still has to spend money to buy the adaptor..

now jaja wana buy another one..a laptop this time..and more ex de..about 1k..buy online cheaper..on that very day..i was very upset and furious bout it..den the next day become him..sigh..dono la..

2010-03-06T06:31:00.000-08:00

One of the rare days that I'm with my sis for such a long time..

went for a grammar course with her at sim..den she suddenly say wana go play arcade...den saw party world and went straight in to sing..just the two of us..and after that went to play arcade..

i couldn't believe it..

2010-02-24T10:14:00.000-08:00

two young girls having cat fight on the bus on mon on the way to sim..they're just the same age as me..or older..wear until very nice..office wear..and just becos the bus is too crowded..the brake made one of them flare up becos one hit the other's nose..and then they start to hit each other..pull each other's long hair..and one of the girl's earphone is spoilt..den they ended with one of them saying..we'll go to the police..the last scene i saw was they got off at sim settling the issue..

probably it's a mon...or probably one on the girl is not in a good mood..end up they just flare up..if it's me..would i? probably not..not bcos i don wana throw face..why bicker and end up so unhappy cos of small things..the world is so big..there're so many things tt u can put ur effort on it..

as the world is so big..it's difficult to keep in touch with each other all the time..some ppl i can only get to see them once a year..when it's time to meet..die die oso will find a time to meet..everyone is so busy..there'll sure be a time for us to put down some stuff and pick new things up..it's nt about just laughing your life through..or being sad all the way..

everywhere..no matter whether in school or outside..there's always someone who will play certain role..a joker..an observer..blah blah..ppl will change and react differently in every group..he may be a joker in this group..but an observer in another group..

just talked about having a gang of frenz..or being labeled as being a gang..is not good..now then i noe..i tot gang is a neutral word..just like..a gang of frenz..a gang of good frenz..wad's so negative about the word gang..i take it in another perspective..that being a gang is really a group of frenz who treat each other well..how come treat each other good is a bad thing..i cannot understand..how come work should only be work and personal should only be personal? as long as we noe wad we are doing..and we're doing it well and good..why not..but really..nobody will say they are in a gang even if they have...cos it's always being associated with "gangster"..cannot be good gangster meh..y gangster should be bad..it's ppl who label the word for being bad..so y bother?

i find politics is so cute..invisible arrow shooting everywhere..really..there's is even in the olden days...even ancient times..if not there won be so many story of the good dying so early le..

although translation is very difficult..it's really a wonderful tool which i like it very much if i'm able to do a good job..

yesterday i just grumbled and cried over having too many piles of stuff haven mark..15 piles..including workbook worksheet composition assignment test extra worksheets comprehension spelling writing...

3 weddings to go..plus concert band having syf..mar holiday 7 days gotta go back for 5 days..assignments...i gotta keep reminding myself and flip through my planner which day got wad thing to do..morning sth on..afternoon another thing on..den at nite oso got some other stuff..again it goes..sleepless nites..mum and sis pluck at least 10 half white grown and 10 full white grown ones out from me..i can't be bother to pluck..but i noe..i'm old!

2010-02-19T09:02:00.000-08:00

I'll be busy all the way until next month...

today is friday..just handed in another assignment...

sat..morning go temple to rehearsal for nex week's performance..afternoon go sim study from 130 to 430...den got buffet at another temple..

sun...need to rush my another translation assignment due on sunday...

mon..lecture at sim again...

wed...go gym..

fri...lecture again..

sat...lecture at sim..

sun..performace at temple.....evening..yvonne's birthday party

mon...lecture...

wed...gym..

fri..lecture..
.
.
.
.
.
.
13 mar...colleague's church wedding

15 mar..colleague's wedding dinner

20 mar..nie friend's wedding

27 mar..lecture....fren's wedding...

my backache coming back again..it just makes me stop all my activities and i couldn't enjoy at all..

3 weddings in a month..i gotta be broke le

2010-02-17T07:35:00.000-08:00

My Wish..I Dream...

Tiger year has come..and I'm proud to say that I'm 24 now. To me, age is not a problem as long as you are young at heart. I'm still jumping and running around like a teenager..I still have things that I'm looking forward to:

1. Watching a good movie while eating popcorn and eat a good meal with friends
2. Able to go out together as one family and eat happily
3. Own a house that has alot of glass pane window, with LCD TV, a good bed and sofa, a study room with a big table and lots of shelves

Although some of the things I couldn't achieve now, I will try. You get some, you lose some. "1" is simple, but to have both 2 and 3 to come true, it's not so possible.

I am looking forward to leave the family to have my own home, but I know once I leave the family..it will be a broken one with members quarreling with each other..

if i rank my worries, it will be like this:
1. family
2. family
3. family

cos it'll affect all other things..

ppl are sad that they couldn't eat reunion dinner together..while some are sad becos we ate a sad reunion dinner together..which one is more painful to you? or to me?

yes..i'm blessed cos i can live healthily..any extras will always be a bonus...

i just want to say..beacuse the weather is hot..it makes a person feel moody and easy to flare up..

2010-02-16T08:58:00.000-08:00

when can i have a happy family?

2010-02-15T02:44:00.000-08:00

this chinese new year is the least red packet that I've got...4...2 from my parents..and the other 2 from my bf side..

other than the reunion dinner on new year's eve...and a quarreling one and everyone eating unhappily..and going to my bf's house to bai nian...as well as mark my books....and went to chinatown to snatch cheap goodies before 12...i din go anywhere at all..din celebrate valentine...nor did we go to bai nian..

at least sis did..she went out with temple ppl to learn cooking...bai nian..sing k tmr..all i did is watch tv..mark my stuff..do assignment..and nothing else..wear new clothes oso counted ba..

but i'm glad this new year..our family don quarrel alot as much as i tot..we're playing mahjong..with mum not speaking a word at all..and only talk to me alone..and i broke my glass bottle on 1st day of new year..and i bet there are still some glass pieces on the floor..

mum's side ppl from johor wanted to come and stay over.. she rejected..saying her leg is painful and she don have the energy to entertain them..that's all for the new year..and now i'm still struggling with my assignment..reluctant to do cos i dono how to do..

and i'm glad..i'm really glad that my leg pain has start to go away...it's such a happy thing to stay alive without having any pain anywhere..not like my mum..i'm oredi very blessed..thanks..

2010-02-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

my backbone is as painful as ever..even after going for a rub..

just woke up from the sofa..oredi told sis i wanted to sit...but she just slept there like a pig..end up i doze off in an awful position..and woke up more painful..she don have any sympathy in me de..oredi noe i'm in pain and still don wan to let me have any space to sit on the sofa..

i feel so angry...and painful..it definitely will affect my mood more or less..as the pain is always there..the more sad and angry i am..the more painful it is..it's really painful from the back and buttock all the way down the leg..

i hated myself for walking so slow..but i couldn't walk fast..

late night..i was waiting for bus by myself..saw 2 guys at the bus stop too..i tot they're waiting for the same bus together..den i realise..one guy is accompanying the other guy to wait for the bus to come before he goes home..that was nice..sometimes frenz do treat frenz very well..

and yes..as wad my colleague says..there are politics in the school as well..for me..as long as i don think there is..there won be..to me..i won go and dislike the person just becos of wad the person always do..wad for..everyone is always looking at everyone's fault...and when u really dislike the person..u'll say..this person doesn't have any good points at all..y do i need to like that person..

actaully i rather take a neutral stand to look at the person y he or she reacts like tat..there's always a reason for the person to do sth..which makes others look at him or her as bad..i rather find out y...den just hate that person just becos everyone is doing the same thing..

wad's wrong with liking a person that everyone hates?as long as u don follow wad the person does..den ppl will ask..y do u need to like the person in the first place..y not thin kit of another way..isn't it better to make more frenz..if there's a choice..who would want others to dislike yourself..at least get to know more about the person before u set ur own judgement with the others...den the person might change for the better..nobody knows wad will happen unless u try..

change urself first..the others might change together with you too..

2010-02-08T11:40:00.001-08:00

it's just pure busy...there's lotsa little little stuff here and there which makes me feel very irritated cos i scared i forgot to do them...those little things just makes me busy..

went for tui na..after a few days..still pain..first few days i couldn't even walk properly..and i think the whole school knows that sth's wrong with me..they tot i sprained my leg..which is not..while others who know says how come i'm so young yet my problems are those who will get it when they are old..and the doctor says..i tired myself too much..cannot walk too much..or carry too haevy stuff..which is difficult..unless i'm not a teacher..

i wanted to spend more time with him..new year is near..i dono y i sort of scared of not having any celebration at home..no reuion dinner..and it just makes me feel sad even the thought of it..i don care..if they don have i go jaja's house eat since his ma is oso cooking vege dish for third brother..i don wan to have a sad new year...

as usual..ppl will get more ang paos den me..but the thing is..i never ever open my ang pao to spend the money before..so i should have more than them over the years..just keeping and not spending...ha..

these days i've been bathing and sleeping late..i shouldn't do that..hmm....pain pain go away..don ever come back for any day!

2010-02-01T08:54:00.001-08:00

high fever suddenly at night..

as usual..i have mc but still go to school..

i just can't find a reason to stay at home..usually the fever will get worse if i stay at home..

went to tts hospital to see jaja's mum..she went for a head scan and need to stay there for a few days..

i dono..i just ad fever after going there..probably bcos i'm too tired..or i absorb too much negative force in the hospital..seeing his mum having bruise on the hand is cruel..and a needle on the joint of the arm is more cruel than ever..it's so painful..i've been in the hospital and noe wad it's like..the blood will come outand u cannot put down ur hand..if nt blood will flow out..

i make jaja lose money during mahjong..don have the winning mood..

once the fever is here..i can't do anything at all..diaoz..

been taking cab really alot..forgot there's meeting today in the morning..after seeing doctor just rush down..jaja oso forget..den both of us took taxi..haha..

i need to save more money..i really spend too much..everytime draw 40 bucks den gone..and gone..and gone..

2010-01-30T17:30:00.000-08:00

it's been some time since i stayed at home on a sunday...the feeling's..a little wierd...

one of my colleague gave me this..so nice! she made it herself de.. start of sim school..my friday class..sigh..think i'll always be late for it..and i spent 25 bucks on taxi fare..this will continue for all the friday lessons...i think i'll keep saying " i want to save money for taxi fare" this year..

played badminton last week..and played again with my colleagues this week..jaja say i really improve alot..wana buy a good badminton for me..i don wan..wait too ex i don dare smack..but it feels great..everyone is tired..but i still feel very energetic..

parent's meeting on saturday was sth which make me perk up for the whole day...parents bombarding me with questions..i dono if i answered well..but i tried my best to answer their questions..i just felt a big force of power pressing on me..but after i left the classroom i felt better..being the p2 cl head..i felt more cofident in speaking..i dono..or maybe cos due to the experience i have..and oso i need to think of how to answer them without telling them things that they shdn't know..i gotta twist it until i don say the things i shdn't tell them..it's difficult..

being i teacher is difficult..but fun

2010-01-28T06:02:00.000-08:00

i think i have been over responsible on my duty in school...

the head is asking for lesson plan for reading lesson..it was really a headache..it's been bugging me for a few weeks le..rushing other ppl to do their own story book's lesson plan..chase for ages yet cannot chase finish de..i don wan it to bug me anymore..so i help to coop from others and do lo..if not it will keep on bugging and bugging..i just don wan to let this thing bug me anymore so i just do lo..at least i won get headache over this thing again..so i just did it..

tedious..but i find it worth it..another problem settled..that's it..if not this thing will just like taichi go round and round forever won end de..from now on..it will end here..ended by me..yes..feel so satisfied to collate everything..perfect! i don mind the work..i don get bug by it den can oredi..

and now..there's peace..

2010-01-20T09:56:00.000-08:00

my p2 class is a high ability class...and yet...more than 6 of my pupils fail their first spelling this year..why? i keep asking myself how to push them to let them have the standards that they shd have..

p1 is the same...i randomly test some of them han yu pin yin...they couldn't even read out the pin yin that i wrote on the board..even their form teacher was sick due to shouting and screaming at them..i make them feel guilty by saying they drove their teacher until she's sick..if they don wana study just drive me away..

and then..2 pupils laugh at a smaller size kid while he was collecting their workbooks..i scolded them..one gal..still noe how to cry..i let her sit down..the other one..scold until puke blood still no reaction..

today their form teacher's nt here...2 different chinese teacher went in for relief...one said they like to move around...throw paper on the floor and din pick up...the other said..this class is different from other p1 class..they'll know how to talk back to the teacher....and jaja walk pass the class..they happily go to the toilet without any teacher around..and kana scolded..

my autistic kid...every 5 min i gotta check whether he's doing his work..it slows me down and the whole class down..i'm behind my schedule..

after p1 i went to my p2 class..i was explaining the "good habits booklet" to them..i think i said some touching stuff that i felt touched myself..things tt i've nvr said before to them..

i know teaching is not about shouting..but when talking doesn't work..shouting is really an immediate cure to the noise in the class..

but..the more i shout..the further i'm away from them..

i shouldn't shout..it spoils my throat..and it doesn't make them turn better..

i saw my p1 class form teacher how she uses soft approach to her students..i think it works..plus the technique i learnt during temple lessons..no matter how difficult the class is...it will turn out to be better...

so...i talk to them nicely about 7 ppl failing my spelling..i dono how they are going to answer to their parents..i don need to scold..their parents will do the job..i don want to do double work or give them double scolding..sometimes i just feel it's my fault that they couldn't score well cos i reallly can do things to make them revise spelling in sch and don need to revise at home at all..but i din..cos time doesn't permits me to do that..tt's y i gotta let go and let them learn by themselves..

to me..whether they have any achievements is none of my business..but i know alot of kids will find joy to have good results as they will be happy when their parents are happy about it..i want them to be happy..not just becos they need to score well for the sake of me..

i'm not telling u to give me 100 marks..i said..as long as u try ur best..cos the 100 marks that u get now..u can't take it with you to p3...p4..p5..p6...but as long as u're hardworking and tried ur best..ur grades will improve..tt's y having a heart to try ur best is much more important than having 100 marks now..

i noe i said alot to them..i think bcos nowadays adults always talk to them about grades and grades..and nobody ever taught of teaching them the right attitude towards studying..tt's y they're so result oriented..tt's y i always talk to my class..give them "lectures"..usually is scold until say "lectures"..i saw some ppl nodding their head..i dono how long this effect will be on them..but i hope this will change them...

today..the boy whom i scolded yesterday....whom i talked to him nicely...who promise me he won take anything out to play during lesson today....he did it..he didn't take anything out to play..i praised him..he was so so so happy about it...i should remind myself to praise my students..and also to chite chat with them..i shouldn't be stingy about it..i shouldn't turn to be a "scolding machine"..

after much thinking..i felt better..having the right attitude is the most important in doing anything..

2010-01-18T18:30:00.000-08:00

it has been a great help attending those temple lectures..

after attending the lesson on sunday..i used the tactnic taught on a rebellious student who doesn't hand in work and don listen to lessons..i tried to communicate with him..in the end..i knew wad's the problem..he find te work too difficult..and he don wan to ask his mother..so i said if he doesn't know he can ask me..

althou it's not 100% that he'll change..at least i know wad's wrong with him..

i need help..i really need help...to make my workload easier..and the most effective way is to cure the core of the problem..which is student..y student don wan to listen in class..y they're not motivated to learn..

2010-01-17T09:40:00.001-08:00

i should stand strong..i shdn't be the weakling me complaining about this and that..after all..我只是在红尘走一回...

2010-01-12T23:09:00.000-08:00

everyone around me in the school is talking about studying masters...

i'm one of the few minorities who haven gotten my degree yet..wad more to say for masters..

again...everyone is jioing everyone to go and study together..

principal ask him..how come never wait for me..

his answer is...even if take now oso study at the same time but diff stuff at diff place ma..

everyone tends to find ppl to pei them to do things together...for me..it doesn't matter..having been doing things alone through the years..so be it..

for so many years..even when staying at home with family members around..feels more alone than ever..so be it..

2010-01-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

what has this family turning into?

everyday..it's just cold war or a breakout..fierce fighting..scolding..shouting at ppl..and even poor starhub ppl who is promoting his service oso kana..i've really have enuff of it..

sometimes i just wish to get married and just officially leave this family..but another fear of jumping into another one like this makes me stay put of this thought..

i don think most of the family are like tat..either they're unhappy..they divorce..and they won quarrel with each other another..at least the family stay in a peaceful without a family member around..rather than hating each other and staying together just to hurt themselves..and others..

i noe no matter how i wish to leave..i can't leave this house..this house is full of hatred..suspicion..fear..anger..depression..and this kind of atmosphere is affecting me..deep down in me for so many years..

staying in hostel is my most happy time..at least i noe the house will not quarrel so much bcos of me..

if u ask me if i have the time..wad can i exchange for..i wish i can use the time to change the situation in the family..cos it's getting from worse to worse..going to the temple and pray is not wad i need..wad i need is practical stuff..some solid time with everyone..

being in this family makes me so tired..it's more tired than my cockup timetable in school..cos a cockup timetable just screw u up for a year..but a screw up family screw u up forever..

i am a girl..i feel alot and i mind it alot alot..i though my act silliness and childishness will make the mood in the family better..but it doesn't make mum's better..i tried to stay away..end up a sis who doesn't understands says i do not care at all..i tried to care..but dad doesn't care at all..wad is really wrong with the family..and the elders doesn't want to solve the problem at all..wad can i do..

sometimes i really need a pat or a hug from them..but i never ever get any..

if my time can really exchange for peace in the family..i'll put down everything and do anything for it..

2010-01-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

it's really great to have a taste of bubu tea after a tired day...

my colleague was asking me..."don u feel happy? it's friday! don need to see them for the next few days and have a break!" to me..my mind is all about how to handle them for the rest of the year...8 different classes of music is making me puke..first time i teach until my voice cannot take it..repeating stuff again and again..it's so monotonous..when i dono how to teach..they're too young to learn the music that i wanted to teach them..when i'm like using half english and chinese to teach music using an english music textbook..

i wish they change the timetable until i'm free for the last one or two periods..den i can save some money on cabs to unisim..

mpre and more stuff coming up..and more and more names of me everywhere..it's like everything that's gotta do with P2 chinese i gotta handle..parents calling up to ask about P2 stuff will be transferred to me..i dono wad i'll become when i start my studies again..i've been going to school earlier than last year these few days..

i'm afraid..that i start to shine again..will everything stay the same..will i still shine and smile so carefreely as before..i noe deep inside my heart i'm very afraid to take up the job..to take up so many jobs..and ppl keep calling my name..and even parent telling principal tt i have taught her kids well...praising me for teaching well..the more i hear..the more afraid i am..

to others...wad's there to be afraid..i'm afraid because i haven reach there yet..i don expect myself to reach there..i seem to have responsibility everywhere..be it as a small CL head..as a student..as a daughter..as a gf..or as a dyber..i haven grow yet (mentally) to be prepared for all these..

although my self confidence is low..i know i will subconciously be carrying a very heavy burden on my mind..i know i will be very stress up for no reason..i just gotta try and do my best

live with no fear and no regret...try my very best and live to the fullest..

2010-01-06T09:04:00.001-08:00

shit man..kana aim more arrows...in the welfare group now too...

just yesterday..heard from the exco committee that i'm very "hot" everyone is snatching me..tt's y end up in pe committee but din teach pe and teach music instead..pe wants asthetic wants..chinese oso want..den she say cannot like that..i don have 三头六臂..i oso dono where i am now..althou they say they'll put me into aesthetic com since i'm teaching music instead..

oh gosh..i don even noe how to teach music..den when i finished my music lesson i saw another teacher teaching music..so i just pop by and sit in for awhile and see how to teach..

being P2 Convenor is stressed..there's alot of fluctuation here and there until i can't even send out my scheme of work..wait drag too long not good..den gotta send this and that for printing..i oso dono la..it's so luan

today 4 periods of p1 together..every wednesday..for all p1 chinese teachers..it's really a kiler man..cannot take it....plus after that still have another 2 periods of chinese..really wana puke le..so at night went for gym lessons and just dance to destress..dance until cannot take it still dance..

2010-01-01T09:31:00.000-08:00

2010..here i come!

It's just the starting of a new year..and i oredi kana alot of stuff in school..

-P2 CL head
-teaching 8 different class of music (i don have music background)
-in pe committee althou i don teach pe anymore (they say might need me to teach putizhang)
-one of the ic during fire alarm (thou they say there's nth to do de)

but the lucky thing is i'm not form teacher..everytime admin stuff will take up a lot of time..

my sim lessons for the first sem shd be mon and fri..and den for my timetable...mon last period got lesson...CL banding somemore..i gotta cab to sim le..12 weeks leh..20 bucks each time..shd be 240 bucks..sigh..really waste money..but i don wana be late for lesson..it's so difficult to squeeze time to study le..it's better for me to go for my lesson and listen attentively..

i'm now fatter than usual (46+kg)..but i guess i'll slim down when i start to get busy..

2009 is a year where i really started teaching for the whole year..and til now..already past one and a half year..it's so fast..and it oso means me and my bf oso noe each other for about..1 and a half year or more? there are really lots of times when there are clashes between us cos out thinking is really opposite of each other sometimes..sometimes it's good..and sometimes it's bad..cos we couldn't understand y we tink so differently sometimes and sure there'll be quarrels..but from wad i feel is that it's still better to pak tor when u're older..den u noe wad u want..cos studying and working is a totally different thingy..u can find someone tt u like and pak tor while studying..but working is another thingy..u need to consider lotsa factors..and mindset and thinking is really different..tt's from my experience la..the relationships tt i'm getting in is more and more stable as i grow up..

plans for 2010

- live healthily..so as not to fall sick ( falling sick is just wasting more of my time..time is precious!) which means
1. sleep latest by 1, wake up by 8
2. drink at least 1 litre of water per day in school
3. exercise at least on or twice a week (i just sign up another 2+1 year)
4. when it's time to eat...just eat!
5. cut down time on watching drama and tv
6. bath latest by 11pm (unless i go for sim classes)
7. do not fall asleep on the sofa or computer
8. go to the bed and sleep!

actually all this is just a continual of wad i wanted to do from last year..just that after some time i didn't follow very closely

u noe..actually i've been thinking...that studying is just a waste of time..after all the talks about the world ending in 2012...and being so busy while studying and working..i dono y i make myself so busy..and just for the sake of getting a degree and higher pay..is it worth it..or not..i've really given up alot of stuff tt i wanted to do..guitar..caligraphy..jap class..wushu..old folks home...i seem to have a smaller circle and lost alot of frenz cos i couldn't catch up with them..does tt make me someone who doesn't treasure my frenz? no..i really wanted to...i really have the heart to do lots of things..but time doensn't permit it..

i still have my dream of being a volunteer...and going overseas to help the needy...i dono when i can do it..althou i noe i must DO IT NOW..but sometimes just really tied up to alot of things..

i wanted to be nice to my family..but they're being hostile to each other until i dono how to change the situation..and becoming like them instead..i don wan to be like that..but i dono how to stop it..

i'm still dreaming of my dream house..with the glass window tt stretch from top to bottom..and having a comfortable bed and sofa..tv plus all the karaoke sound system and wii..where i can sing and play with my loved ones...not forgetting my study room filled with cupboards and cupboards to put my books..and a cosy corner to read my books..by the glass window..

i've been looking forward..yet feeling afraid..tt it's nt so easy to achieve wad i wanted..

i met a ladyat the gym..asking lotsa practical questions like how many Cs do u want ur partner to have..or things like would u rather take 200k or a good location house..love or bread..to me..money is really not important..if u do not have ur health and happiness..do u tink u really can be happy to spend it alone..

i rather take the house and a not so rich husband..so that we have something to work towards to..to fill up wad we tink is lack of..and work towards not the typical 5Cs...but compassion..care..concern..towards each other and everyone..i rather live short life and have a happy life instead of a long and unhappy life..

everytime i see people who are rich buying lotsa branded bags i wanted to faint liao..jaja says those are just stupid woman..it's nt sth that they need..it's just sth tt they want to satisfy their desire..if i have the money i rather donate it away and share the joy with others..after living in a home which always quarrel over money..i really don wan to quarrel over it..i don wan..and i don need so much money..i can really need a simple life being a volunteer and having the little money to survive..tt's my dream..but i have my responsibility to provide for my family now..because for this reason..i ahve to stay..

during the school meeting..we're discussing about how oure future kids are..i found out that everyone realise nowadays the kids are selfish..really selfish..cos they just think of themselves and tinking of earning easy money..being a billionaire without working hard..and everyday it's just facing the computer and computer...sometimes even i myself am stuck in this whole thingy..

when i was in taiwan..the news keep showing on saving the earth..we are depleting the resources and stuff..it really leads me to think that the world in is really ending soon... in my era...and the tv showing lotsa countries disappearing..i guess singapore will oso be sinking soon..just tt we just heck care..cos it hasn't come yet..everyone is like trying not to think about it..but it's really a fact that we've going to face sooner or later

so why am i still here now doing nothing? just do it! now! we should treasure wad we have now..really..

2009-12-28T08:50:00.000-08:00

当你需要一些心灵的对话，想和别人讨论一些课题，寻找一些心灵寄托，你会找谁倾诉？

2009-12-24T01:16:00.000-08:00

Tai wan Trip

went to alot of places..taipei...wulai..dan shui..shi lin..and hualian..

went for one day tour at taipei..and oso hualian..

16 dec: 2 half day tour in taipei..

keelung city, keelung harbour, buddha statue, yeliu park, Queen's head

chiufen village, chinkuashih village, pitou cape, nanya rock formations, bay of two colours

elephant

slipper

queen's head

there are cute advertisements everywhere..

frog..

fish..

the waves were huge!

blow..sea wind....blow..breeze..

went to hua lian..and went for a tour on 18 dec..

went to taroku..

do not swim!

standing on the road..

gotta wear helemts to walk as there are lotsa falling rocks

the bridge which need license from the government to cross..

water damp..

fish fish

pigeon!
there are many kinds of leaves growing on the rocks..and it's amazing how they survive

jade market

flower market

cactus!

to the park

oh ya...at the airport..we can charge our phone
and wireless to go online

and there are oso..food!

pizza hut

and we went to drink tea

and nice soup too!

便当

火锅

tie ban

薯条
mango yoghurt pudding

this thing is to call the person when the food is ready

meal on plane

mos burger

19 dec: come back from hualian to danshui

mingde restaurant at dan shui

similar to 败全女王dramaat 8pm..if u can drink the whole cup, u'll get another one..for free..before that..they'll introduce some guest of honourif couples kiss, they'll get a pork dish for free.

ha..the artist use 毛笔and chalk to draw..i find the colour very nice..

21 dec: to wulai and shilin market

spring bath..

tatami!

after that ate 竹筒饭and tested小米酒...all their special..

shilin market

more pictures in facebook..hee..

P.S. Taiwan special: Momo bear series to taiwan trip is available in facebook

http://www.facebook.com/#/album.php?aid=184499&id=654265609

2009-12-09T00:23:00.001-08:00

Days in DYB

It has been another year..since we're down to beome teachers in the primary group..

We also have lots of fun outing..and attending lessons..birthday gathering..

Recently..we went to the zoo outing..and to think that we could stay there for the whole day from 10am to 6pm is amazing..and to have a potluck buffet lunch and everyone bringing some stuff to eat is more amzing..who would stay there for the whole day? US! at the end of the day..we walked faster as it's getting late and we apply the "watch and go" style as there isn't much time left..

my birthday

2009-11-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

yes..my birthday..been going out these few days la..fri went to watch korea movie my girlfriend is an agent with huileng and wenjun..and they treat me lo..plus secret recipe..hee..thanks

sat..i was slacking at home for half a day before i went to sch for the volunteer work..there are so many toys sia..the students enjoy helping out..

den we went to lotus vegetarian restaurant at quality hotel for buffet..i don need pay money cos it's my birthday..hee..but oso very cheap la..eat until full full wor..

after that..on sun..i ask dyb ppl out for dinner...ordered swenson cake..and ate at a new bugis restaurant..we ate til very full!

really had a fun time la..they gave me a bag and a handmade A4 planner that they did by themselves..with my photos..haha..really very nice sia..thanks..they really noe me..i need a good and big planner..and handmade stuff...

i really appreciate everyone's effort..thanks alot..

jy's birthday

2009-11-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

It's jiong yu's birthday..and he has invited us to eat with him on the actual day of birthday to eat with his family....有心了..it just simply means we're just as close as his family...

the food there is very special..different from outside..i dono how to describe it..but it's really nice and unique..i'll sure go there to eat again..

firstly is the 菠菜羹...din eat before and saw it at any other restaurants..

this is the cold dish..which other hotel don really serve cold dish..unless it new year yu sheng..

this is the lotus rice...couldn't get it from any other normal restaurants..we don see such big lotus anywhere in singapore..so must be imported lotus..

this...is different from wad we eat from other restuarant..it's made of potato instead of yam..and inside is rendang curry instead...special rite..

and there are oso other dishes..

this one is very special..we thot it is his birthday cake..but end up is a type of mushroom with cheese..and we think the clay plate..or bowl..is specially made for this dish which couldn't be find anywere..cos it has got one hole one hole many holes to contain one big mushroom each..

but this..is his real cake..

and finally..giving of presents..

his favourite mucha with chocolate..

a cap ready for his botak head for ns soon...

and also a card of one big family..

and also a wallet so that he could change it..

and while i was uploading the photos...his smile suddenly caught my attention..i think it's been quite a long time since i saw his smile..this natural smile..and it is not only one photo..but in many..it made me smile..

----------------------------------------------

and it's ktv time!

ha..everyone has got their different post during singing..totally different from wad we always see ourselves as..

time flies so fast..he's going for ns..but...it has been wonderful and having all the good memories that's shared for these few years..althou there's ppl going in and out due to their roles and responsibilities..but we all know that we are always together as one in our hearts..

2009-11-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

yes..my birthday is coming...i know..i'm not bothered about whether i'm another year older or wadsoever...it doesn't really bother me..just that sometimes the thought of death coming nearer to me just feels so errie..but..i didn't want to bother too much..

peeps..i've got everything i have..so don need to give me anything ya..clothes i got hundreds..shoes i've got 20+....bags oso 20+..accessories..abundant..i oso dono wad more to get for myself..hee..

on my birthday..i'm going to do something meaningful in school..volunteer work! our school is having a toy buffet for the kids who are poor where they can choose a toy from those that are being donated out..it's a meaningful event..i wish i could be at the event for the whole day to witness it..but there is shift..but nvm..i still can go there early to help out..hee..it's been so long since i did volunteer work..hee..so happy..

ever since my semester at sim ended..my colleague have been saying i'm glowing with light sia..ha..no so much pimples..and whole person just brighten up...and..tell u sth..i din study for my exam even thou the exam is round the corner..ha..opps..i shoulded laugh rite..but..to me..it's really not an impt issue whether to get a degree or not..i just like wad i'm studying..just the way i like my job..if the whole life is just about money..easy money..having good life..hee..i dono la..

live my life to the fullest..